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Raven Season 3 Special: "Huh?"

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  • Raven Season 3 Special: "Huh?"


    Episode 50 "Huh?"

    Black nothingness. Carmen walks into center.

    Carmen: Ok, this episode feels like? an epic! Yes, an epic! And all epics involve the invoking of a muse!

    Leora walks next to her.

    Leora: Oh Senderetsendinano! We invoke thee to help tell the tale of?

    Carmen and Leora look at each other, lost with a title.

    Leora: We don't have a tale? do we?

    Carmen: I think I left it in the trunk with Cynthia?

    Leora: Must we always go back to her?

    Carmen: Comic relief?

    Leora: It's getting old!

    Carmen: Oh yeah?

    Carmen whips out her shotgun.

    Carmen: Wanna say that again, dead girl?

    Leora: Oh my God? this is no epic is it? this is?

    Carmen: Come on, this is so an epic!

    Leora: Just hear me out!

    Carmen: No! This is so an epic!

    Leora: Oh yeah? Well where if this is an epic, than where is our hero? All epics need a hero!

    Leora and Carmen look at each other some more, Carmen letting her gun down.

    Carmen: I think we're epic enough.

    Leora(unsure): Yeah...yeah of course. I mean we did...no...Wait! We...well, we killed that one bad guy that was randomly added at the end remember?

    Carmen: Oh yeah. That Bible guy. Oh and Let's not forget Saffire! We did kill him good.

    Leora: Yeah but didn't we need like a slayer, an ex- god, a higher being, me, you, Rayne, and Katana to help?

    Carmen: Oh please! We were bad ass enough that we could of done it ourselves.

    Leora: Oh yeah. Definitely.

    They look at each other with disappointment.

    Leora: Well I guess we should find that tale.

    The Sacred Circle lights up around them. Carmen walks over to the trunk at the back, Leora following behind cautiously.

    Carmen: Our token druggie best not have messed around with it.

    Leora: I wonder if she's gone?

    Carmen opens up the trunk. Cynthia looks up at the two of them as she's scrunched up right on her side.

    Cynthia: Can I come out now?

    Carmen grabs a piece of paper from beside Cynthia.

    Carmen: No! What do you think I am? Reasonable? Do I look like my husband to you?

    She slams the trunk closed once more. Carmen looks at the paper.

    Carmen: Time to find out what this is all about.

    She reads it and pauses.

    Leora: What is it?

    Carmen: Huh?

    Leora: What does the paper say?

    Carmen: Huh?

    Leora: Carmen! What? does? the? paper? say? please!

    Carmen: I'm not deaf!

    Leora: Let me see that!

    Leora grabs the paper from her.

    Leora: Huh?

    Zoom in on the paper. It says simply in plain times new roman point ten font right in the middle of the page: Huh? Leora drops the paper and stares at Carmen, scared.

    Carmen: What does it mean?

    Leora: I think I know? as I always do?

    Carmen: Leora, what's wrong?

    Leora: This? this is no epic? this is? oh my God? I can't even say it!

    Carmen: Woos? no wonder you die.

    Leora: This is terrible! It's? the parody?

    Carmen: Already? But we've only just finished our third season!

    Leora: It appears Alex wanted it early? oh how he is with these things!

    Carmen: Power tripped.

    A jar falls behind Carmen and breaks, she jumps.

    Carmen: Sorry!

    Leora: We have to prepare fast!

    Carmen: It's already started!

    The rest of the main cast: Feora, Galen, Rayne, and Michael in this instance, appears around them immediately. Rayne sees his scared wife and best friend.

    Rayne: What's wrong! We must know before we have sex!

    Carmen: It's come? The Parody.

    End Teaser.

    Theme song of the day: Fillip ? Muse

    Starring:
    Raven Adams - Leora Byrne (DEAD!)

    Credits suddenly stop. Cut back to the Sacred Circle, Leora is alone.

    Leora: Stop right there! That's all that's important!

    Out of nowhere Carmen smacks her and Leora falls to the ground.

    Carmen: Continue please!

