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Xander Harris, Superstar: A Doctor Who/Buffy crossover

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  • Xander Harris, Superstar: A Doctor Who/Buffy crossover

    This story is set after Season 6 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and after the Season 2 Christmas Special of Doctor Who...all characters belong to RTD, JW and...whoever wrote the other source material...


    Willow was in England with Giles. Dawn was training with Buffy. Spike was god knows where, and good riddance. Anya was? around, somewhere.

    Xander, meanwhile, was finally getting on with his life. Work was going well, and he even owned a suit now. He even owned a suit that fit him. But beneath the adult fa?ade ? the car, the tie, the laptop ? he felt hollow.

    Maybe that's just what it feels like to be grown up? he mused, as he trudged across the site. Maybe this is what Dad used to talk about when he'd had a few Jim Beams ? or ten. The blank, drudging feeling. I thought that was just him, but maybe?

    He sighed. That was defeatist talk, and Xander was no defeatee. No sir. He was a go-getting, pro-active?and he couldn't even bear to finish that sentence in his head. He was beginning to regret reading that self help book. He was regretting even more that he'd told Dawn about it. Any residue of a crush she'd ever had on him was dead and gone after that. Not that he wanted her to have a crush, with the whole illegality issue. But still?he missed being wanted.

    All aboard the self pity train. Leaving in five minutes, please mind the doors!

    No one else was on site yet, as it was still early, and his guys were slackers, most of them. He looked around at the dusty space ? someone's future home ? and?

    A strange sound. What? A swoopy, alien sound?something was materialising before his eyes. Something blue. Something rectangular. What in the hell?

    A blue box was standing in the middle of the site. Like a call box, only made of wood. Its door opened, and a slim, youngish man in a suit got out. He stretched and yawned, before noticing Xander. When he did, he came strolling over, hands in his pockets. Xander realised he'd dropped his briefcase.

    "'scuse me," said the man, in a chirpy British accent. Not quite Spike-ish, not quite Giles-y, somewhere in between. Little touch of Michael Caine. "This might sound like a silly question, but what year is it? Only, the clock in me TARDIS is playing up."

    "It's 2002." Xander blinked and leaned forward. "Oh, wait?let me guess. You're from the future?"

    He shook his head, incredulously. Not another one. This one didn't look demony, but then, demons often didn't. At least it wasn't a female demon. That would be the straw that broke the camel's back then tried to eat its brains.

    The man seemed to think about this for a moment. "The future?" He rocked back on his heels. "Hmm, yes, I suppose I am." He peered closer at Xander, his interest suddenly piqued. "You don't seem very surprised."

    "Getting kinda hard to shock these days." When the man strolled closer, Xander held up a warning finger. "But, I'm not saying I believe you yet. And, in case you're a demon, I'd rather you hold it right there, buster."

    The man stopped, with an agreeable shrug. "Demons, eh? Interesting?"

    "I'm friends with the slayer, you know. She's due here any moment now," Xander warned.

    The man's eyes lit up. "The slayer?" He looked around at the building site.
    "Wait, are we in Sunnydale? Well I never. Explains your breezy insouciance?"
    He slapped his forehead. "Soo?we're in THAT dimension are we?" He started to pace. "The TARDIS's circuits really must be playing sillybuggers."

    Xander was processing this slowly. Not the strangest thing he'd ever heard ? or lived through ? but still a lot to take in for a Monday morning before he'd had coffee. "You mean, you're not just from the future?you're from another dimension?"

    "Yup. Or, you're from another dimension, depending who's side you're looking at it from. And, how rude, never introduced myself." He strode forward, forgetting Xander's warning and held out his hand. "I'm the Doctor."

    "Xander. Harris." They shook hands. Xander was warming to the man. Even if he was a demon, there was something about him?trustworthy, kinda.

    "So, Xander Harris, would you like to come and see inside my time machine?"

    How could he turn down an offer like that?


    Xander gazed around him. It was impossible, and that was what made it great. Bigger on the inside than on the outside. And, so many exciting buttons and unusual levers. It was geek heaven.

    "I know a coupla' nerds who'd kill to see this," he said. "And I mean that literally."

