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Title: Missing Episode
Setting: Between S6 and S7
Disclaimer: Belong to Joss and co.
Rating: R for the mention of the attempted rape.
Thanks to lusciousspike, Looli and Marie for the great beta.
~*~*~*~*~
Willow sighed, looking down at her book. She could still hear their whispers plowing exasperatingly deep into her senses. She guessed it was Angie again, telling the new student about how horrible the Rosenberg girl was. It was like high school all over again with everybody thinking of her as a freak, with only two or three students considering talking to her. Angie was the Cordelia of the coven. That was for sure.
"Willow!"
She looked up with a small smile. "Hi, Althenea."
The British young woman grinned at her, dropping her heavy-looking books on the desk. She excitedly sat next to her, grabbing one of Willow's arms. "I've talked to Miss Hartness. She loved it. All my ideas about the Pleiadian spirit con? Willow, are you alright? You look fretful." Althenea looked worriedly at her and Willow sighed again. "You've been into murk territory again, haven't you?"
Willow tried to deny it but Althenea's disappointed headshake made her look down at her book.
"Willow, it has been two months."
"I know?"
"You should try to focus on the present. The past is dead."
"Right. I should go back to being all happy peppy Willow and forget how I killed two men without a flinch," Willow retorted. The gasps she heard irritated her, so she looked at the other girls in the room and yelled, "Yeah, you heard me, I'm a killer. Stop with the 'Is that her?' whispering already!"
The girls' eyes widened more as they withdrew from her. Althenea quickly placed a comforting hand on Willow's shoulder. "Willow?"
Willow jerked her hand away, glaring at her. "What?"
Althenea backed away with wide eyes. "Y-your eyes," she tripped over her tongue.
It took Willow two seconds to understand. She closed her eyes as her head hung tiredly. "Shit," she whispered.
"It? it's gonna be alright," Althenea said.
Willow looked back at her, biting her lip at the fear shining from Althenea's eyes. "I gotta go." She headed towards the door quickly, slamming onto Miss Hartness' chest.
"Willow," Miss Hartness exclaimed. "You're leaving? The lesson will start this instant."
"I?I need to go," Willow muttered, running outside. She dashed into the bathroom and locked herself in one of the stalls. She sat on the toilet seat, breathing hard, feeling the tears sliding down her cheeks.
It had been two months since she had left Sunnydale. Giles had signed her into this coven for Wiccans so she could learn about magic from the beginning. It seemed the aim was for her to learn how to control the magic inside her better, but Willow didn't want to control it. She wanted it out of her. She had asked Giles to get it out, but he insisted there was no way for that to happen. She had asked to be killed then, but Giles wouldn't have that.
So here she was. In this Hogwarts school of magic, learning everything from the beginning. It was terribly boring because she already knew this stuff. It was also frustrating because no one in the class seemed to like her. Only a few students talked to her. Some of them would just remind her of what she had done, while the others were trying to be supportive.
Sometimes it was hard to keep calm and still. The magic inside her had always controlled her. Only? only Tara knew how to keep her calm.
Willow hiccupped. Why was she still alive? Why was she still trying to redeem herself? She wanted death. There was nothing to look forward to anymore. There was no Tara to come back to. Willow didn't have the drive anymore. She just wanted death.
"What about your friends?" Giles' voice drifted into her ears.
Her friends. Would they accept her again? Back in Sunnydale, in the few days she had spent after her dark phase, Xander, and to some extent Buffy, were the only ones who talked to her. She wondered if they missed her or even thought about her.
*****
Buffy enthusiastically checked her beach bag for the twentieth time. Sunscreen, check. Sunglasses, check. Sun hat, check. A Blanket, check. Towels, check. Extra towels, check. Chairs? well, Xander was going to bring those. Better check.
She grinned at her cellphone. Something this little was very useful, especially to the slayer. How stupid were they not to think of buying one before. Thanks to Xander's new raise, Buffy was able to have her own mobile. She promised to pay him back, and she would, once she found a better job than working at the Doublemeat Palace.
She pressed number 2 for speed dial. Xander's name appeared on the small screen. It rang for a few seconds before Xander's bored voice sounded from the cellphone, "For the fourth time, yes, I got the chairs. And the beach umbrella and the food supplies."
"And your bikini?" she asked playfully.
"Since I've waxed, it'll be a shame if I forgot it. My skin is creamy like vanilla, bay-bee." She grimaced at the bad imitation of Austin Powers.
"Vanilla, huh?"
"I've always been called chocolate."
"Get out. When?"
"Hey, is it impossible that someone may actually call me that?" Xander's voice rose defensively.
Buffy pursed her lips. "If by someone you mean you, then no."
"Touch?."
She rolled her eyes. "C'mon, Xander, or they'll be out of empty spaces."
"Well, even though that never happened, except that one time? anyway, I'm about to turn right to your house. So see ya in about two minutes, max."
"Okay." She hang up her cellphone. Before she could check on her beach bag again, she heard the car brakes from outside. Looking at the window, she saw Xander getting out of his car. She walked toward the front door, yelling up the stairs, "Dawn! Hurry up, Xander is here!"
"Okay!" She heard Dawn's reply, and before she reached her hand for the door knob, Xander pushed the door open, almost slamming it into her face.
Buffy jerked back, startled. He looked at her with a worried face. "Did I get ya?"
"No." She shook her head. "Or else I'd be on the floor with a bump on my forehead. You don't open people's doors without knocking." She glared at him.
"Sorry, but that's your fault for keeping your door unlocked."
Buffy frowned. "It is weird that we never learned that lesson after all these years."
Xander smiled, looking at the huge beach bag in the dining room. "You gal pals are ready?"
"Dawn!" Buffy shouted at the top of her lungs.
"Coming!"
"Hey, before I forget," Xander said, stuffing his hand in his pocket and bringing out a yellow plastic lip balm tube with a gold cap, "I bought you that Burt's Bees Beeswax Lip Balm you asked for on the way here."
Buffy clutched the lip balm happily. "Dawn!" she yelled with so much eagerness.
Xander chuckled. "A little too excited, aren't you?"
"You bet! I have spent all the money I have on this skin-tight one-piece swimsuit? which, I'm wearing under this coat." She sounded her sexiest, just because teasing Xander was fun.
"Dawn!" Xander roared at the stairs.
"Alright, alright, I'm here." Dawn came down with annoyance written all over her face. Buffy's eyes bugged out at the bathing suit her sister was wearing. Dawn stood at the top of the stairs, wearing a light blue halter-neck bikini top showing a lot of cleavage. She had a light blue fabric tied on the side of her hip, making it hard for Buffy to see whether Dawn was wearing a thong under it or not.
"What do you think?" Dawn asked with enthusiasm.
"Spock, I think I'm in love with Edith Keeler." Xander gaped at her with wide eyes. It seemed he had so much difficulty in closing his mouth, so it hung widely opened.
"Ew," Dawn cringed, wrapping her arms across her chest in an attempt to cover up.
Buffy looked up at Dawn with a glare. "Edith Keeler must die," she spat.
Xander and Dawn turned shocked gazes at her.
She ignored the stares and pointed a finger at Dawn accusingly. "Where did you get it?"
"It was Melinda's gift for my birthday," Dawn said defiantly. Her arms were crossed confidently now. She gave Buffy her 'I dare you to say something' stare.
"Well, now we're establishing that you're never gonna see Melinda again."
"That doesn't mean she's gonna kill her," Xander reassured, before he looked uncertainly at Buffy. "Does it?"
She threw him a glare and then looked back at Dawn, who was looking shocked at her. "You can't stop me from seeing my friends. Whatever happened to that stuff you said about treating me like a grown up?"
"I'm not? it's just? this swimsuit?" Buffy looked helplessly at her sister's cleavage. She elbowed Xander next to her, whispering, "Say something."
"Uh?" Xander gulped, going up the stairs. When he reached Dawn's level, he looked nervously at her bored features. "Look, Dawnie, this?" He waved his arms franticly, trying his hardest not to look down. "?swimsuit is kinda revealing. Don't you think it's better if you wore something that covered you up a little?"
"Xander," she said in her sweet Dawn voice, "do you see me as a child?"
"God no." He shook his head a little too hard.
