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Marcie by Esme Rome [ongoing]

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  • Marcie by Esme Rome [ongoing]

    Hi everyone! I'm currently writing a novella (short novel) about Marcie Ross, the invisible girl from Season 1. I'd appreciate any feedback you have. Information and links are below.

    Title: Marcie

    Rating: T

    Genre: Thriller/Suspense

    Characters: Marcie Ross, Ethan Rayne

    Links: Ao3,, Wattpad

    Summary: Marcie Ross is an assassin for a shadowy government agency. She's had twenty years of training in assassination, infiltration, and espionage. But when things go badly wrong, everyone will start to notice her, and she'll have to deal with being way too visible, and wanted by all the wrong people.

    This story takes place about twenty years after the events of "Out of Mind, Out of Sight," the episode that introduced Marcie back in 1997.

    Here's the teaser:

    "Marcie Ross, covert government assassin and spy, is in the Bahamas to do a job: go to a party, kill one guy, disappear. She's invisible, literally, so it shouldn't be too hard. She's done it a thousand times before; nothing ever goes wrong. Only this time, it does. Majorly. Now she has a tough choice to make, with dozens of lives hanging in the balance."

  • #2
    I had read chapters 1-3 before, very much enjoyed them, and just gave them a quick reread as I read 4 too.

    The assignment of the first three chapters was again really a gripping read. I love the pace of it and the insight into what Marcie was out there actually doing and some idea of her response to it and the people she is following/assigned to. I thought the inclusion of some background in the new chapter was great. I did find it a bit hard to follow who was speaking in the scene with the Shut eye kids. Although I think it is quite effective to underline to the reader that aspect within their communications that has built to overcome their inability to see body language cues and I really liked the suggestions of their own independent social structuring.

    I also thought there were a couple of odd uses of the forward slash '/' within sentences and wasn't sure if it was a drafting process as you wrote and amended that had stayed in a couple of places (such as: 'A low laugh rippled out from/across the table.' and 'It was 1997, the summer of Spice Girls and Backstreet Boys, and though everyone professed to hate that stuff, they'd nearly / They weren't supposed to have media, and they certainly weren't supposed to go off-site to get it/for any reason, but it happened.')

    I have to say that it is a really very enjoyable story that has a lot of potential. I really like the premise of actually finding out more about what happened with Marcie and seeing her on assignment and then dropping back to her time in training and the interactions with the other students is just great. I think you have captured the feeling of the character that we saw so briefly and brought it into your fic and expanded on it excellently so far. It is definitely a story that I'd love to read more of.