Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

JOSS WHEDON'S Re-Union Party

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • JOSS WHEDON'S Re-Union Party

    Joss Whedon's Re-Union party
    MEDIEVAL BANQUET IDENTITY IDENTIFIER

    ANDREW = THE GOSSIP COLUMNIST,
    ANGEL = THE PURITAN
    BUFFY = FAITH
    RIVER = BLUE LADY
    CLEM DEVIL
    DARLA as DARLA
    DRUSILLA GOLD DIGGER
    DANA BLACK LADY
    DAWN AN ANGEL
    FAITH BUFFY GILES THE KINGS SCRIBE
    GUNN A RICH MAN
    ILLYRIA FRED
    JOSS WHEDON ZEUS
    INARA GREEN LADY
    JONATHON WIZARDS APPRENTICE
    MAL WIZARD
    SPIKE THE PREACHER
    VI RED LADY
    There are other characters but this site refuses to print them


    Saturday afternoon were always known to be a bit hectic, this one was even more so as the apartments building had been taken over by them as a re-union for some of the people who
    were the actors in the television shows Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Angel, Firefly and Dollhouse. Just for the day they all agreed to be in character.

    People were wondering around, Giles realised what was going to happen and he had deliberately turned up the sound system he had so that he couldn’t hear the girls shrieks. Willow was quietly sitting in her room doing some intensive studying, how many
    times the letter E was in the book titles on the book-shelves. Hearing her door (clever door huh?) she looked up to see Illyria and Dawn walking in. We have a problem, Illyria has never been to one of these do’s before,” said Dawn.
    “That’s ok,” said Willow.
    “What do we start with? oh I know,” said Dawn, “Eat with your hands, a knife or a fork, it doesn’t matter; if you eat too much or to fast it is ok to burp a bit, just make sure it is a small burp, that is how to burp politely.”
    Willow let a rip-snorter go, Dawn glared at her, Illyria smiled,
    “But that’s not the way to do it,” said Willow, as she tried to smile at them, “Oops.”
    As Dawn led Illyria out of the room, Willow carried on with the vitally important task of cataloguing every letter E in the book titles.
    “Her eyes don’t always look like that Illyria,” said Dawn
    “It looks like she has been counting the bricks on a wall,” said Illyria.

    Wanting to be left alone he put up a sign on his door,
    ‘GONE TO SEE WESLEY’.
    But at four fifteen Giles found that there was an emergency situation, he had gone to make himself a cuppa and found to his horror that he had run out of tea!.
    Trying to avoid any contact with people Giles decided to put on a brave face and treat this as though he was doing a perfectly acceptable thing. He hoped that he would make it back without getting caught up in any of the girl’s requests, the worst one he could imagine was if any of the girls asked him if the outfit they were wearing made them look fatter. Wearing women’s clothes was something that he avoided and discussing them came a very close second.
    Giles managed to make the kitchen without being seen by any-one. He had nearly back to his room when he heard a little voice behind him,
    “Oh please Mr. Giles, can you help me ?” asked Darla.
    “Why, another two foot and I would have been home free,” whispered Giles.
    “I need some black shoe polish,” continued Darla.
    “Oh lovely, thank you, thank you,” whispered Giles, looking up. Then turning around he saw fifteen girls, smiling at him.
    Darla gave a very descriptive situation report, “Gotcha !”
    They seemed happy with what they had done and wandered off. Giles quickly moved to the sanctuary of his room. He made him-self a cup of tea then sank slowly into the chair, quickly he stopped,
    “Oh my, I hope those poor people at the hotel know what they’ve let themselves in for.”