"Then don't you think as a woman I should make my own choices?"
"Uh? yes?"
"Well, I choose to wear this today. Can you respect my decision?"
Looking at her serious eyes, Xander was struck by how much her features had developed through the last few months. She looked very womanly at the moment. He blurted out, "Of course."
Dawn's serious face gradually became cheerful. "Yes!" she squealed, giving Xander a kiss on the cheek before running upstairs to get her stuff.
He smiled goofily and went down the stairs to meet one fuming Buffy, with her arms on her hips, her foot tapping the floor, and an unimpressed look fixed on her face.
Xander walked past her, his goofy grin not wavering. "I don't care. I'm the fun parent."
Buffy rolled her eyes.
~*~*~*~
~*~*~*~
Buffy inhaled the fresh air mixed with the smell of the sea. She and Xander were sitting on their beach blankets, waiting for Dawn to get them some ice cream. She smirked at Dawn's irritated huff while standing behind a very long line. She turned her head to Xander, who was drinking his juice and reading a comic. "So how's the construction going?" she asked.
He looked back at her, placing the plastic glass on the blanket. "Well, the basement and the first floor are practically done, except the first floor's doors need to be painted, as do some of the walls. And the bathrooms. We're still working on the second floor."
"I can't believe you're rebuilding the old high school. Haven't you learned anything from the old hellmouth-y one?" she hissed with a good-humored fierce look. She didn't really like the idea of Dawn studying there, but Buffy would not be able to afford sending Dawn to a private school. She wasn't even sure if she was allowed to change districts.
"Hey, if the mayor wanted a new high school, there's nothing I can do about it."
"Maybe this mayor is evil too."
"I doubt it. His armpits smelled." Xander shuddered, remembering the day the mayor made a visit to the construction place.
Buffy smiled, looking at the teenage girls who walked before her. "You know, putting apocalypses and monsters aside, high school was fun."
"The lack of responsibility was fun." At Buffy's frown, he stuttered, "Uh? adult life type of responsibility."
"We used to go to the Bronze all the time," Buffy said, smiling fondly. Her smile started to fade slowly.
They looked at the kids playing with beach balls when a heavy silence creped over them. Buffy felt her chest tighten while she looked at the teens playing and laughing. Carefree and happy. Just like they used to when they were still their age.
"Have you talked to Willow?" she asked, running her hand through the sand.
"After her trip to vain-y land?"
"After Giles took her to England," she amended inaudibly.
"I've called a few times."
"How many?"
"Uh? from the first night's call to the other call on the very second night since she had left: two," he said as he bowed his head in shame.
"Oh."
He looked at her. "What about you? What's your magic number?"
Buffy looked at him for a second before she looked down, discomforted.
"So you're a virgin," he confirmed.
She gave him a look.
"You know, in the whole Willow phonecalling scheme, I'm pretty much cooler than you," he explained awkwardly.
"I guess," Buffy admitted seriously before looking down. "Right now I'm not sure if I'm qualified to call myself someone's friend."
"Hey," Xander said in a soothing voice. "C'mon now, things with Willow are pretty rough. It's understandable not to be in contact with her all summer. We?"
"Guys," Dawn called, coming over, carrying two cones of ice cream. Each cone was held in one hand. She handed them to Xander and Buffy.
"Where's yours?" Buffy asked.
"Well, I'm on a diet."
"'Cause you're a stick?" Buffy asked with a raised eyebrow. Xander smiled at her.
"I'll have you know that that giant, yet delicious chocolate cake you guys got for my birthday made me gain half a pound." She pouted.
"And since I ate half of that cake, I'm guessing I've gained lots of non-regrettable half pounds," Xander commented with a headshake.
Buffy took a few licks of her ice cream. "How about some exercising? You're kinda lumpy on the tummy."
"I am?" Dawn exclaimed in horror, looking down at her flat stomach.
"You look fine," Xander assured in a placating tone, only to wince when Buffy slapped his shoulder.
"Ow," he yelled, patting the stinging area.
"You don't hit on my sister."
"Ew." Dawn shuddered.
"Hey, that's not an expression you see from a girl with the big crush on the me."
Dawn rolled her eyes. "Is there ever gonna be a chance you'll forget about that?"
"No," he replied sullenly.
Dawn gave another eye roll before her eyebrows furrowed as she listened to a remix of Destiny Child's song 'Nasty Girl.' "Ooooh," she squealed, clapping her hands. "I love this song." She started dancing and swaying to the music, gyrating her hips and running her hands through her hair. Xander looked at her with a tight smile, trying as hard as he could not to look below Dawn's neck. However, Buffy was more interested in her ice cream.
A teenage boy passed by, but stopped when he spotted Dawn's dancing. He tilted his head, staring at Dawn's lower back.
"Hey!" Xander shouted at him when he noticed the stares. "Nothing to see here. Now beat it, buddy!"
The boy stumbled away before Xander finished talking. Dawn regarded the fleeing teen, slack-jawed. She turned angry eyes at Xander. "Why did you do that? He was cute!"
"Don't you want a guy who appreciates you for your intelligence?" Xander asked innocently.
"Screw intelligence! That guy thought I was hot!"
"Watch that mouth," Xander chastised.
Dawn's eyes were about to pop out of her head from irritation. She looked back at Xander with teenage rage. "It was enough to have Buffy as the annoying parent, now you joined the strict squad?"
Buffy tossed her cone away and looked at Xander's melting ice cream. "Are you sure you want yours?"
******
Buffy walked around the cemeteries, bored. She was tossing her stake in the air and then catching it easily. "Nice day at the beach followed by boring night at the cemetery," she mumbled, looking around. "And worst of all, no vamps to slay."
She sighed, walking around. How long had she been doing this? Walking at night, looking for the undead, getting in with the slaying, coming back home before sunrise, trying to catch up on some sleeping, waking up in the morning very tired because of the lack of sleep. When was she going to get a break?
She shook her head. She wasn't going down this road again. It had been rough coming back, doing the same thing over and over. Nevertheless, she had moped about this for a whole year and now it was time to get over that drama and just accept.
She snorted. "Like that'll be easy."
Something behind her moved. She quickly swerved around, taking position, anticipating any attack. Nothing happened. No one was there. She just realized that she entered the forest near the cemetery with all these tress surrounding her. She looked around carefully, trying to pick up any sound. Then she felt it.
Her heart started beating faster. She looked around, tense. He was here. He was definitely here. There was no sound or movement, but she knew he was here.
"Spike?" she whispered.
He was very near, but she still couldn't hear any movement or see anything stir. She didn't see Spike.
She let out a shuddered breath, walking carefully around. Maybe it was just her imagination, but the feeling was so strong. She could feel a vampire, and said vampire was Spike for sure. Was it just her going crazy? Suddenly, someone grabbed her and spun her around. Her eyes were wide with fear, especially since no one was in sight. But he was here. She could feel him.
"Spike, I know you're here!" she called, looking around.
Her heart raced when all she saw was darkness. The forest was nowhere to be seen, but she could feel Spike around still. She didn't hear, see, or smell a thing. But he was here. She was sure he was.
Suddenly she lost her balance and fell backward. Her hand reached out for something to grab for balance, but nothing was there. She fell down, hitting her back against something solid. She let out a cry of pain, feeling someone in front of her trying to grab her.
She looked up to meet a pair of angry yellow eyes before she fell to the ground. Someone got on top of her, holding her down. She tried to fight, feeling hands grabbing her face.
"No, stop, no!" she yelled, twisting to get out.
Her eyes searched into the darkness but nothing was there except for the eyes. She got onto her stomach and tried to pull herself away, but the weight was on top of her, holding her down, grabbing her arms as she continued yelling and protesting.
"Stop!"
She focused on the golden eyes, feeling tears of desperation and horror forming in her own. "Spike, stop, please," she whispered brokenly.
Her mind traveled back to her bathroom, the robe she was wearing, the tub, Spike's jeans, Spike's blue eyes. Blue eyes.
She focused on the golden eyes before her. They didn't belong to a vampire. They didn't belong to Spike. With little struggle, she freed one of her hands and shoved two of her fingers into the eyes.
Suddenly, the blackness faded and she met the dark sky. Buffy sat up looking at the howling demon. It was huge and slick, dirty blonde hairs from the head to the back, spreading to the arms?
