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Breaking Dawn: A ficlet featuring a discussion between Dawn and Spike about something

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  • Breaking Dawn: A ficlet featuring a discussion between Dawn and Spike about something

    "You didn't? Spike? Seriously?"

    "Look, Dawn, I was in hell, being held prisoner, it was all there was to do?"

    "You could've, I dunno?got religion or something."

    "Nah. One angel in my life's more than enough."

    "You could've got Hinduism. Hinduism doesn't have angels. Or crucifixes. Very vampire-friendly."

    "As a bloke who was actually alive during the Empire, Indian religion just makes me feel bloody awkward."

    "You feel ashamed about your colonial past and yet you don't feel ashamed of THIS? What HAPPENED to you, Spike? Did Wolfram and Hart put another chip in your brain? A lameness chip?"

    "Can we just drop it?"

    "Never. Not if you live another hundred years. Another frikkin thousand. If I'm dead, I'll still be calling down from heaven, "Hey, Spike, up here, I still haven't forgotten. And by the way, Jesus thinks you're lame too. And he loves EVERYONE.""

    "Oh?bloody hell. Just shut up will you?"

    "You. Read. The. Twilight. Books. On purpose. And to think I used to think you were cool."

    "You're not going to mention this to Buffy are you?"

    "If you're planning on having sex with her ever again? I think so! She might catch sexually transmitted lameness."

    "Fine. Tell her. See if I bloody care."

    "You care."




    "Ok, stop, I give in."

    "Why did you do it, Spike? Did you?enjoy it?"

    "No, of course not. They're shite."

    "But I bet, just a little teeny bit of you wishes you were Edward, right?"

    "Certainly not!"

    "All sparkly and dripping with women."

    "I dripped with plenty of women when I was in hell, thank you very much. Erm, don't tell Buffy."

    "I won't tell Buffy about the women. Because I'll be too busy telling her about your great big enormous boy crush on Edward."

    "What? NO. Dawn. I just picked it up?maybe leafed through a few pages?hardly read the thing at all."

    "Then you don't have any views on Jacob imprinting on Renesmee?"

    "Bloody nonce! It's disgust?no, I don't have any views. But, hang about?how do YOU know what happened?"

    "Andrew told me. He's, erm, really into them."

    "Bollocks. You read it!"

    "No I didn't."

    "You read it from cover to cover. I'm betting you even went online and read Edward fanfiction."

    "No! Wait, Spike, we're here to discuss your?"

    "Ha! Game's up, Dawnie. Or should that be?Breaking Dawn."

    "Stop it."



    "Oh, Edward, you're so beautiful, please take me away from all this and let me be your wife, fill me with your little babies!"

    "Ok, that's disturbing."

    "Yeah. Was rather."

    "Shall we talk about something else?"


    "So?.searching for a less disturbing topic?oh, I know, did I ever tell you about the time I saw Buffy gut a demon with a rusty nail when I was just five years old??"

    The End.
    Last edited by Wolfie Gilmore; 18-11-08, 11:59 AM.

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