    At six thirty almost every-one was at, or in the hotels foyer, from the back of the room the Gunsmith shouted his order “Hey, you at the front, put the kettle on.”
    “It won’t suit me,” called back the Devil, very quickly,
    “Good grief, I just heard the Devil make a joke!” said the Preacher, “I nearly laughed as well.”
    The Puritan ran into the room “DEMON, DEMON! there is a demon outside.”
    The Preacher asked God.
    “What things would a priest say, and how would he say them?”
    “Try, ‘bless you my child‘ or ‘thank you my child’,” replied God.
    Faith was still laughing when she nearly bumped into The Preacher.
    “What is it now, slayer?” asked The Preacher.
    “Excuse me, that should be ‘yes my child, what is it?” said God, realising he had to find some-one else to talk to.
    “What are you so happy about?” asked The Preacher, as politely as he could.
    “I just got Willow,” said Faith.
    “Oh, yeah just got the Kings Scribe,” said The Preacher, “tell you what, why don’t we get as many as we can and put ten dollars in the kitty for each one, then total it up at the end of the night.”
    “Where would the money go?” asked Faith.
    “I think it should go to Harmony, I did treat her very badly.”
    “WHAT?, why give her the money?” asked Faith.
    “That’s twenty dollars, give the money to a children’s hospital,” said the Preacher, grinning at Faith. He called Joan of Arc over to them,
    “Did you hear, I just asked Faith to be my girlfriend for the next two weeks and she said yes!”
    “Faith!, what, why?, why did you say that!” called out Joan of Arc.
    “Excuse me, a slight problem here, when spelling Willow,
    is it spelt s, u, c, k, e, r,?” asked The Preacher.
    The Preacher happily stepped forward and planted a big kiss on Joan of Arc’s lips,
    “I wish I had a camera, a photo of you kissing him, I’d get a fortune on e-bay,” said Faith.
    “I didn’t kiss him, he kissed me!,” protested Joan of Arc.
    “That another one for me, isn’t it?” Faith asked the Preacher.
    “Seemed like a fair one, to me,” replied the Preacher.
    They both smiled and left Willow standing by herself,
    “There’s never a vengeance demon around when you need one,” said Joan.

    The Preacher happy at who he was wandered through the crowd, deciding who to get next, he was looking around not watching where he was going. He saw a blur of blue in front of him but by the time he was about to say sorry my child it was to late. He moved closer to the door then as he was about to hit....bless some-one he noticed his bible had gone. Standing on the top step he looked about the room, seeing the Blue Lady sat by herself he thought of the blue blur.
    “That is my bible, what are you doing with it?” asked The Preacher.
    “”It is still wrong, to many ambiguities,” replied The Blue Lady.
    “And if they were amsmalluities?” asked the Preacher.
    “Yes, small is better than big,” said River, “Oh this bit doesn’t make sense.” And she ripped out two of the pages.
    “Hey stop that you’ll ruin it.”
    The Preacher thought about what he had just said. “Pinch me.” thinking he was in some-ones dream.
    The Blue Lady pinched him.
    “What do you think you are doing little one? do it properly,” said The Wizard and promptly landed a hay maker on the Preacher’s face.
    “Sorry sir,” said the Blue Lady presenting the Preacher with a hay maker.
    “That’s better,” said the Wizard walking off.
    “Huh?” asked the Preacher, “Did some-one just say something?”

    The Preacher moved to stand by a phone, he watched as The Kings Scribe got closer to the phone in front of him. He rang the phone and the Kings Scribe picked it up.
    Then a heavily disguised voice.
    “I want fourcandles, please.”
    “I’m sorry, I am in a hotel lobby, this is a public telephone, and I don’t think they sell fork handles here.”
    “Thank you, but I still want four candles.”
    “Oh, sorry!, four candles!, you want four candles sir that’s er, oh what colour would you prefer. Hang on a minute”
    “Thanks for calling me sir,” he said in his normal voice.
    As the Kings Scribe looked to him.
    “You’ve come as a priest?, your a priest, ha!”
    Quick as a flash the Preacher responded, “Problem!”
    He put on his best game face, deliberately and knowingly looked at the Scribes’ neck, hissing and growling. Startled the Kings Scribe stepped back from the Preacher who adopted his usual face and chuckled, interlocking his fingers he smiled a smile that would melt your heart, turned around and walked away.