Buffy couldn't observe more before another two demons showed up. She trembled in fear when the darkness started to spread. She got up clumsily, trying to run away. "No!" she yelled, running away from them. One of her legs was experiencing unbearable pain. She was too freaked out to identify which one. Her eyes were firmly closed, trying hard not to see the yellow eyes again. Suddenly, she slammed into someone and screamed, terrified.
"Buffy."
She screamed more, trying to get away.
"Buffy, it's me! Stop fighting!"
She opened her eyes and Xander was looking down at her with worry. She could barely breathe as she looked up with wide eyes. She could hear her heartbeats, she could feel them racing.
"Hey, it's alright, calm down," Xander spoke softly, hesitatingly trying to reach for her shoulders.
It was Xander. Only Xander. No gold eyes. No big demon. No Spike. Just Xander.
As she slowly moved forward to his open embrace, a horrid sound came from behind. She whirled around, her eyes widening when she caught the sight of the demons.
"Holy shit!" Xander exclaimed.
Buffy grabbed Xander's arm and started pulling him away with her. "Xander, c'mon," she yelled, running away, feeling relieved when Xander started running with her. She hissed at the pain in her leg, but didn't stop running.
Xander's car was outside the cemetery. They quickly and awkwardly got in, and a few seconds later Xander drove away. She didn't even bother to put on the seat belt. She looked back, watching as the car drove away from the gates of the cemetery. The demons didn't follow them.
She let out a shuddered sigh of relief, turning back to sit upright. Her ragged breaths started to slow down as did her heartbeats. Her back hurt from where she hit that? whatever it was. She couldn't get herself to sit upright, so she just placed her elbow on the car door, with her forehead resting on her palm, her fingers pressed against her scalp.
"What the hell were they?" she heard Xander shout the question. "They're really large?"
Buffy couldn't just stay still. She leaned back with both her hands on her lap. She started rocking back and forth, her eyes wide and she barely whispered a word. Xander stopped his nervous babble and she felt him look at her with concern.
"Buffy, what's wrong?"
She didn't answer, but kept twisting in her seat, staring ahead. Xander glanced over at her every few seconds. "Are you okay?" he asked.
She nodded, rocking harder. She desperately wanted to stop rocking, to stop worrying Xander. There was nothing to fear here. Everything was fine. But she still rocked, on the verge of exploding.
Her eyes focused on the road. The long, very clean, road. The yellow line on the road caught her attention the most because it seemed like it was racing or something. It was like they were moving faster and faster. Suddenly, the car wasn't going in a straight line. The view had changed because Xander was pulling the car over to the side of the road. The car stopped moving, but Buffy kept rocking.
She slightly shuddered when she felt a gentle hand touch her arm. A small whimper escaped her lips as she was pulled into an embrace. She was about to fight the hands that pulled her before she realized it was Xander. She let him hug her, even if it felt awkward inside the car. The position wasn't really comfortable, but she managed to feel comfortable enough to let her tears fall. She rested her head on his shoulder, feeling his hand run smoothly up and down her spine, in a comforting rhythm. She was safe.
********
Buffy dashed inside her house with Xander close behind. She limped toward the living room, speaking with false poise. "Okay, we gotta find them. Go up and get Dawn, you two are gonna hit the books. I'll go out there?"
"Buffy, Buff, you're losing it. C'mon, sit down?"
"No," she yelled, reaching for the weapon chest. "There's? no time to sit down? I-I have to go out. Look for them. I-"
Xander grabbed her shoulders. "You are gonna sit down." He pulled her out of the room as she reluctantly struggled. Her injured leg hurt her a little, so she let him guide her to the kitchen. He pulled out a chair and pushed her gently to sit. She was about to talk, but he pointed a stern finger at her with a glare that made her close her mouth.
"Now," he began, "I'm gonna get you a fresh glass of water." He walked to the fridge, getting a bottle of cold water and pouring some into a glass. He walked back to where Buffy sat, handing her the glass. She took it quietly and started taking a few sips.
Xander brought out a chair for himself and sat in front of her. "Now tell me exactly what happened."
Buffy placed the glass on the table before she looked at him, unsure.
"C'mon, Buffy, if we wanna get them, I gotta know what we're fighting," he pleaded softly.
Buffy closed her eyes for a brief moment. "Okay." She looked at him. "I was at the cemetery and before I knew it I was in the woods."
Xander nodded.
"I heard something there and then I felt?" She wasn't sure if she needed to tell Xander about the Spike part. She wasn't sure how Xander would react to it. She bit her lower lip, looking straight at Xander's hands. His fingers were closed on each other, very calm. That reassured her a little, but she knew that when it came to Spike, Xander would just lose his comforting tranquility.
"You felt what?" Xander asked in a quiet voice, urging her to speak.
Her eyes focused on his calm hands, deciding to give Xander a chance. Deciding to open a new page to a world where she didn't keep secrets from her friends. "I felt him around," she said, her eyes moving to her unsteady hands.
"Who?" Xander asked, confused.
She looked at him with a sad expression. It didn't take him long to guess. His calm features dissolved into the scowl he normally wore when it came to Spike.
"Oh." He looked down for a bit. "You think he came back?"
"I don't think so," she said confidently. "I think those demons were doing something." Xander didn't look convinced but she went on, "They had control over my senses somehow. They? they made me relive one of Spike's? not-so-great moments."
"When he tried to rape you," Xander spoke knowingly.
She flinched.
"I-I'm sorry," Xander whispered, looking down, upset.
She tried to smile, but failed. "It's okay." She looked at Xander's hands, which had had lost their reassuring calmness. "I think these demons did something to me. Made me think and? feel stuff that hurt me. They made me feel Spike hurting me. They made it so real."
"Are you sure it was the demons' doing?" Xander asked skeptically. Buffy knew what he was hinting at.
"Yeah, I'm sure."
"But you said you felt Spike around. Don't you think that maybe he came back?"
She shook her head. "I felt Spike but I didn't see him. I felt his hands? but I didn't see him or hear him. It's like a real d?j? vu. The eyes looking at me were yellow."
"Spike's eyes can go yellow."
"But they didn't at that time," she whispered. "He didn't change into his? vamp-face or whatever you'd like to call it."
"Doesn't that make it worse?"
Buffy closed her eyes, annoyed. Yep, it was a bad idea. "Xander, I'm not discussing what happened with Spike now. I just want to get rid of the demons."
"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. It's just? the thing between you and Spike?" Buffy let out an irritated sigh. "? it's not my business." He bit his lip, looking down, hurt. Buffy's stare softened and she reached for his hand, holding it tight.
He looked up with a bitter smile. "Buffy, I just wanna help."
"I know," she whispered. "You are."
Xander chuckled, looking away, not believing her.
"You are," she stressed. "Of all the people I know, you're the only one who stuck around, Xander." Xander looked up, his eyes meeting hers. How many disappointments had she gone through, especially with the men in her life? Xander was the only man in her life who hadn't left. The only one who stuck by her side. "Thank you? for staying," she said, feeling the need to let him know how much she appreciated him for that.
He smiled, holding her hand in his. They looked at each other for awhile, before Buffy broke the stare. "Alright. We need to work on this now." She stood up and hissed at the pain in her leg.
"How about some sleeping instead?" Xander asked.
"What?" She looked at him in disbelief.
"Buffy, you look deadbeat. You can barely walk. I think you need some rest, especially with what you went through tonight. I'm sure tomorrow we'll all be refreshed and ready for research?"
"But?"
"No," he said, standing up. "Moi has spoken. It's time for nice little slayers to listen."
"Xander, someone's life could be in danger right now."
"And a dead slayer is no good to them," he emphasized, holding her gaze with a strong one. At her sigh, he held her shoulders, walking her toward the stairs. "C'mon, we have to take care of your leg. As I remember, the med kit is still in your room."
"Mom's," Buffy corrected softly.
"Because important things are kept in mommy's room?"
"No? uh, I started sleeping there? recently." She could feel Xander's confusion, but she cherished that he didn't ask why. She, herself, didn't know why. With everything that happened last year, her room was just filled with depressing memories. The warmth of her mother's room soothed her. She needed the warmth because there wasn't any last year. It was all cold, brutal and? empty.
