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  • troubled

    (oke here is like my first lost fic soo.. please bear with me... I hope you guys all like it! PM me with critizism suggestions or whatever... lol...)

    Sawyer was sat at his makeshift tent reading a book occasionally glancing up at the people on the beach, talking, bickering.... The blond shook his head taking a deep drag from his cigarette... let them be the heroes, hanging on the hope... the life they had left behind... Sawyer knew better. His attention was turned back to the book when something hit his side bouncing onto his lap "hey.. what the...!" he exclaimed startled as he now was jumped by the golden retriever. Sawyer quickly got to his feet now seeing the little girl that had followed the dog. The small brunette brought her hand to her mouth as she saw what she had done "I... I'm sorry sir..." she softly said stammering looking at the sand. The conman frowned but shook his head "s'alright princess... just be more careful next time, will you?" he replied. The girl now nodded slightly and ran off Vincent in tow.

    Jenny looked around frantically. She had wondered too far from their part of the beach and now there was no one to be seen "Sam!" she cried "SAM!" her desperate scream came once more...
    Sawyer had gone for a walk... that damn doc... if mister goody-two-shoes wouldn't ... then, Sawyer vowed, he would find just exactly who he was dealing with. The blond kicked at some sand angrily before something else caught his interest. He ran towards the sound of the screams only to find the little girl standing there... lost. Sawyer walked over crouching down before the small brunette "lost princess?" his southern accent came questionably.
    Jenny eyed the man before her first with sheer relief which soon was replaced by fear. She had heard them all talk about him saying he was bad... She didn't want any more bad man... "I..." was all she could muster dropping her eyelids looking at her feet.

    Sawyer frowned, he had noticed this girl's somewhat strange behaviour before, but had put that down to shyness, adjustment to all the new people, this place... but now he wasn't to sure. The blond rose to his feet "how about we head back to camp?" he smiled at the brunette who now had found the courage to look at him. She nodded, unsure what to make of this.
    Sawyer now extended a hand and when she hesitantly took it with her small one he started on his way back lighting up one of his last cigarettes. The girl looked up at him her eyes meeting his, suddenly all fear was gone... the others had been wrong... he wasn't bad... or so she at least thought. The brunette pointed at the cigarette "you shouldn't do that... It is bad for you" she said nodding knowingly. Sawyer raised his eyebrows chuckling slightly "that right mum?" he asked smiling. The little girl looked at him "I'm not your mother...!" she giggled. The conman smirked shaking his head "one of the last ones anyway" he simply shrugged "then I'll have to quit, how's that princess" the conman smirked. Jenny simply shrugged. She now spotted the camp. The little girl ran of when she noticed her sister on the lookout at the beach.

    Samantha saw her sister running towards her. The teen held out her arms wrapping them around the little girl "waar was je" (where were you?) she asked "ik was doodongerust" (I was worried sick). The little girl smiled, guilty "sorry? ik was wat gaan wandelen en was verdwaald" (sorry? I had gone for a walk and got lost) she answered. Samantha smiled ruffling the girls hair "niet meer doen oke?" (just don't oke?") the teen warned her sister who nodded happily "oke?" she simply responded running of again to go and play with the dog. Samantha shook her head watching the little girl play. Then the elder sister turned to the blond guy that Jenny had come back with. Her eyes took in this red-neck people always were complaining about. Sawyer caught the teens look and for a moment their eyes met before Samantha turned back to her part of the beach sitting down keeping an eye on the little brunette.
    Last edited by loekie; 05-07-07, 04:21 PM.
    hiding, scared
    why won't it let go?
    What did I do?
    Will it ever end?
    Ever get better?

  • #2
    Samantha was stood on the beach desperately looking around. Then her face cleared up as she saw a little girl running towards her "Jenny!" the teen exclaimed sweeping up the brunette in her arms "waar was je? Ik was dood ongerust" (where have you been? I was worried sick)
    Jenny laid her head on her sisters shoulder as she now was in the older girls arms "sorry?" her small voice answered "Ik was gaan wandelen en verdwaalde" (I went for a walk and got lost) she added smiling guiltily at her sister.

    Samantha smiled back at the small brunette "wil je me nooit meer zo laten schrikken?" she pleaded (will you never ever scare me like that again?)