    The Sacred Circle fades away.

    Christina Silvergieter - Carmen White-Rayne (Pregnant and alone)
    Cory Fauche - Feora (Dead?er)
    Peter Krause - Galen (Stabbed good!)
    Alex Hart - Michael (? does anyone really care?)
    And Alexander Brown as Arthur Rayne (Comatosed)

    Also Starring:
    Caitlin Wachs as Caitlin Smith (Back for more? to her dismay)

    Credits stop once more and the Sacred Circle appears again. Caitlin appears into the centre of the room, the cast all by, Leora rubbing her head from Carmen's attack. Caitlin looks around.

    Caitlin: Shit! Why do I always end up back in this hell hole?

    Carmen: Excuse me?

    Caitlin: I was prepping for a show of my own, thank you very much!

    Feora(To Galen beside her): She's a snobby one? why didn't I kill her?

    Galen: Did you ever kill anyone?

    Feora: Her boyfriend!

    Leora glares at her sister.

    Feora: Oh get over it, dead girl!

    Leora: I could melt you again if you'd like!

    Feora: Bring it, bitch!

    Leora and Feora take fighting stances, every looks at them, shaking their heads. The credits return and the Sacred Circle disappears.

    Created by:
    Alexander Brown (Master)
    And Travis Truant-Simpson (Master who left?)

    Executive Producers:
    Alexander Brown (Again the Master! But not the fruit punch face one?)
    Joseph Sessumes (Oh so important slave)
    And Travis Truant-Simpson (? go back to your Sorceress! Pfft!)

    Written by:
    Alexander Brown (Wow? we just love our Master!)

    Rayne pipes up in the darkness as the credits go.

    Rayne: Boy do I love my name!

    Carmen: What?

    Rayne: Well I'm lead male, creator, executive producer - like they do anything, writer and all supreme ruler!

    Rayne laughs manically.

    Carmen: Oh God?

    Additional Writing:
    Joseph Sessumes (We love his slave too?)

    Based on: That Vampire show ? to that feminist dude! We love you whoever your real name should be! And that story with the pictures and the sex? no? not porn? Oh! ? to that sexy British Man! We all want in your pants, Mr. Gaiman, we all want in?

    In Association With: Series by my friendlies? and Sexy Lexy? he's too sexy for friends that one. SORCERESS OF CRIMSON FALLS created by Travis Truant-Simpson (you smell for leaving RAVEN all to me?), BROKEN DESTINY created by Joseph Sessumes (And YOU smell because you won't leave your series and write regularly for mine? pfft!) and Alexander Brown (Well? the Master HAS to have other hobbies?), HIKARI created by us three again (? I'm too lazy for the names now? even if ones my own?), CHOSEN created by Heather (you pervert?), ASTA created by Irene Isaac (Queen! *bows down to* I can't badmouth you! Except that -), ROGUE REDEMPTION created by Amber Rose (You wrote for me? I lerves you!), SHADOW STALKER by Sexy Lexy (tribute above), and Seasons by Alex (Maybe I should put an 8 next to Raven and more people will read? or maybe I should just like rename it 8! What ya think?)

    Everyone appears again.

    Michael: Is it me, or do these things get longer every episode?

    Leora: You're complaining? We've been here for three years!

    Carmen nods next to this.

    Rayne: Well I find it just dandy.

    Carmen: We heard you gallivant your name around, dear.

    Rayne: It's the prettiest damn generic name ever!

    Galen: Can we just start the first act already?

    Caitlin: Yeah, some of us want to go home!

  • #2
    Act One:

    Caitlin: Thank you!

    Voice(Off screen): No problem!

    Leora: Oh my God, what was that?

    Voice(Off screen): Why it is I, your Master!

    Carmen: You sound like my husband?

    Rayne: I sound like that? Oh my God? am I a fag or what?

    Carmen: I like feminine men?

    Master(Off screen): Silence!

    Everyone is quiet. Feora gets up and walks out the door.

    Feora: I'm going back to my club. Kill ya later!

    Leora: Does she ever just kill someone?