She hissed again when she pressed on her leg, feeling Xander tense beside her. He let her lean heavily on his body, trying gently to get to her mother's room faster. She smiled at his attempts, thankful that she still had him in her life. After everything that went on between them last year, it was nice that their friendship had become stronger.
*****
Xander slowly patched Buffy's leg so that he wouldn't hurt her more than she already was. Then he put everything back into the med kit, while Buffy lay down on her mom's bed. He put the med kit back in the closet and turned to watch her trying to get comfortable.
"I still think I should go out," she mumbled.
"Sure, go out, find gorilla demons, get killed while you're at it. That'll save the world," Xander said tiredly, knowing that he sounded a little harsh.
Buffy pressed her lips together in a pout. "Hey, where's my Xander support?"
"It'll drop by tomorrow, when you're more relaxed and ready to kick some sloppy demon ass."
She nodded sleepily, pressing her head to the pillow more. Xander smiled and started walking towards the door, before he stopped. He turned around and looked at her. Her eyes were open and looking straight ahead until she noticed him looking at her. She looked at him, puzzled.
"What?"
He rubbed the back of his neck. "I? I'm thinking maybe I should stay."
Buffy frowned. "You mean sleep over?"
"No? I meant here. With you. Until you fall asleep, that is." He bit his lower lip, looking down nervously.
"Oh." He looked up, caught by the look on Buffy's face. He couldn't really define it. "Thank you? for the thought, Xander, but I think I'll be fine by myself."
Xander shifted uncomfortably. "Yeah, okay." He was about to turn away, when she spoke, "Unless?"
He turned around, looking at her. She pulled the blanket closer to her chest. "Unless you want to," she whispered.
He didn't say a thing. He just dragged a chair next to her bed and sat in front of her. She gave him a small smile and closed her eyes.
Xander watched her as she drifted off. His hero. Small, scared and sad. Nothing like the hero he used to picture her as before. Super Buffy, who was ready to face whatever she came across. The one who was above it all. Perfect, strong, undefeatable. Right now as she slept, Xander could see the real Buffy. She wasn't always brave, she wasn't always right, she wasn't perfect. She was human. She was his human friend with handy superpowers. He smiled fondly, admiring her even more now.
He looked at the picture of him, Buffy and Willow beside the bed. His eyes lingered on the laughing face of Willow, feeling a painful grip in his chest. How was she doing now? He hoped Giles was taking good care of her.
*******
Willow stared motionless at the line between the wall and the ceiling, huddling under the blanket that covered her body from shoulder to toe. The dampness on the pillow under her temple and cheek aggravated her, but she had no energy to flip the pillow to the dry side. Should she be thinking about energy right now? Power. Force. Vigor. The reason she was here, anyway.
Here. Inside this exaggeratedly, elegant huge room. She had never noticed how stylish the room was, nor did she even give a second glance to Giles' house. The thoughts that had clouded her mind when she first came here were about when she would be executed.
That never came though.
Nothing she had expected had happened. She wasn't killed, nor was she punished. At least 'punished' in that old traditional kind of way, because being locked in Giles' house, learning how to drink tea and make it properly was definitely a punishment.
Great. Now she was joking? She shouldn't joke about this. Not after what she had done.
Jokes aside, she knew what her punishment was, though. It wasn't like she had expected, but nonetheless it was effective. She had felt it today. Her punishment.
It was their eyes.
The eyes of those women in the coven. The way they had looked at her. Fear was there, in their eyes, in their souls. People were afraid of her. All of them. The women from the coven. The council men. Sometimes Giles. They would always be afraid of her. No one would ever feel safe around her.
Even her friends, once she would see them again, though she didn't know when. But she knew it would happen sooner or later. At the moment, she certainly wasn't ready to face them. It had been two months. Two months since she had last seen them. Two months since she jumped into the dark side.
"Tara," she whispered brokenly, looking up with newly formed tears.
*******
Anya was closing the door to the magic shop when Xander found her. "Anya!" he called, getting out of his car.
She looked his way and grimaced when she caught the sight of him. "Oh, swell, what do you want?"
"Hey, Ahn," he whispered. It had been weeks since he last saw her. She was at the Bronze, listening to scorned women, trying to grant them vengeance against their ex-boyfriends. Xander had always wondered why he hadn't mentioned this to Buffy. Why he hadn't tried to stop her. After all, what she was doing was evil. Right?
"Listen, Harris," Anya started, and he winced when she called him by his last name. "It's midnight and I'm tired, so either say what you want or let me teleport in peace."
"Right. Uh? Buffy has been attacked by some kind of greeny greasy demons tonight and they hurt her real bad. There were only three of them. Description is blond hairs on the head and the side of their arms? uh, tall and big? really big, Olaffy sort of big, or maybe Bouncing Boy-like?"
Anya looked at him annoyed through the whole speech. She interrupted his babble, "Great, not only do you insensitively mentioned my ex boyfriend's name, but you actually got the nerve to show up after weeks of avoiding me to ask for research help. Well, take this, Xander Harris, I don't know and I don't care. You want to help Buffy, do it on your own. I don't have time for people who don't give a crap about me."
Xander bit his lower lip at her angry stare and nodded his head in shame. No matter how much it hurt to hear about him sucking when it came to her from her, he knew she was right. He dejectedly walked toward his car, mentally cursing his insolence. As he opened the driver's door, Anya's nervous voice drifted to his ear, "They're called Cluqux demons. They torture their victims by making all their senses relive their last horrible experience. Make it feel so real. They used to use it on the strong victims to make it easy for them to feed. But the last generation is so lazy; they started using that effect on every prey. "
"How do we kill them?" Xander asked.
"Anything sharp through the heart. I'm not sure about stakes, swords seem more effective."
Xander smiled at her. "Thank you, Anya."
She shrugged. "Yeah, whatever. That's the last time you and your stupid little friends ask for my help! I'm trying to get my reputation back. You only make me look bad in front of the lower beings."
Xander nodded quickly, very grateful, before getting into his car.
*****
Anya sadly watched Xander drive away, leaving her alone. She sighed, hugging herself while looking at the dark quiet street. After seconds of silence, she glared. What the hell? She wasn't feeling upset about Xander Harris and his little Scooby gang, was she? So what if he didn't invite her to solve whatever problem they were having? It wasn't like she wanted to be there with those stuck up humans who think they know better than anyone, giving her those annoying looks whenever she said something they thought wasn't appropriate.
Screw them. She didn't care. She had her vengeance, Halfrek as a friend, and the Magic Box? which Xander had chipped in to have fixed, but it was hers. She didn't need them. All she needed was vengeance.
"Anyanka?"
Anya whirled around fretfully to find Halfrek standing behind her. "Hallie?" she gasped relieved. "Don't sneak up on me like that."
"Were you just talking to Xander?" Halfrek asked with a head tilt.
"What? He? he just came by to ask me to get back together. I rejected him with a great deal of quiet vehemence. Like I'd get back with that jerk again." She let out a loud awkward laugh.
"Hmmm," Halfrek sounded irritatingly doubtful, with another head tilt to the other side.
"What?" she asked, annoyed.
"Oh, nothing," Halfrek answered sweetly. "So, what do you say we head to where Judith is? She just told me some old mother is about to wish justice on her ungrateful son. It'll be fun."
"Uh?" Anya stuttered. "I'll pass?"
Halfrek blinked. "Why?"
"Tonight they'll air My Best Friend's Wedding, and I just love that song at the restaurant."
"Isn't that a romantic movie?"
"What? Well, the song is pretty?" Anya started dancing awkwardly while singing, "Forever and ever, you stay in my heart and I?" she trailed off when Halfrek blinked some more at her. "It's a pretty song," she defended weakly.
Halfrek's lips thinned. "Whatever, Anya, do as you please. I, however, will not miss a chance to see that ungrateful son pay what he deserves. Ta ta." As fast as a blink, Halfrek disappeared after her usual dramatic motion with both arms.
Anya looked unhappily at the spot her friend used to be standing in, feeling a little confused.
******
Setting: Between S6 and S7
Disclaimer: Belong to Joss and co.
Rating: R for the mention of the attempted rape.
Thanks to lusciousspike, Looli and Marie for the great beta.
