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  • Results: Challenge #5

    And the winner iiiiiiis..... A Girl Called Mysti Munro, by tangent.

    A wonderful little fic beautifully written and that meets the challenge requirements.

    I got attached to Mysti, even got a little shiver reading the last sentence. I felt the sincere, harmless and artless admiration of the Scoobies, their genuine wish to befriend the girl. Mysti fulfils most of the typical Mary Sue criteria, without being tacky. She is credible yet "happens" to have an extraordinary amount of qualities, from fighting ability to academic knowledge, to wit. She is also a good Mary Sue in that it is the canon characters' response to her omni-talentedness that makes her credible. They don't seem to be suspicious of her being so great and nice and strong yet touchingly vulnerable. In reality - that is, in the reality that is a fictional TV show - a few of the characters would have questioned her presence, or at least been irritated by it. I could really see Anya, for example, or Willow, mocking her perfectness out of envy. But the circumstances of her plight, as well as her formative past, have made her mission and her person realistic. Buffy, specifically, has made her peace with Mysti's faultlessness, choosing to tell her story, as a tribute to that incredible young heroine who once inspired them all; perhaps as a way to keep her memory alive.

    As for the story itself, it is an excellent fanfic in the way that it is very "Buffy", the whole thing could have easily happened on the show and the classic demon plot still reads novel thanks to the unusual mineshaft location.

    The canon characters are true, in character, and their voices are irreproachable.

    A particular compliment must be paid to the fight scene which is both smooth and beautifully descriptive, and has a very professional pace to it.

    A few points to consider:

    - Although Mysti is a very good specimen of a voluntary Mary Sue, one thing that slightly moderates her Mary Sue-ness for me is your choice of a 1st person narration - which isn't Mysti's POV. There are advantages to this, such as it offers first-hand access to Buffy's feelings, however, in this particular challenge it constantly brings the focus back to Buffy, thus reducing the effect of Mysti being level with the canon characters. In other words, she's still very much an outsider and the unchallenged, undeniable hero is still, beyond doubt, Buffy. This in no way impairs the quality of your Mary Sue, it's just something you might want to consider should you ever wish to write another Mary Sue fic (which isn't very likely ). It also gave me the impression that you're not a natural at Mary Sue writing, that Mysti was the result of an effort more than an instinctive fanficking habit (which is a good thing ).

    - Consider these: you're, your, it's, its, Buffy's, Buffys (see, I always thought she was the chosen ONE...), and punctuation. Sorry for being picky here, but this is the 3rd fic of yours I've reviewed (I wouldn't be so mean if it was the first time) and I and other reviewers have mentioned this before but it's still a problem. It is a problem because it damages the quality of an otherwise brilliant fic. I promise you it's annoying to readers. Maybe not all readers but it annoys me, so chances are it annoys other readers too. Do something!

    - You have a very slight time-goof in this fic. The Scoobies didn't own the Magic Box at the time of your story. Nothing tragic, just something to bear in mind for future fanfics.

    But apart from these minor points I have to mention for thoroughness' sake, A Girl Called Mysti Munro is an excellent fic I really enjoyed reading and recommend to BtVS fans whether or not they like Mary Sue stories. Thank you, tangent, for giving me a good, touching, well plotted out, faithfully characterised story to read. Never apologise about the length of your stories, it's your hard work for readers' pleasure, and readers are grateful.

    1st Prize banner to come in the next few weeks...
    "I'd like to keep Spike as my pet."
    "Get out of my temporal lobe, House!"
    "Confessssssssssss!"

  • #2
    Thanks so much Aissy for your kind words and your constructive points, it means a lot.

    I'm glad you enjoyed the story overall and that you liked Mysti. The word that means the most to me in your description is 'Vulnerable' because that was something i was most definitely aiming for. I'm glad it came across. I get your point on the pov; I decided to go that way to try and get a direct but ouside view of Mysti and peoples reractions to her from one of the scoobies and I thought Buffy was the natural choice (Plus i've not written that much of Buffy in my other stuff.)

    I actually caught the time goof you mentioned shortly after submission but decided not to correct it till I got the feedback. The grammar and punctuation thing is most definitely my achilles heel and has been since school. You're (not your, see i am learning) right I should be getting better at it but it just seems to be a bit of a blind spot. I do promise to work on it though .

    Many thanks again for the great feedback.
    Last edited by tangent; 20-02-08, 01:22 PM.
    JUST ENOUGH KILL

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