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Death is his gift and he hopes you won't return it: A Buffy/Dead Like Me crossover

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  • Death is his gift and he hopes you won't return it: A Buffy/Dead Like Me crossover

    Mason adjusted the hood of his robe and tried not to breathe too loudly. The robe was itchy and smelled of sweat and mould. Hmm. Reminded him of a squat he lived in once. That made him feel more cosy.

    This reap was proving to be a massive pain in the arse. He'd had to punch someone in the face to get the robe?someone with a very hard (and not to mention, scabby) head. Still, it'd got him close to the scene, and
    that was what mattered. He had to get this one right right. Dreaded to think what Rube might do if he didn't ? no, not what he'd do. The look he'd give. Brr. If looks could kill?maybe Rube didn't even have to touch his reaps any more? Just had to look at them with that?look.

    Focus, Mason, focus. You can't f uck it up. You won't f uck it up. No! For I am death! Look on my f ucking works ye mighty and def uckingspair. Yeah!

    He took a deep breath and peeped out from his hiding place. The fight was in full swing?and today's reap was right near him, holding a hammer. Fast as he could, he reached out and ran his hand down her leg. Without a downwards glance, she lashed out with her boot and gave him a brutal kick to the chest. Felt like a truck hitting him. He flew backwards through the air and was knocked out, cold.

    When he woke up, it was all over. The battle had ended and the girl was lying dead on a pile of rubble. Her friends gathered around her, in various attitudes of grief. Looked like the end of a Shakespeare play. Not that he'd ever technically been to the theatre, but he did see one on telly once when he was trying to impress Daisy with his knowledge of the Bard. The ladies love it when you quote old Bill, oh yes.

    He noticed that Buffy Summers' soul was standing nearby, looking up at a girl on the tower staircase. "Dawn?" she called. When the girl didn't respond, she shook her head. She looked at the tearful girl, lip trembling a little, then turned and looked at her own dead body. "Thought so."

    "Ah, Miss Summers?" Mason waved at her.

    Buffy turned. She did a double take. "You? Again??"

    Mason blinked. "You?remember?" He strolled closer, looking her up and down, then smiling in what he hoped was a cool but lascivious manner. "I'm flattered."

    Buffy made a disgusted face. "You're hitting on me? I'm dead!"

    "So? So am I. And I'm not hitting on you. I'm just?doing the job in a friendly way. I'm here to take you on to the next life."

    Buffy folded her arms and gave him a sceptical look. "That's what you said last time."

    "Er?yeah?about that." Mason shuffled his feet. "Sorry. Bit of a f uckup. See, I wasn't exactly one hundred per cent sober last time?and things got a little?complicated?"

    Buffy smiled and waved off his apology. "Really not a problem. It's not like I was eager to die back then."

    Mason gave her a curious look. "And you are this time?"

    "I didn't mean that." Buffy glanced around the scene. All her friends were kneeling around her body. "Strange?I feel like I should be sad but?"

    "Nah, don't be. Lovely heroic girl like you, I'm betting you're going onto somewhere spiffy. Heavenly hosts?all that?not that I'd know." He jerked his head towards the alley that led back to the main street. "We should be getting on. I don't want to risk?not getting you wherever you're going. Boss'll have my beautiful little arse if we don't."

    "Hmm." Buffy wasn't really listening. She was gazing at her friends, an inscrutable expression on her face. "They'll be ok." It wasn't a question. Though she didn't sound quite certain either.

    "They're not your problem any more. C'mon."

    They started to walk. Buffy looked back one more time. "No, I suppose they're not." She turned to Mason. "So, I didn't get time to ask last time, only being dead for a minute?how'd you get this gig?"

    "Dunno. Fate? Chance? Sod's law?" Mason blenched as he saw something running past him in the darkness. Something with a very mucked up face. "Bloody hell?what was that?"

    "Vampire." Said Buffy. "That's my gig. Which, seems like it's handed out a bit like your gig."

    "You're a?vampire?"

    Buffy rolled her eyes. "Slayer. Vampire slayer. Don't they tell you this stuff?"

    "Nah. No secret handshakes, no mystical secrets about the universe." He rubbed his chest. "Though, we do heal really fast. Which is lucky?that bloody hurt! I think you ruptured something in there!"

    "Well, when a hooded minion grabs my leg in the middle of a battle, I don't tend to stop and check whether they're my friendly local grim reaper."

    "Fair enough."

    They were at the high street now, near the largest city graveyard. Buffy seemed unphased by the fact that no one could see her. "This is relaxing," she said. "No one to fight. Nothing to do."

    "We could relax a little more over a beer?" Mason suggested.

    Buffy just gave him a look.

    "Thought not."

    "So, where are we going?"

    "My money's on?.there."

    The cemetery gates weren't there any more. In their place was a shining entranceway to?Mason couldn't quite make it out. It looked like a cross between a fun fair and a shopping mall, with some kind of beach attached. Buffy's face lit up. "I think I can take it from here," she said. Then she turned, and ran into the light.

    As Buffy's personal lightshow dimmed and Mason was standing in the dark street, he sighed with relief. It had all gone off smoothly. Phew. If for any reason her death didn't stick this time?at least it wouldn't be his fault.

    -- Robofrakkinawesome BANNER BY FRANCY --