~*~*~*~*~
Willow sighed, looking down at her book. She could still hear their whispers plowing exasperatingly deep into her senses. She guessed it was Angie again, telling the new student about how horrible the Rosenberg girl was. It was like high school all over again with everybody thinking of her as a freak, with only two or three students considering talking to her. Angie was the Cordelia of the coven. That was for sure.
"Willow!"
She looked up with a small smile. "Hi, Althenea."
The British young woman grinned at her, dropping her heavy-looking books on the desk. She excitedly sat next to her, grabbing one of Willow's arms. "I've talked to Miss Hartness. She loved it. All my ideas about the Pleiadian spirit con? Willow, are you alright? You look fretful." Althenea looked worriedly at her and Willow sighed again. "You've been into murk territory again, haven't you?"
Willow tried to deny it but Althenea's disappointed headshake made her look down at her book.
"Willow, it has been two months."
"I know?"
"You should try to focus on the present. The past is dead."
"Right. I should go back to being all happy peppy Willow and forget how I killed two men without a flinch," Willow retorted. The gasps she heard irritated her, so she looked at the other girls in the room and yelled, "Yeah, you heard me, I'm a killer. Stop with the 'Is that her?' whispering already!"
The girls' eyes widened more as they withdrew from her. Althenea quickly placed a comforting hand on Willow's shoulder. "Willow?"
Willow jerked her hand away, glaring at her. "What?"
Althenea backed away with wide eyes. "Y-your eyes," she tripped over her tongue.
It took Willow two seconds to understand. She closed her eyes as her head hung tiredly. "Shit," she whispered.
"It? it's gonna be alright," Althenea said.
Willow looked back at her, biting her lip at the fear shining from Althenea's eyes. "I gotta go." She headed towards the door quickly, slamming onto Miss Hartness' chest.
"Willow," Miss Hartness exclaimed. "You're leaving? The lesson will start this instant."
"I?I need to go," Willow muttered, running outside. She dashed into the bathroom and locked herself in one of the stalls. She sat on the toilet seat, breathing hard, feeling the tears sliding down her cheeks.
It had been two months since she had left Sunnydale. Giles had signed her into this coven for Wiccans so she could learn about magic from the beginning. It seemed the aim was for her to learn how to control the magic inside her better, but Willow didn't want to control it. She wanted it out of her. She had asked Giles to get it out, but he insisted there was no way for that to happen. She had asked to be killed then, but Giles wouldn't have that.
So here she was. In this Hogwarts school of magic, learning everything from the beginning. It was terribly boring because she already knew this stuff. It was also frustrating because no one in the class seemed to like her. Only a few students talked to her. Some of them would just remind her of what she had done, while the others were trying to be supportive.
Sometimes it was hard to keep calm and still. The magic inside her had always controlled her. Only? only Tara knew how to keep her calm.
Willow hiccupped. Why was she still alive? Why was she still trying to redeem herself? She wanted death. There was nothing to look forward to anymore. There was no Tara to come back to. Willow didn't have the drive anymore. She just wanted death.
"What about your friends?" Giles' voice drifted into her ears.
Her friends. Would they accept her again? Back in Sunnydale, in the few days she had spent after her dark phase, Xander, and to some extent Buffy, were the only ones who talked to her. She wondered if they missed her or even thought about her.
*****
Buffy enthusiastically checked her beach bag for the twentieth time. Sunscreen, check. Sunglasses, check. Sun hat, check. A Blanket, check. Towels, check. Extra towels, check. Chairs? well, Xander was going to bring those. Better check.
She grinned at her cellphone. Something this little was very useful, especially to the slayer. How stupid were they not to think of buying one before. Thanks to Xander's new raise, Buffy was able to have her own mobile. She promised to pay him back, and she would, once she found a better job than working at the Doublemeat Palace.
She pressed number 2 for speed dial. Xander's name appeared on the small screen. It rang for a few seconds before Xander's bored voice sounded from the cellphone, "For the fourth time, yes, I got the chairs. And the beach umbrella and the food supplies."
"And your bikini?" she asked playfully.
"Since I've waxed, it'll be a shame if I forgot it. My skin is creamy like vanilla, bay-bee." She grimaced at the bad imitation of Austin Powers.
"Vanilla, huh?"
"I've always been called chocolate."
"Get out. When?"
"Hey, is it impossible that someone may actually call me that?" Xander's voice rose defensively.
Buffy pursed her lips. "If by someone you mean you, then no."
"Touch?."
She rolled her eyes. "C'mon, Xander, or they'll be out of empty spaces."
"Well, even though that never happened, except that one time? anyway, I'm about to turn right to your house. So see ya in about two minutes, max."
"Okay." She hang up her cellphone. Before she could check on her beach bag again, she heard the car brakes from outside. Looking at the window, she saw Xander getting out of his car. She walked toward the front door, yelling up the stairs, "Dawn! Hurry up, Xander is here!"
"Okay!" She heard Dawn's reply, and before she reached her hand for the door knob, Xander pushed the door open, almost slamming it into her face.
Buffy jerked back, startled. He looked at her with a worried face. "Did I get ya?"
"No." She shook her head. "Or else I'd be on the floor with a bump on my forehead. You don't open people's doors without knocking." She glared at him.
"Sorry, but that's your fault for keeping your door unlocked."
Buffy frowned. "It is weird that we never learned that lesson after all these years."
Xander smiled, looking at the huge beach bag in the dining room. "You gal pals are ready?"
"Dawn!" Buffy shouted at the top of her lungs.
"Coming!"
"Hey, before I forget," Xander said, stuffing his hand in his pocket and bringing out a yellow plastic lip balm tube with a gold cap, "I bought you that Burt's Bees Beeswax Lip Balm you asked for on the way here."
Buffy clutched the lip balm happily. "Dawn!" she yelled with so much eagerness.
Xander chuckled. "A little too excited, aren't you?"
"You bet! I have spent all the money I have on this skin-tight one-piece swimsuit? which, I'm wearing under this coat." She sounded her sexiest, just because teasing Xander was fun.
"Dawn!" Xander roared at the stairs.
"Alright, alright, I'm here." Dawn came down with annoyance written all over her face. Buffy's eyes bugged out at the bathing suit her sister was wearing. Dawn stood at the top of the stairs, wearing a light blue halter-neck bikini top showing a lot of cleavage. She had a light blue fabric tied on the side of her hip, making it hard for Buffy to see whether Dawn was wearing a thong under it or not.
"What do you think?" Dawn asked with enthusiasm.
"Spock, I think I'm in love with Edith Keeler." Xander gaped at her with wide eyes. It seemed he had so much difficulty in closing his mouth, so it hung widely opened.
"Ew," Dawn cringed, wrapping her arms across her chest in an attempt to cover up.
Buffy looked up at Dawn with a glare. "Edith Keeler must die," she spat.
Xander and Dawn turned shocked gazes at her.
She ignored the stares and pointed a finger at Dawn accusingly. "Where did you get it?"
"It was Melinda's gift for my birthday," Dawn said defiantly. Her arms were crossed confidently now. She gave Buffy her 'I dare you to say something' stare.
"Well, now we're establishing that you're never gonna see Melinda again."
"That doesn't mean she's gonna kill her," Xander reassured, before he looked uncertainly at Buffy. "Does it?"
She threw him a glare and then looked back at Dawn, who was looking shocked at her. "You can't stop me from seeing my friends. Whatever happened to that stuff you said about treating me like a grown up?"
"I'm not? it's just? this swimsuit?" Buffy looked helplessly at her sister's cleavage. She elbowed Xander next to her, whispering, "Say something."
"Uh?" Xander gulped, going up the stairs. When he reached Dawn's level, he looked nervously at her bored features. "Look, Dawnie, this?" He waved his arms franticly, trying his hardest not to look down. "?swimsuit is kinda revealing. Don't you think it's better if you wore something that covered you up a little?"
"Xander," she said in her sweet Dawn voice, "do you see me as a child?"
"God no." He shook his head a little too hard.
"Then don't you think as a woman I should make my own choices?"
"Uh? yes?"
"Well, I choose to wear this today. Can you respect my decision?"
Looking at her serious eyes, Xander was struck by how much her features had developed through the last few months. She looked very womanly at the moment. He blurted out, "Of course."