    “The Preacher went and stood at the door way and began to bless the people and creatures that moved from the museum, until the Devil attempted to leave, “And you, you can bugger-off,” said the Preacher, but he was smiling!
    “It’s going to be like that tonight,” said the Scribe.
    “And no-one’s had a drink yet!” remarked God.
    The queue to get through the doorway was getting longer,
    “HEY, get your hands of my bone,” said the Wizards Apprentice.
    Faith stared at The angel, “you felt his bone!”
    “I didn’t do it on purpose,” said The Angel.
    “Are you married,” said the Preacher, to The Angel.
    “Of course not,” said The angel.
    “Your an unmarried woman?, oh my!, then you should be ashamed of yourself,” said the Preacher.
    The Wizards Apprentice pulled out the thigh bone from under his cape.
    “Poor bone, did that nasty Angel touch you,” he said, gently caressing it.
    “Excuse me, Mr. Wizard’s Apprentice, I am sorry that the white Angel with the red face touched your bone, now if Joan of Arc could be accused of doing the same!” said Faith.
    “We can but try,” said the Wizards Apprentice, grinning, he casually moved towards Joan of Arc,
    “What is that trying to stick out from under your cape,” asked Joan of Arc.
    The Wizards Apprentice showed Joan of Arc his thigh bone and almost dropped it, Joan of Arc quickly made a grab for his bone, about the same time as she realised what she was doing.
    “Joan! How could you!” exclaimed Faith.
    “Some-one once told me that Joan was a lesbian,” remarked God.
    “Buggered up that theory then,” said the Preacher.
    “Joan, hmm, I like the name Joan,” said Faith.
    The Preacher and Joan of Arc looked at Faith, The angel cleared her throat.
    “I hope that was The Angel clearing it’s throat,” said Faith, pointedly.
    Faith suddenly noticed how low The angel’s neck line was at the front,
    “What ! Where did you get those from,” said Faith.
    The Angel covered them with her hands.
    “That’s right deary, you hold them,” said Buffy
    The Angel poked her tongue at Faith and said,
    “Have you died recently.”
    “Excuse me, I don’t want to interrupt you lot to much, but I think that we should be going,” said The Kings Scribe.
    “Good idea to keep them apart, that should stop them making funny comments all the time, however? the other way to look at it is that you will be putting them into lots of smaller groups and making the problem worse,” remarked God.

    “Oh no, what have I done! Oh well if you can’t beat them,” said The Scribe.
    “Hey every-one! listen up! The Kings Scribe is going to say something funny,” then facing The Kings Scribe, God said quietly, “Nothing like being dropped in it is there?”
    The Scribe looked at God, and if looks could kill.
    “Right then, I want you all to have a good time, so please be mindful of the other persons perspective, do not drink to much and drive safely there and back. I would like to thank God for getting everyone’s attention, God thank you for doing as I asked and making sure that they would listen to me.”
    When walking away he closely passed a stunned God,
    “I wonder what they think of you right now?” asked The Kings Scribe, smiling.

    Joan of Arc had organised to take the ‘coloured’ ladies to meet up with the carriage, so that they could make a grand entrance.
    The foyer of the hotel was suddenly transformed as the wonderful costume clad people began to appear through the main doors, twenty people from the two vans of AI were entering.
    The din was slowly becoming quieter and quieter, then the Gold Digger arrived.
    “Who let the hooker in,” came a voice from the back.
    “There goes your speech, Scribe,” said God.
    The horse drawn carriage drew up to the front of the hotel, its gold plated ornaments glistening in the light. Five very beautifully dressed ladies floated into the foyer.
    “Ladies and gentlemen may I introduce to you, oh sod it, where is the booze and the grub,” said the Kings Scribe
    A rapturous applause and cheer followed, and they all moved into the Medieval Banquet hall.

    As the ’nice’ people were sitting down the jugs of ale and shandy began to be dispersed. A compere for the night drew every-ones attention, he announced that the first entertainment for the night was a Rich Man who would be reciting his latest poem.
    “I give you,” and he held out his arm to the artist
    “This is the first reading of this poem,” said the Rich Man
    This poem bears the name, ’The Last And Final Shot’

    “For the last and final shot you will not know
    and you will care not, which hand, you will show.”
    “That last shot will be coming with the question why,
    when you see it you will not know, but, you may sigh.”
    “When you are all but ready, for the last and final burst,
    be it when your feeling teary, or you are battling the First.”
    “Just crossing the street, deciding where to sit down
    and have something to eat, not smiling, but wearing a frown.”
    “Will it be today or tomorrow? no you say, it can not,
    then you force a glance, for that last, and final shot.”

    “Show your appreciation for the Rich Man, that was well done. Now ladies and gentlemen and you others, we have for your enjoyment a gossip columnist and the wizards apprentice, they will present what is a lovely tale.”

    The Gossip Columnist stepped up to the microphone, breathed in.
    “One bright and lovely day while I was out walking, I saw two Birds of Paradise, they looked so lovely, I stood and stared at them, I wondered what I could do next, then I remembered, and so,” he stepped back from the microphone and motioned his partner. The Wizards Apprentice stepped up to the front, turned to his accomplice and clapped a couple of times, he raised both his arms to the roof and cried out loud.
    “AND SO,” he hung his head then moved back to his place and sat down.