    "oke" the little girl shrugged carelessly. Then Walt and Vincent walked by and Jenny ran of to play with the dog leaving Samantha alone on the beach.

    Samantha now looked over at where her sister had come from noticing the blond guy she had come back with. The man everyone was always moaning about. The girl ran a hand trough her long hair intently looking at him. Sawyer noticed the girls look and for the briefest moment their eyes met before Samantha turned to their little makeshift tent keeping a close eye on her sister.

    Sawyer frowned but shook his head sighing as he went to go chop some wood swinging the axe again and again, every once in a while stopping to wipe the sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand when there was a familiar voice behind him.

    "what do you want?" the female voice asked impatient hands on her hips as she looked at him questionably.

    Sawyer just frowned as he slightly turned his head to look at the brunette "excuse me?" the conman asked incredulously

    Kate sighed "what do you want?" she repeated growing more impatient by the moment.

    Sawyer raised an eyebrow "Freckles, I've got so many answers to that question I wouldn't even know where to begin" he chuckled before turning back to the wood

    Kate growled slightly in frustration rolling her eyes "what do you want for the inhalers?"

    Sawyer frowned slightly "hmm good question" he started "hang on a tick" with that he slammed the axe down once more before turning around to face the young woman behind him "A kiss ought to do it" his answer finally came

    "what?" Kate's head snapped up a look of disbelieve in her eyes. Did he really just say?.? She shook her head running a hand through her dark curls

    "A kiss from you, right now" the blond simply repeated locking his eyes on the young woman's smiling mischievously.

    Kate just sighed "I don't buy it" she said forcefully the hint of a smile on her face

    "buy what?" Sawyer glaring at the brunette woman as she spoke then turning back towards the chopping of wood.

    "the act, you try to hard Sawyer I ask you to help a woman who can't breathe, and you want me to kiss you? Nobody's that disgusting. I've seen you, you know" she responded undeterred. She was not scared of him not matter how hard he tried.

    "seen me what?" the redneck sighed getting annoyed now looking at her over his shoulder curious now, hesitating before swinging the axe again.

    "with that piece of paper. The one you keep in your pocket. I've seen the expression on your face when you read it, and how carefully you fold it up. It means something to you. So you can play games all you want, but I know there's a human being in there somewhere. Give me the medication" the young woman now simply told him convinced she was on the right track to finally get through to him.

    Sawyer's eyes hardened even further as he now stopped putting down the axe while turning around to face her "you think you understand me?" he asked locking his cold emotionless eyes on her brown ones as he moved closer to her.

    "Yeah I think I have a?." Kate started a little take aback but was cut of by the man's now dark voice.

    "Shut up!" he warned voice dangerously low "you want to know what kind of human being I am? Read it!" the conman added practically forcing the piece of paper in the woman's hands "read it, out loud"

    I fear who I am becoming
    I fear that I'm losing the battle within
    I can no longer restrain it
    My strength it is fading I have to give in

    "Dear Mr. Sawyer, you don't know who I am, but I know who you are, and I know what you've done. You had sex with my mother, and then you stole my dad's money all away. So he got angry, and he killed my mother. And then he killed himself, too" Kate read voice getting shaky.

    "Don't stop now? you're just getting to the good part" the southern accent urged her to continue. Sawyer eyes were still on the brunette's but she did not meet his gaze.

    "All I know is your name, but one of these days I'm gonna find you, and I'm gonna give you this letter so you'll remember what you done to me. You killed my parents, Mr. Sawyer" the woman's now small still shaky voice finished the letter still unable to meet the blonds gaze.

    It the fear
    (fear of the dark)
    It growing inside of me
    That one day will come to life

    Sawyer watched the other, pleased at her reaction. He leant into her his face only inches away from the brunette's "now how ?bout that kiss?" he asked voice low but Kate just stood there avoiding his eyes unable to respond. The southerner shook his head slightly "I didn't think so" the redneck stated turning around picking up the axe again going back to what it was he was doing.

    A few hours later Sawyer had been tied to a tree, tortured, stabbed and now woke up back at his tent. The southerner looked around a little dazed when he noticed someone sitting beside him.