Dawn's serious face gradually became cheerful. "Yes!" she squealed, giving Xander a kiss on the cheek before running upstairs to get her stuff.
He smiled goofily and went down the stairs to meet one fuming Buffy, with her arms on her hips, her foot tapping the floor, and an unimpressed look fixed on her face.
Xander walked past her, his goofy grin not wavering. "I don't care. I'm the fun parent."
Buffy rolled her eyes.
~*~*~*~
Theme Song
Starring:
Sarah Michelle Gellar
Nicholas Brendon
Emma Caulfield
Michelle Trachtenberg
James Marsters
Alyson Hannigan as Willow Rosenberg
Starring:
Sarah Michelle Gellar
Nicholas Brendon
Emma Caulfield
Michelle Trachtenberg
James Marsters
Alyson Hannigan as Willow Rosenberg
~*~*~*~
Buffy inhaled the fresh air mixed with the smell of the sea. She and Xander were sitting on their beach blankets, waiting for Dawn to get them some ice cream. She smirked at Dawn's irritated huff while standing behind a very long line. She turned her head to Xander, who was drinking his juice and reading a comic. "So how's the construction going?" she asked.
He looked back at her, placing the plastic glass on the blanket. "Well, the basement and the first floor are practically done, except the first floor's doors need to be painted, as do some of the walls. And the bathrooms. We're still working on the second floor."
"I can't believe you're rebuilding the old high school. Haven't you learned anything from the old hellmouth-y one?" she hissed with a good-humored fierce look. She didn't really like the idea of Dawn studying there, but Buffy would not be able to afford sending Dawn to a private school. She wasn't even sure if she was allowed to change districts.
"Hey, if the mayor wanted a new high school, there's nothing I can do about it."
"Maybe this mayor is evil too."
"I doubt it. His armpits smelled." Xander shuddered, remembering the day the mayor made a visit to the construction place.
Buffy smiled, looking at the teenage girls who walked before her. "You know, putting apocalypses and monsters aside, high school was fun."
"The lack of responsibility was fun." At Buffy's frown, he stuttered, "Uh? adult life type of responsibility."
"We used to go to the Bronze all the time," Buffy said, smiling fondly. Her smile started to fade slowly.
They looked at the kids playing with beach balls when a heavy silence creped over them. Buffy felt her chest tighten while she looked at the teens playing and laughing. Carefree and happy. Just like they used to when they were still their age.
"Have you talked to Willow?" she asked, running her hand through the sand.
"After her trip to vain-y land?"
"After Giles took her to England," she amended inaudibly.
"I've called a few times."
"How many?"
"Uh? from the first night's call to the other call on the very second night since she had left: two," he said as he bowed his head in shame.
"Oh."
He looked at her. "What about you? What's your magic number?"
Buffy looked at him for a second before she looked down, discomforted.
"So you're a virgin," he confirmed.
She gave him a look.
"You know, in the whole Willow phonecalling scheme, I'm pretty much cooler than you," he explained awkwardly.
"I guess," Buffy admitted seriously before looking down. "Right now I'm not sure if I'm qualified to call myself someone's friend."
"Hey," Xander said in a soothing voice. "C'mon now, things with Willow are pretty rough. It's understandable not to be in contact with her all summer. We?"
"Guys," Dawn called, coming over, carrying two cones of ice cream. Each cone was held in one hand. She handed them to Xander and Buffy.
"Where's yours?" Buffy asked.
"Well, I'm on a diet."
"'Cause you're a stick?" Buffy asked with a raised eyebrow. Xander smiled at her.
"I'll have you know that that giant, yet delicious chocolate cake you guys got for my birthday made me gain half a pound." She pouted.
"And since I ate half of that cake, I'm guessing I've gained lots of non-regrettable half pounds," Xander commented with a headshake.
Buffy took a few licks of her ice cream. "How about some exercising? You're kinda lumpy on the tummy."
"I am?" Dawn exclaimed in horror, looking down at her flat stomach.
"You look fine," Xander assured in a placating tone, only to wince when Buffy slapped his shoulder.
"Ow," he yelled, patting the stinging area.
"You don't hit on my sister."
"Ew." Dawn shuddered.
"Hey, that's not an expression you see from a girl with the big crush on the me."
Dawn rolled her eyes. "Is there ever gonna be a chance you'll forget about that?"
"No," he replied sullenly.
Dawn gave another eye roll before her eyebrows furrowed as she listened to a remix of Destiny Child's song 'Nasty Girl.' "Ooooh," she squealed, clapping her hands. "I love this song." She started dancing and swaying to the music, gyrating her hips and running her hands through her hair. Xander looked at her with a tight smile, trying as hard as he could not to look below Dawn's neck. However, Buffy was more interested in her ice cream.
A teenage boy passed by, but stopped when he spotted Dawn's dancing. He tilted his head, staring at Dawn's lower back.
"Hey!" Xander shouted at him when he noticed the stares. "Nothing to see here. Now beat it, buddy!"
The boy stumbled away before Xander finished talking. Dawn regarded the fleeing teen, slack-jawed. She turned angry eyes at Xander. "Why did you do that? He was cute!"
"Don't you want a guy who appreciates you for your intelligence?" Xander asked innocently.
"Screw intelligence! That guy thought I was hot!"
"Watch that mouth," Xander chastised.
Dawn's eyes were about to pop out of her head from irritation. She looked back at Xander with teenage rage. "It was enough to have Buffy as the annoying parent, now you joined the strict squad?"
Buffy tossed her cone away and looked at Xander's melting ice cream. "Are you sure you want yours?"
******
Buffy walked around the cemeteries, bored. She was tossing her stake in the air and then catching it easily. "Nice day at the beach followed by boring night at the cemetery," she mumbled, looking around. "And worst of all, no vamps to slay."
She sighed, walking around. How long had she been doing this? Walking at night, looking for the undead, getting in with the slaying, coming back home before sunrise, trying to catch up on some sleeping, waking up in the morning very tired because of the lack of sleep. When was she going to get a break?
She shook her head. She wasn't going down this road again. It had been rough coming back, doing the same thing over and over. Nevertheless, she had moped about this for a whole year and now it was time to get over that drama and just accept.
She snorted. "Like that'll be easy."
Something behind her moved. She quickly swerved around, taking position, anticipating any attack. Nothing happened. No one was there. She just realized that she entered the forest near the cemetery with all these tress surrounding her. She looked around carefully, trying to pick up any sound. Then she felt it.
Her heart started beating faster. She looked around, tense. He was here. He was definitely here. There was no sound or movement, but she knew he was here.
"Spike?" she whispered.
He was very near, but she still couldn't hear any movement or see anything stir. She didn't see Spike.
She let out a shuddered breath, walking carefully around. Maybe it was just her imagination, but the feeling was so strong. She could feel a vampire, and said vampire was Spike for sure. Was it just her going crazy? Suddenly, someone grabbed her and spun her around. Her eyes were wide with fear, especially since no one was in sight. But he was here. She could feel him.
"Spike, I know you're here!" she called, looking around.
Her heart raced when all she saw was darkness. The forest was nowhere to be seen, but she could feel Spike around still. She didn't hear, see, or smell a thing. But he was here. She was sure he was.
Suddenly she lost her balance and fell backward. Her hand reached out for something to grab for balance, but nothing was there. She fell down, hitting her back against something solid. She let out a cry of pain, feeling someone in front of her trying to grab her.
She looked up to meet a pair of angry yellow eyes before she fell to the ground. Someone got on top of her, holding her down. She tried to fight, feeling hands grabbing her face.
"No, stop, no!" she yelled, twisting to get out.
Her eyes searched into the darkness but nothing was there except for the eyes. She got onto her stomach and tried to pull herself away, but the weight was on top of her, holding her down, grabbing her arms as she continued yelling and protesting.
"Stop!"
She focused on the golden eyes, feeling tears of desperation and horror forming in her own. "Spike, stop, please," she whispered brokenly.
Her mind traveled back to her bathroom, the robe she was wearing, the tub, Spike's jeans, Spike's blue eyes. Blue eyes.
She focused on the golden eyes before her. They didn't belong to a vampire. They didn't belong to Spike. With little struggle, she freed one of her hands and shoved two of her fingers into the eyes.