    "What, this old thing?" said the Doctor. He was grinning.
    Xander ran his hands over the control panel. It was humming, like something alive. "And this takes you?anywhere? Any time?"

    "Anywhere," said the Doctor. "Where'd you fancy? Tarantula nebula? Ancient Rome? New Earth? I seem to be between travelling companions at the mo, so why don't you come along? Take the TARDIS for a spin with me?"

    "Fraid I can't go anywhere." He jerked his thumb toward the door. "Those houses aren't gonna build themselves."

    "I can bring you back, right to this place, this time," said the Doctor. "Oh, go on, it'll be fun. What have you got to lose?"

    "Life and limb?" suggested Xander. But feeling the thrum of the TARDIS beneath his hand, he was tempted.

    "Imagine it. The vast expanse of space and time, whole new worlds?" The Doctor's eyes were alight. A manic energy that Xander found not a little scary. But, really?what did he have to lose? What was he afraid of?

    He smiled. "Go on then, Doc. Let's go back to the future. No, wait?" He wracked his brains for the coolest place and time he could think of. Starting to regret not listening in history right about now? "Aha!" Inspiration struck. He told the Doctor where he wanted to go.

    "Brilliant! Inspired choice!" The Doctor began to press buttons, seemingly at random, and pulled on a comically large lever. "Hold on tight!" the Doctor instructed.

    Xander grabbed onto a rail, and shortly afterwards, the TARDIS started making that same strange sound he'd heard on the building site a few minutes before. They were moving ? and not smoothly. The machine lurched, and Xander lurched with it. "Woooah!"

    They were off.

    The desert was freezing. Xander was wrapped up in a set of warm robes from the ?omygodenormous ? TARDIS wardrobe. Even Cordy in her rich bitch heyday never had anything like it. Though she probably wouldn't have coveted the space suit and the loincloth ensembles?

    They'd hidden the TARDIS behind a cluster of trees, by an oasis. They'd have to go the last part by foot. Honking great TARDIS in an ancient village would be wicked obvious.

    As they walked, the Doctor fell silent. He'd been chattering before. Light banter about his travels, about the time they'd arrived in, about the handy translation services provided to travelers in the TARDIS. Nothing about himself.

    Xander kept sneaking glances at his new companion as they walked. When he wasn't grinning or talking or gesturing wildly, the Doctor's face fell into a calm sadness. Who was he?

    Now all the bustle and crazy lurching was over, and they were just strolling along in the distant past ? again, woah ? he had to know more. Cause?he was starting to realize, this may not have been his most level-headed plan ever. Getting into spaceships with strange men?

    "So, who are you, exactly?"

    But instead of an answer, the Doctor pointed, excitedly, shaking his long sleeve out of the way. He was be-robed too, like a scrawny Laurence of Arabia. "It's just over there, see!"

    Ahead, across the moonlit sand, was a small village. Low, flat-rooved buildings, the odd late night pedestrian, donkeys?and, on the edge of the town, a stable.


    They stood for a moment outside the wooden door. The scent of straw, animals?something sweeter, too, drifted through.

    The Doctor sniffed. "Mmm. Myrrh. Seems we're not the first visitors."
    Xander's eyes popped wide. "Them? The three?They've really been here?"

    "In the kingly flesh. Though, technically, they weren't kings. Just astrologers with a bit of cash to splash."

    "This. Is so. Cool." Xander realized he was grinning like an idiot. He felt tingly. "Shouldn't we have brought presents?"

    "Nah!" The Doctor waved his hand. "Then they'd only have to go and add an chapter in the Bible. You don't want to add to the confusion. Besides, the kid's had enough presents. Don't want the messiah getting spoiled, do we?"

    Xander whistled. "And, is he really?I mean, never been particularly religious?is that really?you know. Big Guy junior in there?"

    "Is someone out there?" A woman's voice called from inside the stable.

    The Doctor winked at Xander. "Let's find out, shall we?" He pushed the door open. "Hallo! Sorry to barge in, but we heard that the king of the Jews had been born and thought we'd come and say wotcher!"

    A young woman ? hardly as old as Dawn ? was kneeling beside a manger. She looked up at them with wide, dark eyes. Pretty.

    BAD Xander

    An older man, maybe Xander's age, and sporting a full beard stood behind the girl. Behind Mary. He was eyeing the strangers suspiciously.