    The Columnist stepped forward, acknowledged his friend then continued his tale.
    “I wondered along the walk trail, I noticed the beautiful flowers at the trails edge, I walked and walked for a couple of hours until I reached the end,” he held out both arms to his audience blew them a couple of kisses and withdrew to his original position. Once again the Wizards Apprentice moved forward, looked apologetically to the audience, gazed at his book, looked up and said.
    “THE END.”

    “At the end,” shouted the Columnist from his seat, then he looked at his cohort, shook his head and went to the microphone.
    “I saw a gate that led to an open field,” he smiled at the audience who cheered him.
    “The field,” he continued, “Was covered with thousands of wild flowers, the sight of all these colours was awe inspiring, I thought that truly heaven is here,” the Columnist bowed to the audience who cheered, he then turned to the Wizards Apprentice and pointedly held out his hand and slapped it, then he walked to his seat and sat down.
    The Wizards Apprentice moved forward and quietly said into the microphone.
    “IS HERE.”

    Once again the gossip Columnist rose to the occasion,
    “I seemed to float over the field, eventually I reached an old turn stile, once through I casually moved along a path to a canal, it was so appealing but I noticed, it’s time, to say,” he bowed and went to his seat again. The Wizards Apprentice strode to the front held an arm to the stars, breathed in deeply and said.
    “IT’S TIME, TO SAY,” he waited for his applause, but nothing happened.

    “It was so clear,” said the Columnist, “The water was so clear that I could see the fish, they behaved as dolphins, all seeing and yet seemingly happy to follow me. But alas, I had to leave them. They seemed so human that I said good bye.”
    The Wizards Apprentice was surprised that the gossip had finished and he appeared to find his next words, when his face lit up it became apparent that he had found his place and he moved to the front and said,
    “GOOD BYE,” he bowed and listened to the silence, sadly he made his way back to his seat.

    The Gossip Columnist smugly moved to the microphone, “As I was walking away, I came across another who was admiring the beauty that nature had created, I said to the person that she should go over to the canal that was, far over there.”
    “Over where?” asked the person.
    Again I said, “Over there to the far canal.”
    The Wizards Apprentice joined the Gossip Columnist at the microphone, he looked at his friend, “F? F? OH DEAR,” he said. They both bowed.

    Joan of Arc looked at the Green Lady and shrugged her shoulders, the Green Lady smiled at Joan and said in a voice that was just a bit too loud.
    “Say ‘far’ ‘canal’ as if it were one word.”
    Joan quickly covered her mouth with her hand and breathed in at about the same time as every-one else burst out laughing and began rapturously applauding.

    The Wizards Apprentice held the microphone again and said.
    “AND SO.., THE END IS HERE.., IT’S TIME TO SAY.. GOOD BYE, OH DEAR..”
    Having said that the Wizards apprentice and the Kings Gossip Columnist bowed, then they left the stage.
    The compere thanked them and said that while the next act was getting prepared they would take a break and that he would be back later.

    The Preacher turned towards the Puritan,
    “Whilst the language at the end could be described as pertaining to be unpleasant it was a very clever thing that they did, so if I had some money then I would surely offer it to them.”
    “Huh, what ? Oh yeah, it was good,” said the Puritan.
    “Well that was fun,” said the Preacher.
    “That Puritan bloke seems happy about it,” said the Wizard.
    “If you want to take that smile off his face, I can tell you how,” said the Preacher.
    “Go on then,” said the Wizard.
    “It’ll be easy really,” said the Preacher, “just be sure not to get drawn in to the heated discussion.”
    “Yeah, okay, understood,” said the Wizard.
    “It’s all about who would win a fight between a caveman and an astronaught, the chances are they would never meet, so the argument is purely theoretical and as such, the only way to win is to kill those that disagree with you, of course the other thing is astronaughts tend to be middle aged, not fighting fit, where-as cavemen tend to be seriously fit or severely wounded, so any fight is going to unfair.
    When people that are in the argument think of a person, they seem to imagine a twenty five year old that’s fully fit, being that is the case a difference of belief occurs,” declared the Preacher.
    “Oh, right, gotcha, sit back and enjoy,” said the Wizard
    “Hang on a mo‘, I’ve done this before and I know who will take a second bite,” said the Preacher.
    “Ha-haay!, HEY Puritan this Wizard agrees with me, she says the caveman would thrash an astronought, easily.”
    “She’s demented then, it’s obvious that the astronaught would win.”
    “Hey Joan, you tell this idiot that the caveman would win,” said the Wizard.
    With-in the minute several more had joined the heated discussion, with a few others on the cusp, the arguments followed
    “Look at them,” said the Columnist, this is meant to be a happy occasion, they are arguing with each other.”
    “Not every-one, look at the Wizard and the Preacher. They both look a bit smug, and guess what, they started all this off,” said the Wizards Apprentice.
    The columnist raised his beer to the Preacher and smiled, the Preacher smiled back.
    “Give this a bit to die down then I’ll get that Joan with my bone, listen this is what I’ll do,” said the Apprentice
    He walked about the table and talked to a few folk, then returned to his seat.