    Kate was holding the letter reading it when she noticed the blond had awoken "you're lucky to be alive" the young woman told him matter-of-factly moving closer towards where the man lay

    "Jack??" the man's still groggy voice came questionably just glaring at the woman beside him.

    "Went to the caves to check on Shannon" she answered curtly as she now sat down beside him showing him the letter and envelope "I read it again. And then again, because I've been trying to figure out why you beat up Boone instead of just telling him you didn't have his sister's medication. Why you pretended to have it anyway. The thing that I keep coming back around to is that you want to be hated. Then I looked at the envelope America's Bicentennial. Knoxville, Tennessee. You were just a kid, eight, maybe nine years old. This letter wasn't written to you. You wrote this letter. Your name's not Sawyer, is it?"

    "It was his name. He was a Confidence Man. Romanced my mama to get to the money. Wiped them out clean, left a mess behind. So I wrote that letter. I wrote it knowing one day I'd find him. But that ain't the sad part. When I was nineteen, I needed six grand to pay these guys off I was in trouble with. So I found a pretty lady with a dumb husband who had some money. And I got him to give it to me. How's that for a tragedy? I became the man I was hunting. I became "Sawyer" the conman finished now eying the woman who was looking at him sympathetically "don't you feel sorry for me. Get the hell out" he warned her voice dangerously low again. Kate now just stared at him for a moment before rising to her feet turning to walk away glancing around one last time before leaving

    Sawyer watched her leave before laying back down sighing heavily staring ahead blankly "damn" he muttered closing his eyes slightly before shaking his head? He didn't care?he never had and never would, he had vowed that to himself a long time ago? that's how it was gonna be. The conman then got to his feet strolling along the beach stopping staring of into the ocean deep in thought.

    Sayid walked on the beach seeing the red-neck there as well. His initial reaction was to turn around and walk away but the Iraqi took a deep breath setting aside his pride walking over to the other man politely clearing his throat to make the blond aware of his presence.

    Sawyer sighed turning his head slightly towards the dark man "yeah Ali, what do you want" he glared at him still pissed off.

    Sayid looked at the southerner sighing inwardly "I just wanted to see how you were doing" he finally answered. The ex-soldier felt awful over what he had done but also understood there was no way for him to turn back what had happened and if the other man did not forgive him there was nothing he could do.

    "What the hell do you care Mohammed?" the southern accent brought Sayid back to reality.

    Sayid just shrugged slightly "I'm sorry for what I did" he replied shaking his head slightly "you should have just told us the truth"

    "And where would be the fun in that?" Sawyer smirked eyes on the smaller man now "sides Ali, like there was any way you would have believed me if I had"

    The Iraqi shook his head. What was this man's problem? Sayid sighed shaking his head but didn't say anything knowing the red-neck was probably right. Sayid probably wouldn't have believed him, but then again that also was partly the blonds own fault by acting the way he had ever since they had stranded on the island.

    Sawyer now walked closer to the dark man "you do it again and I'll kill you" his now dark voice came locking his seacolored eyes on the other man's dark ones before walking of.

    That night Sawyer was sat at the beach staring out onto the black ocean deep in thought. The southerner had been unable to sleep as his mind kept turning to what had happened that day. He lit one of his last cigarettes running a hand through his hair taking a deep drag.

    Jenny woke up from a nightmare looking around breathing heavily, eyes scared before she realized she was safe. The little girl's eyes wondered around the tent eyeing her older sister who was vast asleep. She crawled out onto the beach. It didn't take her long before spotting someone else on the beach and the brunette wandered over to the lone figure sitting down beside him glancing up at the man beside her.

    Sawyer sighed as he turned his head slightly to see who had joined him on the beach. He was not really in the mood for company right now besides what was he gonna say to the kid? "Shouldn't you be in dreamland about now princess?" he finally said voice a little irritated.

    "I can't sleep" Jenny shook her head not paying any attention to the man's cold behavior.

    Sawyer sighed again turning back to the ocean again. Great, just his luck?. "And why is that then?" he asked voice still annoyed while not looking at her.

    "Bad dream" the small girl shrugged simply looking at him curiously. Was something wrong? Had she done something?? The brunette couldn't think of anything but was on her guard now.

    Sawyer eyes warmed for the briefest moment thinking about how often his own sleep had been haunted by nightmares back when?. He finally turned towards her "want to tell me what about little one?"

