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Challenge 8 entry 2

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  • Challenge 8 entry 2

    So I know this is a bit late...and if the challenge is really closed, no worries. It just popped into my head and I decided I had to do it.

    _________

    You look at me with brown pools full of regret and guilt, and I know that I am no innocent my love, I am certainly no shining light. You forgave me, it is true, and now it is my turn, and I shall forgive you, for the lies that you told in the service of some other god. Vengeance. What kind of god is that? Not justice but vengeance. And now, you see, she is broken, my slayer, she is split upon the alter of your vengeance, and I must choose. I must choose sides. And I choose her.

    ***

    I see you in the hallway with the kids and I think of the first time we talked. The library. Scanning books. That moment (oh, it still lives in my memory) when I told you I knew. The demon in the ?Net?god, what innocents we were then.

    I want to say I'm sorry, my love. I am so sorry. To you. To Buffy. If I could take it back ? I wouldn't. I couldn't. But I want to take you in my arms and I want to shake you ?til you speak to me and I want to tell you ? I'm sorry.

    ***

    It is Valentine's Day soon. And he is not mine anymore, he is not even his anymore. I destroyed him.

    And I destroyed them too. Giles, and Miss Calendar?standing here, they look younger than we do, him all stiff and proper, her all guilt and awkwardness. I want to tell them to go be happy, I want to tell Giles not to think of me ? but I can't. It hurts too much. And maybe I'm selfish, maybe I'm a monster, maybe all I do is destroy the people around me ? but I can't stand it if they're happy too.

    ***

    Here I am all happy and poor Giles is all miserable just like Buffy, and I didn't notice! And?am I allowed to feel bad for Miss Calendar? Because?she looks so sad too?like someone killed her puppy. Or maybe that she ran over it herself, because she looks so guilty.

    Wow. I don't think I'm supposed to think so much about killing puppies?

    If I'm allowed to feel bad for Miss Calendar, I do. And for Giles. And for Buffy. But especially for Buffy. Because she ?then he ? I guess she did kind of run over her puppy. Metaphorically speaking. In a not weird way.
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    http://buffysmom.wordpress.com/
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