Suddenly, the blackness faded and she met the dark sky. Buffy sat up looking at the howling demon. It was huge and slick, dirty blonde hairs from the head to the back, spreading to the arms?
Buffy couldn't observe more before another two demons showed up. She trembled in fear when the darkness started to spread. She got up clumsily, trying to run away. "No!" she yelled, running away from them. One of her legs was experiencing unbearable pain. She was too freaked out to identify which one. Her eyes were firmly closed, trying hard not to see the yellow eyes again. Suddenly, she slammed into someone and screamed, terrified.
"Buffy."
She screamed more, trying to get away.
"Buffy, it's me! Stop fighting!"
She opened her eyes and Xander was looking down at her with worry. She could barely breathe as she looked up with wide eyes. She could hear her heartbeats, she could feel them racing.
"Hey, it's alright, calm down," Xander spoke softly, hesitatingly trying to reach for her shoulders.
It was Xander. Only Xander. No gold eyes. No big demon. No Spike. Just Xander.
As she slowly moved forward to his open embrace, a horrid sound came from behind. She whirled around, her eyes widening when she caught the sight of the demons.
"Holy shit!" Xander exclaimed.
Buffy grabbed Xander's arm and started pulling him away with her. "Xander, c'mon," she yelled, running away, feeling relieved when Xander started running with her. She hissed at the pain in her leg, but didn't stop running.
Xander's car was outside the cemetery. They quickly and awkwardly got in, and a few seconds later Xander drove away. She didn't even bother to put on the seat belt. She looked back, watching as the car drove away from the gates of the cemetery. The demons didn't follow them.
She let out a shuddered sigh of relief, turning back to sit upright. Her ragged breaths started to slow down as did her heartbeats. Her back hurt from where she hit that? whatever it was. She couldn't get herself to sit upright, so she just placed her elbow on the car door, with her forehead resting on her palm, her fingers pressed against her scalp.
"What the hell were they?" she heard Xander shout the question. "They're really large?"
Buffy couldn't just stay still. She leaned back with both her hands on her lap. She started rocking back and forth, her eyes wide and she barely whispered a word. Xander stopped his nervous babble and she felt him look at her with concern.
"Buffy, what's wrong?"
She didn't answer, but kept twisting in her seat, staring ahead. Xander glanced over at her every few seconds. "Are you okay?" he asked.
She nodded, rocking harder. She desperately wanted to stop rocking, to stop worrying Xander. There was nothing to fear here. Everything was fine. But she still rocked, on the verge of exploding.
Her eyes focused on the road. The long, very clean, road. The yellow line on the road caught her attention the most because it seemed like it was racing or something. It was like they were moving faster and faster. Suddenly, the car wasn't going in a straight line. The view had changed because Xander was pulling the car over to the side of the road. The car stopped moving, but Buffy kept rocking.
She slightly shuddered when she felt a gentle hand touch her arm. A small whimper escaped her lips as she was pulled into an embrace. She was about to fight the hands that pulled her before she realized it was Xander. She let him hug her, even if it felt awkward inside the car. The position wasn't really comfortable, but she managed to feel comfortable enough to let her tears fall. She rested her head on his shoulder, feeling his hand run smoothly up and down her spine, in a comforting rhythm. She was safe.
********
Buffy dashed inside her house with Xander close behind. She limped toward the living room, speaking with false poise. "Okay, we gotta find them. Go up and get Dawn, you two are gonna hit the books. I'll go out there?"
"Buffy, Buff, you're losing it. C'mon, sit down?"
"No," she yelled, reaching for the weapon chest. "There's? no time to sit down? I-I have to go out. Look for them. I-"
Xander grabbed her shoulders. "You are gonna sit down." He pulled her out of the room as she reluctantly struggled. Her injured leg hurt her a little, so she let him guide her to the kitchen. He pulled out a chair and pushed her gently to sit. She was about to talk, but he pointed a stern finger at her with a glare that made her close her mouth.
"Now," he began, "I'm gonna get you a fresh glass of water." He walked to the fridge, getting a bottle of cold water and pouring some into a glass. He walked back to where Buffy sat, handing her the glass. She took it quietly and started taking a few sips.
Xander brought out a chair for himself and sat in front of her. "Now tell me exactly what happened."
Buffy placed the glass on the table before she looked at him, unsure.
"C'mon, Buffy, if we wanna get them, I gotta know what we're fighting," he pleaded softly.
Buffy closed her eyes for a brief moment. "Okay." She looked at him. "I was at the cemetery and before I knew it I was in the woods."
Xander nodded.
"I heard something there and then I felt?" She wasn't sure if she needed to tell Xander about the Spike part. She wasn't sure how Xander would react to it. She bit her lower lip, looking straight at Xander's hands. His fingers were closed on each other, very calm. That reassured her a little, but she knew that when it came to Spike, Xander would just lose his comforting tranquility.
"You felt what?" Xander asked in a quiet voice, urging her to speak.
Her eyes focused on his calm hands, deciding to give Xander a chance. Deciding to open a new page to a world where she didn't keep secrets from her friends. "I felt him around," she said, her eyes moving to her unsteady hands.
"Who?" Xander asked, confused.
She looked at him with a sad expression. It didn't take him long to guess. His calm features dissolved into the scowl he normally wore when it came to Spike.
"Oh." He looked down for a bit. "You think he came back?"
"I don't think so," she said confidently. "I think those demons were doing something." Xander didn't look convinced but she went on, "They had control over my senses somehow. They? they made me relive one of Spike's? not-so-great moments."
"When he tried to rape you," Xander spoke knowingly.
She flinched.
"I-I'm sorry," Xander whispered, looking down, upset.
She tried to smile, but failed. "It's okay." She looked at Xander's hands, which had had lost their reassuring calmness. "I think these demons did something to me. Made me think and? feel stuff that hurt me. They made me feel Spike hurting me. They made it so real."
"Are you sure it was the demons' doing?" Xander asked skeptically. Buffy knew what he was hinting at.
"Yeah, I'm sure."
"But you said you felt Spike around. Don't you think that maybe he came back?"
She shook her head. "I felt Spike but I didn't see him. I felt his hands? but I didn't see him or hear him. It's like a real d?j? vu. The eyes looking at me were yellow."
"Spike's eyes can go yellow."
"But they didn't at that time," she whispered. "He didn't change into his? vamp-face or whatever you'd like to call it."
"Doesn't that make it worse?"
Buffy closed her eyes, annoyed. Yep, it was a bad idea. "Xander, I'm not discussing what happened with Spike now. I just want to get rid of the demons."
"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. It's just? the thing between you and Spike?" Buffy let out an irritated sigh. "? it's not my business." He bit his lip, looking down, hurt. Buffy's stare softened and she reached for his hand, holding it tight.
He looked up with a bitter smile. "Buffy, I just wanna help."
"I know," she whispered. "You are."
Xander chuckled, looking away, not believing her.
"You are," she stressed. "Of all the people I know, you're the only one who stuck around, Xander." Xander looked up, his eyes meeting hers. How many disappointments had she gone through, especially with the men in her life? Xander was the only man in her life who hadn't left. The only one who stuck by her side. "Thank you? for staying," she said, feeling the need to let him know how much she appreciated him for that.
He smiled, holding her hand in his. They looked at each other for awhile, before Buffy broke the stare. "Alright. We need to work on this now." She stood up and hissed at the pain in her leg.
"How about some sleeping instead?" Xander asked.
"What?" She looked at him in disbelief.
"Buffy, you look deadbeat. You can barely walk. I think you need some rest, especially with what you went through tonight. I'm sure tomorrow we'll all be refreshed and ready for research?"
"But?"
"No," he said, standing up. "Moi has spoken. It's time for nice little slayers to listen."
"Xander, someone's life could be in danger right now."
"And a dead slayer is no good to them," he emphasized, holding her gaze with a strong one. At her sigh, he held her shoulders, walking her toward the stairs. "C'mon, we have to take care of your leg. As I remember, the med kit is still in your room."
"Mom's," Buffy corrected softly.
"Because important things are kept in mommy's room?"