    "No" the girl's soft voice came looking at the ground for a moment before looking back at him.

    Sawyer simply shrugged not really caring, little girl like that on this island. Dream probably had been about monster or whatnot. The conman stared back of into the black night when he felt a little head against his shoulder. He was about to shove her away but then sighed shaking his head slightly as the little girl was asleep.


    There is pounding on a door and the eyes of a little boy open to find his mother standing over him.

    "Wake up. He's here. C'mon. Got to get you up. He'll think you're still with your grandparents, okay? Get under the bed. Let's go. Listen to mommy, this is really important. Get under the bed, don't make a sound; don't come out, no matter what happens. Don't come out, okay?" a young woman voice came desperately as she picked up her young son from his bed

    The little boy got up still sleep drunken nodded slightly "okay?"

    "I love you" the woman's voice came again ruffling the young boy's hair.

    "I love you too mommy" the little boy returned

    "Let's go, down you go" she ushered the boy who got under the bed.

    There is a man's voice screaming at the front door "open this door!"

    The woman makes her way out of the room towards the door "Stop it! Please stop it! What the hell is wrong with you? I'm calling the police, get out of here. What are you doing with a god damn gu?" she cried and then there was a shot followed by the sound of a body dropping to the floor.

    The little boy lay under the bed now completely pressed up against the far wall as he now saw the man's boots emerging in the room walking towards the bed where he sat down, a second gunshot and then silence the boy eyes wide with fear huddled together under the bed

    Kate got out of her ?tent' stretching her body as she got ready for another day. Her brown eyes wondered around the beach thinking she, as usual, would be the first to wake but frowned as she saw two other figures sitting on the beach. The young woman did a double take to make sure her eyes weren't deceiving her. Was that really Sawyer there sitting with the little girl? She walked up to them. Jenny was asleep and Sawyer was so deep in thought he hadn't even heard her arrive

    "need to be more careful cowboy, I coulda just been anyone? or anything?" she smiled at him as she now stood before him.

    Sawyer's head snapped up at the familiar voice that had brought him back from his little trip down memory-lane. When his eyes had registered whom it was that was there he sighed annoyed

    "yeah freckles, since when do you care?" he barked as he shook off what it was he had been thinking about.

    Kate just raised an eyebrow at the hostility she received "just?" but her she was cut off by the little girl.

    Jenny had another nightmare mumbling incoherently "nee? aljeblieft? ik? Ik heb niet?" (no? please I? I didn't) before her eyes snapped open looking around frantically breathing heavtily before realizing where she was.

    Kate looked at the blond man who made no attempt towards the girl. The woman sighed but moved in front off Jenny kneeling down

    "it's alright Jenny, it was just a dream" she tried shushing the little girl stroking the soft brown hair wrapping an arm around the still scared girl.

    Samantha crawled out of their tent frowning as she looked around for her sister. She found her with two other castaways. The teen sighed knowing what had happened. She walked over giving the woman a silent nod who now rose to her feet as did the blond guy. Samantha wrapped her arms around her sister's small shoulder pulling her close to her

    "shh? rustig maar, het is al goed, het is voorbij" she whispered softly trying to calm down the other girl (shh?, easy?. It's alright, it's all over). Samantha gently stroked the little girl's hair. It seemed to work.

    Jenny smiled slightly at her big sister nodding slightly "weet ik" her evenly soft reply came (I know) but still huddled close to her sister hiding her face into the older girls chest who in turn wrapped her arms around the small girl and the two of them just sat there.

    Kate caught up with the blond "hey?" she greeted unsure of what to say. She had been thinking about him a lot ever since he had told her to ?get the hell out'. Out of all things she had expected with the southerner she had never thought her would actually admit what she had found out? let alone telling her what had happened. She now had a lot more questions but was unsure of how to get them.

    Sawyer turned slightly "what?" he snapped. What the hell did this damn woman want? Hadn't he been clear the other day about leaving him the hell alone?

    "What was all that about?" Kate sighed? would he ever just let those damn walls down? She was just trying to help.

    "kid had a bad dream, wouldn't leave" the conman shrugged annoyed "seems to be a problem more people have here" Why couldn't these people just not mind their own ****ing business?