    "Er?hi," said Xander. "We've come to?"

    He wasn't entirely sure now why he'd come. Reason numero uno was that it was one historical event he was pretty sure of the date for. Though, the Doctor had corrected him on that one too. Reason number two?well, he'd figured "I met Jesus" would make a pretty good anecdote to tell the Scoobies when he got home.

    Feeling a little guilty about that right now.

    "Please, come in. You're welcome," said Mary. Her voice was soft and kind.
    Exactly how Xander had imagined it. He wondered if the translation?stuff?that the TARDIS had equipped him with was giving her anything like her real voice?or just what he wanted to hear?

    He walked softly up to the manger and knelt beside it. The baby inside was quiet, but awake. He was looking up at Xander with intense eyes. Something so familiar in those eyes. It was like looking at himself, like being watched by a mirror.

    "Isn't he lovely!" said the Doctor. He crouched beside Xander and beamed up at Mary. He held out his finger and the baby gripped it. "Cutchie cutchie coo!"

    "You can't cutchie coo Jesus!" Xander hissed.

    "Why not? He likes it." The Doctor pulled a zany face, crossing his eyes.

    "Don't you? Yes you do! You DO!"

    Mary laughed. "You two are a breath of fresh air. Everyone else is so serious when they come."

    "Where have you come from?" asked Joseph. He was still looking at them, warily.

    "Oh, don't worry. We're not Romans," said the Doctor. He let go of the baby's hand ? and the baby let him go ? and stood up, stroking his chin. "Don't let the beardlessness fool you. It's just a look."

    "Definitely not Romans," Xander added. Romans? Here? That hadn't occurred to him. History. Huh. It was a whole big thing? "So, uh?what now? Should we be?bowing down?"

    Mary giggled. "Don't be silly. That's not the point at all. He's the son of God, not an emperor. He's here for you. That's what the angel told me."

    As she fixed Xander with her dark eyes, he felt a shiver go through him. Whether this baby was what he was supposed to be or not?well, just the idea of it had a power all of its own. And he felt he should probably be going before he had any more bad thoughts about the Virgin Mary.


    Xander sighed. "You know, I feel sorry for the little guy. Knowing what's going to happen to him. The whole crucifixion, betrayed by your best friend deal. That's got to suck. Especially if it turns out he's not the son of God."

    They were back in the TARDIS, and back in their own clothes. The Doctor was doing?something?to the controls with a little zappy device. A sonic screwdriver, whatever that was. Xander coveted it. Which, another thing to feel guilty about.

    "That's humans for you," said the Doctor. "Betrayal's part of the game. It's what makes friendship mean something."

    "Humans?in the third person?you mean?you're not?" Xander felt a combination of surprise and pride at his grammar-knowing.

    "Nope." The Doctor reached under the control panel and connected a couple of wires. Sparks frizted and he jumped back. "Ouch!" He shook his finger and looked at Xander. "I'm from Gallifrey."

    "Where?" said Xander. "I mean?.you're an alien?"

    "Depends on your perspective, doesn't it? Anyway," the Doctor went on. "It's all his choice. He could choose a quiet life, two point four children, solid career in carpentry, maybe a spot of fishing. But he doesn't." He smiled, sadly. "Humans really are amazing."

    "Is he human, though?" asked Xander.

    "100 per cent," said the Doctor. He tapped in something to the console, glancing over his shoulder at Xander. "Isn't that the whole point? A god transformed into vulnerable human flesh?"

    Xander ran his fingers through his hair. "What, you believe it, then?"

    The Doctor shrugged. "Not my business, really. Not my god." He pulled a couple of levers, and a whirring noise rose up. "Ah. Good. She's ready to roll."

    They were back on the building site. Still morning. Still deserted. Nothing had changed. Xander's briefcase was still lying where he'd dropped it in shock.

    "Would you?er?like a cup of tea?" Xander gestured to the site office. The Doctor might be a strange traveler from another age, but he was still British, right?

    "Love one!" said the Doctor, cheerfully. "Can't stay long, but tea would be lovely. Always like a spot of tea. Got any biscuits?"