    Galen: Well she got your boyfriend?

    Leora: We covered that earlier?

    Master(Off screen): The timeline for this episode is before then! Hush all of you!

    Rayne: But we're tired of season three!

    Carmen: I don't want to be pregnant anymore?

    Carmen suddenly looks five months pregnant.

    Carmen: I said don't!

    Master(Off screen): Well, even with your knowledge of the future episodes, you must trek on in this adventure.

    Caitlin: Adventure? This is a total mockery to us all!

    Caitlin disappears.

    Michael: Where'd she go?

    Rayne: Where'd who go?

    Michael: Caitlin?

    Rayne: She's been in San Francisco the whole time, you idiot?

    Leora: Have you been smoking again?

    Five joints appear in his mouth. Michael's eyes go bloodshot instantly.

    Galen: Just like every episode.

    Rayne: That should be our tagline.

    Master(Off screen): It is!

    Leora looks up.

    Leora: Why do you do that?

    Master(Off screen): Do what?

    Leora: Appear and disappear? Can't we have scenes without you?

    Carmen: My God, we've gone a long way and theres been no change of scene!

    Galen and Michael disappear.

    Master(Off screen): I can change that.

    Cut to: Galen and Michael sitting in a graveyard. Michael still has his joints, unable to speak. Galen looks around waiting for a vampire to appear. Suddenly, one pops up!

    Galen: Yay!

    The vampire trips and falls on a branch and dusts.

    Galen: Damnit!

    Another one pops up.

    Galen: Finally!

    This one lights a cigarette but accidentally catches on fire. Galen slouches back down.

    Galen: I never get any good scenes.

    Michael tries to mumble something. Galen takes out the joints for him. Michael gasps for air.

    Michael: Killing you was fun? hehe!

    Galen smacks him upside the head.

    Cut to: Leora, Rayne and Carmen sitting in a caf?. Carmen doesn't look very pregnant this time.

    Leora: So paridodic things?

    Rayne: Paridodic?

    Leora: What? it could be a word?

    Carmen: Red squiggle dictates otherwise!

    Leora: Who will care?

    Rayne: I will?

    Leora: You're supposed to be asleep? shut up you!

    Rayne falls asleep suddenly.

    Carmen: Hey! Don't put him to bed like that!

    Leora: I'm sorry!

    Carmen: Maybe you should die!

    Leora falls down.

    Leora: Ow!

    She can't get up.

    Leora: Oh shit?

    Carmen: That's better? karma! Ha!

    Leora: Oh shut up?

    Carmen: Make me.

    Leora: If I could move?

    Carmen: But you can't? so ha!

    Leora: I hate you sometimes?

    Carmen: Yes, but viewers find me the most important. And that's what counts!

    Leora: Why don't you become the main character then?

    Carmen: Of course? what a great idea!

    Master(Off screen): I thought of it first!

    Carmen looks up.

    Carmen: I hate that!

    Master(Off screen): Leora has something important to say? I will be silent? for now.

    Carmen: She does? That's unusual?

    Leora: As I was saying? paridodic things will be blatantly commented by the characters in this episode.

    Rayne(Waking up): Well that's already happened?

    Leora: Like what?

    Rayne: Like Caitlin's appearances? remarks on your repression? that kind of thing?

    Carmen: And not to mention the credits? oh God? cause the page and a half it already is isn't enough!

    Leora: And now we're going to one of the five places to be shown on this show?

    Rayne: Caf?, club, slave drivers store-

    Carmen: Hey!

    Rayne: - graveyard? and?

    Leora: My apartment and the school.

    Carmen: That's six?

    Leora: Those two count as one?

    Rayne: Wouldn't graveyard and club be counted together then?

    Leora: I guess. We have four and a half places then.

    Rayne: We need to broaden our scenery a bit.

    Carmen: We went to Mexico?

    Leora: Probably filmed in the back of your store.

    Carmen: True? true?

    Rayne: Is there anything you can do?

    Silence.

    Rayne: Hello? is there anything you can do?

    Master(Off screen): I can't hear you!