    Wesley tried to calm the arguing down.

    “HEY! Give it back,” shouted the Wizards Apprentice
    “I threw it to the Wizard,” replied the Columnist, “I don’t have it”
    “Oi, Wizard you give it back,” called the Apprentice.
    “Come and get it then!” said the Wizard, “hey Joan catch this,”
    Joan of Arc rose to catch the item, when suddenly the bone was in her hands.
    The Mack truck and two sledge-hammers hitting her brought about the realisation that she had been set up.
    “That’s my bone! give it to me!” shouted the Apprentice.
    “She’s done it again,” said The Angel, “that’s terrible.”
    Joan sat down and ...a voice in her ear said it all,
    “Who’s a naughty girlie,” it was the Wizards Apprentice.
    “Hey Joan, leave his bone alone,” shouted Faith.
    “Maybe somebody else should be called the Big Bad,” said the Preacher.
    “Button, Button, whose got the Button?, my monies on Red,” said God, “Reds a naughty girlie.”
    Joan closed her eyes and hung her head.
    “Excuse me could you please show me the bone,” said the kings Scribe.
    “Oh that’s strange, nothing,” he said to the Wizards Apprentice, then turning to face Joan he said, “Guess it must be a hands on thing.”
    This brought the house down, strangely enough Joan of Arc didn’t appreciate it.
    Zeus sat down, he was excited at was about to happen even though he had no knowledge of what, or if any entertainment had been organised, the Serving Wench poured him a large jug full of frothy beer,
    “Do you know how we get the beer all frothy?” she asked.
    “Go on then, tell me,” replied Zeus.
    “We’ve got a big tub out the back, and the chef’s have put three chickens with clipped wings and four pigs with their food just out of reach in the tub, if you want to get a reaction from some-one, then wait until near the end of the night.”
    “Why wait until later on?”
    “It’ll have a bigger response when they’ve had a few beers, all you’d have to say is how the beer gets frothy and casually mention that you hope the pigs didn’t have any the runs.”
    The Serving Wench then went around the table and handed the Preacher a certain bone from a chicken which he promptly held up.
    “Hey Joan want to play with my bone?, hope you get happy again ’cos we’ve got to do the doggy thing soon.”

    “Okay people, settle down please,” said the compere, “We now have some people who will show you their skills at dancing.”
    Faith, Buffy, the Kings Scribe, God, Zeus, Joan of Arc, the Puritan and the Preacher made their way on to the stage and stood in a line.
    Shrieks of laughter filled the room as those on stage performed the Snoopy dance. When they had finished the dance the ‘audience’ erupted and encores were called for, the Preacher made a comment which
    every-one on stage agreed with, he said,
    “SOD OFF !”

    The compere moved to the microphone,” Such grace and tranquillity I have never seen before, thankfully, we now have a musical intermission.
    The Puritan smiled, he was happy that all his friends were happy.
    Lorne went and sat next to the Puritan and they talked and talked about their friends, on stage the instruments were being changed and unnoticed a few different people moved on to the stage, when they began playing they were instantly recognised as, ‘Dingos Ate My Baby’.

    THE END
    Last edited by Illyrian; 31-03-09, 03:53 PM. Reason: Site did not accept some names.
    Angel liked to sing 'Oh Mandy', using the Angelus method.

    Look at it, play with it, then torture it.
Working...
X