    They sat in the scruffy office ? papers all over the desk, rickety plastic chairs ? and drank tea out of plastic cups. The Doctor moved around, picking things up and looking at them. He pulled out his sonic screwdriver and aimed it at a paperweight. "Hmm?fascinating. In this dimension, you've got all these little particles in everything?extra energy?"

    "Magic?" suggested Xander.

    "I suppose you could call it that, yes." The Doctor's eyes were bright with excitement. "And, I wonder?" he started pacing. "Yes?that might work?I might be able to?I wonder why I never thought of it before?"

    "What might work? Can you sit down? You're making me queasy."
    The Doctor sat down and leaned forward. "I had a friend. A girl. Her name was Rose."

    "A girlfriend?"

    The Doctor seemed about to shake his head. But he chose to ignore the question instead. "And, due to?a long story, and a lot of running about, and dimensions?she ended up in another place. Somewhere I couldn't reach her?" He tailed off. His eyes were glazed, as if he was looking at something in the distance, beyond the walls.

    "She's in another dimension?" Xander prompted. Dude had an attention span like a gnat. Or maybe an attention span so long that tiny things like seconds and minutes meant nothing?

    "What I'm wondering is?and if I'm right?I might be able to use magic to?" He wasn't zoning out this time, as he lapsed into silence. Xander could see him struggling with something.

    "You want to get her back?" Xander leaned forward, one elbow on the desk.
    "Because, that sounds like some big spell you'd need to be brewing. And, there might be a Wicca or two who could help you, but?"

    The Doctor got up and turned away, leaning on the windowsill and looking out. His shoulders were tense. Xander could see the man's ? alien's ? jaw clenching. "You're right, of course," he said. " The ?but'. There's always a but for the things you want the most, isn't there?"

    Xander laughed. Not much mirth in it. "My love life, an endless stream of buts."

    The Doctor turned and raised an eyebrow.

    " I mean. Buts. With one t." Xander blushed. "It's this thing I do. With my mouth. It makes things dirty."

    "Yeah. You cheeky monkey." The Doctor straightened his tie and looked towards the door. "Thanks for the tea. Probably time you did some work. Those houses won't build themselves. Though, possibly not worth the bother. Year's time, they'll only be?" He shook his head. "I shouldn't be telling you things like that. I don't know what's come over me."

    "They'll only be what?" Xander got up, looking anxiously out at the site. "Don't tell me, another apocalypse?" his eyes widened. "Oh god, this isn't THE apocalypse, is it?"

    The Doctor patted him on the arm. "If I'm from the future, then the world can't end before then, can it?"


    "Time Lord's honour. But?" He looked at Xander. Those wide, wild old eyes gave Xander a shiver like he'd felt in the stable. In them, he could see emptiness. Fire. Excitement. And more pain than?

    The Doctor looked away and gestured towards the TARDIS. "Of course?you could come with me? There's more to see out there than babies and camels. There's, ooh?such a great, wide world out there."

    Xander glanced out the window at the drab building site. "Yeah. I bet there is. But?" He shook his head. "Thanks for the offer, but I'm needed here. I'm not sure for what?but, I'm betting there'll be a few more apocalypses before it's all over. And I have to be here to do what I can to stop them. Or at least, fix Buffy's windows for her while SHE stops them."

    The Doctor smiled. Xander thought it was a forced smile. Too much teeth, not enough light in the eyes.

    "Goodbye, Xander Harris," he said. He came closer, and gave him a peck on the cheek, then turned and left.

    Xander walked to the door and called, "Hey! That wasn't a Judas-y kiss was it?"

    The Doctor stopped and turned to look at him. The blue TARDIS was just behind him. "?Making you Jesus, you mean?" he called. "Actually, funny you should say that. When little baby Jesus grows up, he meets a nice lady called Mary, gives her a special kiss...etc etc, and a baby was born... And, what'd you know?I have a feeling you two might have a gene or two in common!"

    With that, the Doctor opened the TARDIS door, and moments later, the blue box vanished, with a whooshing, whooping sound.
    Xander was left standing, stunned, with the most disturbing thought of the day in his mind.

    "The Da Vinci Code was TRUE?"

    The End
    Last edited by Wolfie Gilmore; 09-06-07, 02:10 PM.

    -- Robofrakkinawesome BANNER BY FRANCY --