    Rayne: Do I have to?

    Carmen: It's the only way to get his attention?

    Rayne: Oh most merciful big powerful almighty liberating masterful wonderful big great one! Is there any way you can broaden our experiences on this show?

    Master(Off screen): I will see? after?

    End Act One: Commercial Break

    Carmen appears once more, this time bloated to the point she is almost popping babies. Rayne and Leora come out after her.

    Carmen: Notice how we never have ads?

    Rayne: Maybe we should fix that!

    Leora: I know!

    Willow and Tara appear.

    Leora: Make love you two!

    Willow: What?

    Tara: That's not right?

    Rayne: Come on, for the sake of Lesbain Love!

    Carmen: What kind of commercial is this?

    Leora: One to promote gay rights!

    Willow: Well if its for that?

    Willow and Tara begin to make out. Rayne watches, clapping his hands together. Carmen pistil whips him and he falls to the ground. Leora and Carmen move in close, Tara and Willow in the background.

    Carmen: If you have a friend or loved one that's gay, then do the human thing! Be accepting! That's why we endorse buying multitudes of copies of Brokeback Mountain!

    Leora: It involves two gay cowboys!

    Carmen: We also want to condone not voting Conservative! It's the not stupid thing to do!

    Leora: Why do we always get to politics.

    Carmen snaps at her.

    Carmen: Parody!

    Leora: Sorry!

    Carmen: Please, buy your copy of Brokeback Mountain today! And vote Liberal!

    Leora: I vote New Democratic?

    Carmen pistil whips Leora and smiles at the camera. Willow and Tara disappear.

    Carmen: it's the Carmen thing to do!

    Fade To Black

    Comment


    • #3
      Act Two:

      Leora, Rayne and Carmen are suddenly transported to the Eiffel Tower's base. They look around.

      Leora: Why are we here?

      Rayne: We asked to be moved?

      Master(Off screen): Beware what you wish for!

      Carmen: How do I know this could get out of hand?

      Leora: Because, like everything in this show, it is highly predictable and always gets way out of hand! I mean, just look!

      Scarlet appears.

      Leora: She's back? again!

      Scarlet: What the?

      Scarlet disappears.

      Carmen: At least in season two it was just flashbacks.

      Rayne: Season two was just a flashback? a really long flashback?

      Master(Off screen): Let the mayhem begin!

      Cut to: The streets of Tokyo, Japan. The three appear in the center of a sea of short, black haired Asians.

      Rayne: How stereotypical.

      Carmen: Have you ever noticed that we lack an ethically different character?

      Leora: Or we kill them?

      Master(Off screen): Should I fix that?

      Leora: If we can go home?

      Cut to: The Sacred Circle, the three appear in the center. Suddenly an Asian lady appears too.

      Carmen: Oh my God? it's Sandra Oh!

      Rayne: Who?

      Sandra: You don't know who I am?

      Leora: Of all the people to be ethnically inclined with?

      Master(Off Screen): Grey's Anatomy owns!

      Suddenly a black woman appears in a surgical uniform.

      Sandra: Chandra Wilson?

      The woman looks at her.

      Woman: Cristina, what are you doing here?

      Leora: Oh my God? the Nazi herself!

      Dr. Bailey: Rounds people, rounds!

      Suddenly lighting crashes into Bailey and Sandra Oh! Death appears, sighs and takes away the women.

      New Voice(Off Screen): Shut up, Alex, it does not!

      Carmen: Sandra!

      Rayne: I am still lost?

      Leora: So much for equality?

      Master(Off Screen): Get out of my episode, Travis!

      Travis(Off Screen): Who do you think you are, leader of the world?

      Master(Off Screen): Give or take thirty years, yeah!

      Travis(Off Screen): No one cares, Alex, no one cares!

      Master(Off Screen): Joe cares! He loves me!

      Travis(Off Screen): That slave monkey? Eck!

      Leora: Writer jargon is weird?

      Travis(Off Screen): I'm out of here? I have another apocalypse to write!

      Master(Off Screen): So long?

      The sound of a door closing.

