a oneshot ficlet from faith's pov. enjoy. and feedback welcome.

It's not always a choice.

I know about her, but I don't really know about her.
I don't let that kind of negative thinking in.
That's a lie.
I wake up every day and think about her.
I didn't used to. I used to wake up, pumped. I slept just as little then, but I was more rested.
Something had surged through me, April, May. I could barely remember. The first few months flew by, a blur. Quite a ride, really.
Living large, all that jazz. Doing the damage, and loving it. The purpose that came with the game.
The game.
The game where I was no longer the rule breaker. Turns out they know the twists too, only better.
So I skipped. Coz the reason was out there, was sure to be, and I'd been told her name.
Name, date and time, and it made sense that we were two. Made for each other, right?
The yin and yang, two sides of a coin.
But I wasn't made for her, or from her.
If it had been the other way round, would I have been skipping off to sunny Jamaica instead of Sunny D, and would I have been following another girl around, pleading for acceptance?
Or would I have kicked her butt, and moved on? Got some, something, anything, and got gone?
And every time I look at the petite blonde who should be my twin, I am forced to wonder if she sees me as Kendra's replacement? Does she resent me for it? She doesn't talk about her, but I assume they were close. The original sunshine sisters, or whatever. Synchronized slaying is not a new sport, much as we both pretend it is.
And every time she shouts me down for stepping up towards the end of the line... I am forced to wonder if she wishes I was her replacement.
I know she watches me too. I know I am her dangerous drug. I know I want to push her over the edge. I know a part of her wants me to.
I know why.
I know we are the yin and the yang.
I know we weren't meant to be made for one another.
I know we are the two sides of a coin, the black and white, the light and dark.
And hell, if she doesn't stumble, fall, cry out and bleed... I will.
And I don't think I'll make it back intact.
And hell, I never really was all that intact in the first place.
So here's to Kendra. Guess I'll meet her long before Buffy sees her again.
I know about her. I know about us all.
The chosen three.