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Feminine wiles: a season 8 ficlet

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  • Feminine wiles: a season 8 ficlet

    “So, why exactly did you think it was a good idea to creep into my bedroom at five in the morning, wearing....that?" said Buffy.

    She was holding a stake against the blonde vampire’s chest, pinning both arms down with her free hand, so their faces were close. “And why, other than the risk of getting my nice new comforter all covered in gross ashes, should I not stake you right here, right now?”

    Buffy was still dressed in her pyjamas and only just awake, with sleepy goo in the corners of her eyes and she felt like crap. She was not beyond staking a vampire just to make herself feel less grouchy. She gave the vampire’s wrists a shove to emphasise just how close she was to doing serious wood-based violence.


    “There’s going to be a lot more oww if you don’t start talking!” threatened the slayer. She looked down at the beautiful, vapid-looking creature below her and shook her head in disbelief. “Seriously Harmony, what are you up to?”

    “It’s ok! I’m on your side now!” Harmony squealed. “Andrew let me in, he said I should come see you, on account of you being willing to work with vampires now.”

    “We’re what now?” Buffy made a mental note to hurt Andrew accidentally on purpose in the near future.

    “You know, with Dracula?” Harmony said, smiling hopefully. “And Andrew said you’d been doing it with chicks, so I thought, maybe if I dressed a little sexy and came to your room, you’d be so into me that you wouldn’t attack me on sight.”

    Buffy upped that “accidentally on purpose” idea to “kick Andrew’s ass all over the castle and then throw him in the moat.”

    “That plan, not exactly working, is it?” growled Buffy. But she released Harmony’s wrists and got up. Harmony sat up, nursing her wrists.

    “Listen, I’m sorry I just came here without thinking about how you might feel, seeing me again,” said Harmony. She gave Buffy a sympathetic smile. “I know it must bring up a bunch of old stuff about Spike.”

    “Spike, really not what’s on my mind right now.” Buffy stood over Harmony, arms folded. “I’m mostly wondering what part of “I’m on your side now” you’re expecting me to believe?”

    Harmony sighed. “I knew it would be hard to convince you that I’ve changed. It was the same with Angel. Which was kinda fair enough in the end, cause, I did betray him an eensy bit…” Harmony looked embarrassed and flipped her hair.

    Buffy thought perhaps it was meant to be flirtatious. But…more importantly…Angel? She opened her mouth to speak, then thought better of it. “Never mind. You can tell me THAT story later.”

    “Anyway, I really have changed this time,” said Harmony, seriously. “On account of my soul.”

    Buffy’s eyes widened. “You… have a soul now?”

    “Yup. I got it done in Haiti, there was this adorable shaman.”

    “You don’t get a soul “done”, Harmony…” Buffy shook her head. “I don’t believe you. Why would you? How did YOU go through the trials and all that…?”

    Harmony gave a dismissive wave. “Listen, just because Angel and Spike or whoever had to be all macho about it and make it out to be a big deal, doesn’t mean it is.” Harmony shrugged. “When you’ve had a brazillian wax, not to mention a massage by Thierry at the Sunnydale Demon Spa, getting a soulectomy is, like, NOTHING.”

    Buffy was not taking this in. “You. Harmony Kendall. Have a soul? A SOUL?”

    “Aww, that’s so cute. You remember my surname!” She leaned forward, pushing her arms together to make her cleavage pop in her delicate negligee. “Did you, like, have a crush on me in high school or something? It’s ok if you did,” she added, graciously.

    Soul or no soul, Buffy’s hand clenched around the stake. “Stop the gross attempts at flirting RIGHT NOW or…”

    Harmony held up her hands. “Ok, look, I was just doing what Andrew suggested.”

    “Andrew SUGGESTED!!!!??? You mean he actually told you to come up and try to seduce me?”

    “He said you might need comforting after Satsu dumped you?” said Harmony, sounding less sure of herself. “Only he told me not to tell you he told me to. Ooops!”

    Buffy’s cry of “ANDREWWWWWWWW!” echoed through the entire castle and far, far into the fields beyond.
    Last edited by Wolfie Gilmore; 05-06-08, 10:59 AM.

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