    "And you really minded?" Kate smiled at the man. He really wasn't as bad as all that. She still just didn't understand why he would want people to believe otherwise.

    Sawyer just shot the brunette a furious warning look "I did, she just would go the hell away?" his voice came low.

    Kate couldn't help but take a step back at the fury in the eyes of the southerner. The young woman then sighed giving up. She was never going to get him to open up.

    Further back the two girls still sat in cuddled up together Samantha still whispering softly but Jenny didn't seem to mind as she looked out onto the sea.


    Typical small Dutch house, a young teen stood in a doorway of a bedroom a sleeping man in the bed. Her hand clenched around a knife she had gotten from the kitchen and she sauntered over to the bed. She was glad her mother had gone out tonight and she didn't have to worry about the woman's fury. The girl now loomed over the man, swallowed hard but brought the knife down hard into the man's chest. He awoke with a start.

    "Sam?" his voice came shocked at the sudden pain but he was unable to sit up.

    Lost in the darkness, hoping for a sign.

    "Het spijt me" she softly mumbled swallowing hard again dropping the knife running out of the room after grabbing the man's wallet heading into another room where she picked up a little girl who slowly woke up

    "hmm.. Sam? Wat??" her soft voice came groggily as she looked at her sister inquisitively "wat is er? Waar gaan we naartoe?" (what?? What is it? Where are we going?)

    "Weg" the teen answered as she quickly grabbed some cloths and toiletries "pak wat mee moet" she spoke hurriedly as she now went back into her own room grabbing some of her own things putting it all in a bag returning to her sister grabbing the stuff the little girl had taken and put them in the bag as well, grabbed her sister and headed out the door. (away?. Grab what needs to come).

    Instead there's only silence, can't you hear my screams

    Samantha had absolutely no idea what she was going to do now. She flipped through the wallet discover there was loads of money in it? probably what he had made off of her that night. The young girl took a deep breath picking up her sister and walked towards the nearby train station and travelled to Schiphol where the two of them were they got a great deal on a plain ticket to Sydney.

    In the plane Samantha stared out of the small window still finding it hard to believe she had actually pulled it off. They were free. She smiled as the little girl beside her and ruffled the soft brown hair

    "Wat heb je gedaan?" (what did you do?) Jenny asked looking at her sister intently unsure what to make of all this. What was Sydney? What were they going to do now? Samantha swallowed before looking at her sister again

    "wat nodig was" (what needed to be done) she responded faced resolved.

    Jenny nodded slightly before resting her head against her sister's shoulder as they went on their way.

    Sawyer had walked into the jungle, away from all the others, their little ?community.' The conman sighed, what the hell did it matter anyway? He sighed as his thoughts went back to the day before. Kate had found out about his damn letter. The blond shook his head willing the memories out of his head. It was just this goddamn island. At home there would always be something to do to take his mind of off things either be it a woman or getting drunk but here on the island there was nothing to do. The southerner sat down leaning against the tree staring of into space despite himself.


    James didn't know how long he had been under that bed. He was still pressed against the wall, alone cold and scared surrounded by the silence of death. His father's foot hadn't moved but somehow the cries and screams would not leave the young boys mind and then there were the gunshots? they had been so loud. When daylight finally streamed into the house the boy had finally found the courage get out from under his hiding place his sea colered eyes shooting around the room taking in the scene. The man on the bed covered in blood which now also decorated the wall in spatters. The blond backed up out of the room down the stairs where his eyes now took in the sight of his mother's lifeless body slummed against the wall near the door. James swallowed silently kneeling down at the woman's side his small hands grasping her now cold one. Then the boy rose to his feet again as he responded to a shocked voice in the doorway.

    "Oh my god?" the soft cry came from the woman in the doorway. Liane had walked by the house the door wide open. Something didn't feel right and so she had decided to have a look now taking in the scene before her. She immediately dialled 911 gently putting a hand on the small boy's shoulders "it's all gonna be alright?" she said knowing how lame it sounded "they'll be here soon"

    James let the woman try and comfort him silently. He clenched his small fist fighting the tears that threatened to get through.

    Back on the island Sawyer now got to his feet heading back to the beach thinking he would just read something. The conman had always loved reading since it was an escape for him. He sat back down grabbing a book when someone walked up to him.