"No? uh, I started sleeping there? recently." She could feel Xander's confusion, but she cherished that he didn't ask why. She, herself, didn't know why. With everything that happened last year, her room was just filled with depressing memories. The warmth of her mother's room soothed her. She needed the warmth because there wasn't any last year. It was all cold, brutal and? empty.
She hissed again when she pressed on her leg, feeling Xander tense beside her. He let her lean heavily on his body, trying gently to get to her mother's room faster. She smiled at his attempts, thankful that she still had him in her life. After everything that went on between them last year, it was nice that their friendship had become stronger.
*****
Xander slowly patched Buffy's leg so that he wouldn't hurt her more than she already was. Then he put everything back into the med kit, while Buffy lay down on her mom's bed. He put the med kit back in the closet and turned to watch her trying to get comfortable.
"I still think I should go out," she mumbled.
"Sure, go out, find gorilla demons, get killed while you're at it. That'll save the world," Xander said tiredly, knowing that he sounded a little harsh.
Buffy pressed her lips together in a pout. "Hey, where's my Xander support?"
"It'll drop by tomorrow, when you're more relaxed and ready to kick some sloppy demon ass."
She nodded sleepily, pressing her head to the pillow more. Xander smiled and started walking towards the door, before he stopped. He turned around and looked at her. Her eyes were open and looking straight ahead until she noticed him looking at her. She looked at him, puzzled.
"What?"
He rubbed the back of his neck. "I? I'm thinking maybe I should stay."
Buffy frowned. "You mean sleep over?"
"No? I meant here. With you. Until you fall asleep, that is." He bit his lower lip, looking down nervously.
"Oh." He looked up, caught by the look on Buffy's face. He couldn't really define it. "Thank you? for the thought, Xander, but I think I'll be fine by myself."
Xander shifted uncomfortably. "Yeah, okay." He was about to turn away, when she spoke, "Unless?"
He turned around, looking at her. She pulled the blanket closer to her chest. "Unless you want to," she whispered.
He didn't say a thing. He just dragged a chair next to her bed and sat in front of her. She gave him a small smile and closed her eyes.
Xander watched her as she drifted off. His hero. Small, scared and sad. Nothing like the hero he used to picture her as before. Super Buffy, who was ready to face whatever she came across. The one who was above it all. Perfect, strong, undefeatable. Right now as she slept, Xander could see the real Buffy. She wasn't always brave, she wasn't always right, she wasn't perfect. She was human. She was his human friend with handy superpowers. He smiled fondly, admiring her even more now.
He looked at the picture of him, Buffy and Willow beside the bed. His eyes lingered on the laughing face of Willow, feeling a painful grip in his chest. How was she doing now? He hoped Giles was taking good care of her.
*******
Willow stared motionless at the line between the wall and the ceiling, huddling under the blanket that covered her body from shoulder to toe. The dampness on the pillow under her temple and cheek aggravated her, but she had no energy to flip the pillow to the dry side. Should she be thinking about energy right now? Power. Force. Vigor. The reason she was here, anyway.
Here. Inside this exaggeratedly, elegant huge room. She had never noticed how stylish the room was, nor did she even give a second glance to Giles' house. The thoughts that had clouded her mind when she first came here were about when she would be executed.
That never came though.
Nothing she had expected had happened. She wasn't killed, nor was she punished. At least 'punished' in that old traditional kind of way, because being locked in Giles' house, learning how to drink tea and make it properly was definitely a punishment.
Great. Now she was joking? She shouldn't joke about this. Not after what she had done.
Jokes aside, she knew what her punishment was, though. It wasn't like she had expected, but nonetheless it was effective. She had felt it today. Her punishment.
It was their eyes.
The eyes of those women in the coven. The way they had looked at her. Fear was there, in their eyes, in their souls. People were afraid of her. All of them. The women from the coven. The council men. Sometimes Giles. They would always be afraid of her. No one would ever feel safe around her.
Even her friends, once she would see them again, though she didn't know when. But she knew it would happen sooner or later. At the moment, she certainly wasn't ready to face them. It had been two months. Two months since she had last seen them. Two months since she jumped into the dark side.
"Tara," she whispered brokenly, looking up with newly formed tears.
*******
Anya was closing the door to the magic shop when Xander found her. "Anya!" he called, getting out of his car.
She looked his way and grimaced when she caught the sight of him. "Oh, swell, what do you want?"
"Hey, Ahn," he whispered. It had been weeks since he last saw her. She was at the Bronze, listening to scorned women, trying to grant them vengeance against their ex-boyfriends. Xander had always wondered why he hadn't mentioned this to Buffy. Why he hadn't tried to stop her. After all, what she was doing was evil. Right?
"Listen, Harris," Anya started, and he winced when she called him by his last name. "It's midnight and I'm tired, so either say what you want or let me teleport in peace."
"Right. Uh? Buffy has been attacked by some kind of greeny greasy demons tonight and they hurt her real bad. There were only three of them. Description is blond hairs on the head and the side of their arms? uh, tall and big? really big, Olaffy sort of big, or maybe Bouncing Boy-like?"
Anya looked at him annoyed through the whole speech. She interrupted his babble, "Great, not only do you insensitively mentioned my ex boyfriend's name, but you actually got the nerve to show up after weeks of avoiding me to ask for research help. Well, take this, Xander Harris, I don't know and I don't care. You want to help Buffy, do it on your own. I don't have time for people who don't give a crap about me."
Xander bit his lower lip at her angry stare and nodded his head in shame. No matter how much it hurt to hear about him sucking when it came to her from her, he knew she was right. He dejectedly walked toward his car, mentally cursing his insolence. As he opened the driver's door, Anya's nervous voice drifted to his ear, "They're called Cluqux demons. They torture their victims by making all their senses relive their last horrible experience. Make it feel so real. They used to use it on the strong victims to make it easy for them to feed. But the last generation is so lazy; they started using that effect on every prey. "
"How do we kill them?" Xander asked.
"Anything sharp through the heart. I'm not sure about stakes, swords seem more effective."
Xander smiled at her. "Thank you, Anya."
She shrugged. "Yeah, whatever. That's the last time you and your stupid little friends ask for my help! I'm trying to get my reputation back. You only make me look bad in front of the lower beings."
Xander nodded quickly, very grateful, before getting into his car.
*****
Anya sadly watched Xander drive away, leaving her alone. She sighed, hugging herself while looking at the dark quiet street. After seconds of silence, she glared. What the hell? She wasn't feeling upset about Xander Harris and his little Scooby gang, was she? So what if he didn't invite her to solve whatever problem they were having? It wasn't like she wanted to be there with those stuck up humans who think they know better than anyone, giving her those annoying looks whenever she said something they thought wasn't appropriate.
Screw them. She didn't care. She had her vengeance, Halfrek as a friend, and the Magic Box? which Xander had chipped in to have fixed, but it was hers. She didn't need them. All she needed was vengeance.
"Anyanka?"
Anya whirled around fretfully to find Halfrek standing behind her. "Hallie?" she gasped relieved. "Don't sneak up on me like that."
"Were you just talking to Xander?" Halfrek asked with a head tilt.
"What? He? he just came by to ask me to get back together. I rejected him with a great deal of quiet vehemence. Like I'd get back with that jerk again." She let out a loud awkward laugh.
"Hmmm," Halfrek sounded irritatingly doubtful, with another head tilt to the other side.
"What?" she asked, annoyed.
"Oh, nothing," Halfrek answered sweetly. "So, what do you say we head to where Judith is? She just told me some old mother is about to wish justice on her ungrateful son. It'll be fun."
"Uh?" Anya stuttered. "I'll pass?"
Halfrek blinked. "Why?"
"Tonight they'll air My Best Friend's Wedding, and I just love that song at the restaurant."
"Isn't that a romantic movie?"
"What? Well, the song is pretty?" Anya started dancing awkwardly while singing, "Forever and ever, you stay in my heart and I?" she trailed off when Halfrek blinked some more at her. "It's a pretty song," she defended weakly.
Halfrek's lips thinned. "Whatever, Anya, do as you please. I, however, will not miss a chance to see that ungrateful son pay what he deserves. Ta ta." As fast as a blink, Halfrek disappeared after her usual dramatic motion with both arms.
Anya looked unhappily at the spot her friend used to be standing in, feeling a little confused.
******
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