      Master(Off Screen): Jackass? leaving my show?

      Carmen: Umm? what about us?

      Rayne: Will any of the readers get the last scene?

      Master(Off Screen): Do I care if they do?

      Leora: Can we stop with the writers own politics and get on with this damn show! We've got pages to go!

      Cut to: Feora in her club. Galen walks in, Michael behind.

      Galen: Hey my dear cousin.

      Feora: Our little Judas, coming to plan more betrayal?

      Michael: Shouldn't you two be dead?

      More joints appear in Michael's mouth.

      Feora: We're in season three, remember?

      Galen: I loved the end of that.

      Feora: You died?

      Galen: Well before that! It was hidden so well who was the traitor!

      Feora: Yet it was so obvious!

      Galen: Too bad we did bite it?

      Feora: Oh well, who stays dead in this show anyways?

      Scarlet appears.

      Scarlet: Again?

      Galen: That Tate dude did.

      Feora: No one liked him anyways.

      Scarlet: Why do I keep coming here?

      Feora and Galen ignore her.

      Feora: So you're looking good!

      A knife appears in his back.

      Galen: Thanks, I've tried to clean it up best I could.

      Michael spits out the joints and watches the blood run down Galen's back.

      Michael: Hehe blood?

      Scarlet: Is there anything worth while in this episode?

      Master(Off Screen): Maybe after this-

      End Act Two: Commercial Break.

      Carmen appears once more. She smiles and holds up a pregnancy test box.

      Carmen: It's the Carmen thing to do!

      Fade to black.

      Comment


      • #4
        Act Three:

        The Sacred Circle, the whole cast is once more assembled.

        Leora: We sure are moving around fast?

        Rayne: Well it is the end of the episode?

        Leora: Of course? act three?

        Carmen: Always so rushed and short!

        Master(Off Screen): Silence!

        Everyone looks up at once.

        Rayne: Can he stop doing that? It scares me?

        Galen: Is this almost over yet? We're all out of character?

        Master(Off Screen): That's because you are all? your actors.

        Everyone suddenly looks around, not knowing who they are.

        Leora: What the hell? who are all of you?

        Carmen: Oh my God?

        She takes out a cigarette and starts to smoke.

        Feora: You're pregnant!

        Carmen lifts up her shirt to show a pillow.

        Michael spits out more joints and is suddenly British.

        Michael: What the hell is up with this shit? I don't like smokers!

        Rayne suddenly rises from the confusion

        Rayne: You had an affair with one anyway.

        Michael: Alex, is that you?

        Rayne: Why yes, yes it is.

        Carmen: The Master manifested!

        Leora: Can we end this parody, please!

        Feora: Why am I a slut?

        Galen: Am I the only one played by a real actor?

        Rayne: No Caitlin is.

        Carmen: Again, who cares!

        Carmen takes out a bottle of vodka and starts to drink away.

        Leora: Why is this show still on? Why do you persist in this stupidity?

        Rayne: I was just bored?

        Galen: Why am I here? I should be? well where should I be?

        Rayne: Six Feet Under ended, buddy.

        Leora: I hate this?

        Suddenly everyone is back in character. Michael picks up a joint on the ground, Feora stops playing with her slutty outfit, Carmen spits out the vodka.

        Master(Off Screen): Alright, I have toyed enough? time to work on the next season.

        Leora: Thank the lord this is over!

        Master(Off Screen): Till next time!

        End Episode.

        Special Appearances By:
        Alyson Hannigan - Willow Rosenberg
        Amber Benson -Tara Maclay (Where the below goes, they follow)
        Travis Truant-Simpson - Himself (Just the voice of course? pfft)
        Sandra Oh - Sandra Oh (We love you so!)
        Chandra Wilson - Dr. Miranda Bailey (Nazi! Ahh!)
        Alexis Bledel - Cynthia (Trunk girl!)
        With Teresa Cruz as Death of the Endless (Who brings all the cool dead people away!)
        And Jenn Smith as Scarlet (She who never leaves?)

        Comment


        • #5


          Feedback here please.

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