    "Wanna get out of my light princess?" he said annoyed at the little girl before him who slightly shifted from foot to foot.

    "Wil je spelen?" she asked voice nervous cocking her head slightly eying the man before her. Why was he being mean? An old familiar fear came over her? maybe she had been bad?

    "Care to translate that?" his accent came annoyed again. What was this girl's problem?

    "Wanna play?" she now repeated realising her mistake looking at him hopefully again. The other people on the island had been nice to her and her sister but somehow she felt some sort of connection with this man and wanted him to like her.

    "Play?" Sawyer now frowned. Who did this girl think he was? Hadn't it been clear now that he just wanted to left alone? "Your sis know you're here princess? Betcha she's worried sick" he said urging her to leave.

    "No" she simply answered "she was busy" she added sitting down beside the blond slightly straining her neck to see the book he was holding "good book?"

    "Yeah and I'd like to get back to it so just go play with someone else" Sawyer sighed turning his attention to the book again now but the girl was still there.

    "Everyone is busy" she simply shrugged. The blond now looked up seeing she was right. The beach was vacant except for two or three castaways who were busy gathering food, improving their shelter or whatnot.

    "Well I'm sure you can find something to entertain yourself" he sighed as he started to read again while the little girl got to her feet strolling around the beach looking at the ocean. She thought it was pretty here and she loved the water. She sat down in the sand starting to build herself a big sandcastle.


    Jenny was in bed footsteps on the stairs. She pulled the cover closer to her firmly closing her eyes. A door opened and now the footsteps closed the space between the door and her bed. A hand removed the covers yanking her upright. Jennifer gave a small startled cry opening her eyes.

    "Tijd voor een beetje plezier schatje" (time for some fun sweetie) a strong male voice came causing the young girl to whimper softly as he removed her nightgown and underwear. The brunette whimpered on last time

    "Papa? alsjeblieft?. Niet doen" her voice came begging softly near tears but to no avail. The man smacked her across the face.

    "bek dicht" he hissed "stel je niet aan en doe gewoon wat ik zeg"

    The little girl swallowed but her hands reached her father's shirt pulling it over his head after which her shaky fingers found the button of the man's pants and pulled them of as well and now indeed just did what she knew her father wanted.

    He was gone now leaving Jenny alone in her room curled up crying silently when two soft arms pulled her close whispering soothingly promising it was all going to be alright.

    Samantha had heard the footsteps up the stairs. Her eyes narrowed as they this time didn't stop at her door. She swallowed. This couldn't be? He couldn't?.. It wasn't long though before there was another set of footsteps and her door opened. She looked at the man that now entered. She didn't know him ?probably one of his friends' she thought bitterly. The guy smiled at her tying her writs together over her head and to the bed taking out a whip doing his thing.

    When done he at least untied her. There had been numerous occasions when she had been tied to the bed left there till her mom would come the next morning screaming at her why breakfast wasn't ready yet and what an awful daughter she was coming up with the most creative punishments to ?teach her a lesson' when the woman apparently decided beatings weren't cutting it anymore.

    For now at least she was free and as soon as she heard the footsteps leave her sister room she went over wrapping her arms around the small shoulder trying to shush her. The older knew something needed to be done. She just wasn't sure what.

    At the beach Jenny was working on the castle still deep in thought when Walt came over

    "Hey!" the boy greeted startling Jenny but she quickly recovered as she smiled at the dark boy "what are you doing?" he asked plopping down next to her. The two had spent a lot of time together on the island playing with Vincent and he had begun to like her.

    "Building a castle" she replied enthusiastically "wanna help?" she looked at the boy still smiling as she proudly showed him what she had made already.

    "sure" Walt answered smiling as he looked at the sandy building she had constructed so they went to work.
    hiding, scared
    why won't it let go?
    What did I do?
    Will it ever end?
    Ever get better?


    • #3
      The story was laid out very well...
      The dialogs was great, just add some commas here and there.

      Umm.. I did enjoy reading it, the portrayal of Sawyer, I thought, was well done and the story about the sisters is very mysterious and sooo sad...

      Negatives: Mostly grammar and some spelling..

      But overall: thumbs up

      love the Sawyer!
      Just under it, actually.