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This was from a prompt by KingofCretins...a season 8 fic - a missing scene from issue 9 of season 8, part four of "No Future for You". I don't think this really happened, but it's something that could have.
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I do my best thinking in the bath. That's not saying a hell of a lot ? my best, probably Giles' worst - but when I'm getting clean, my mind feels quieter. Things start to make a little sort of sense. This isn't going to be a relaxing soak though.
I just killed a friend of mine.
Or...we weren't exactly friends. I don't know what we were. Way we met wasn't exactly the ideal basis for a close relationship for a start: I was hired to kill her, she thought I was someone else. But, I've had worse relationships, and felt less when someone died.
When I killed them.
Damn. This blood is not going to come off without some serious scrubbing. And, not sure Giles even has a loofah. Seems my time with Gigi spoiled me for bathroom luxury. Oh yeah, spoiled me. Because it was me who got the raw end of that.
He's playing records downstairs now. Geez. Velvet Underground? Doesn't he own any ?up' music? Maybe he figures I'll slit my wrists in the bath and he'll be shot of a problem?
But it's beautiful. I don't usually have much time for beautiful. ?Cept if it comes with a six pack and a motel room. But this...yeah. This I like.
Just a perfect day,
Drink sangria in the park,
And then later, when it gets dark,
We go home.
Old, scratchy, I don't know why he doesn't just join at least the late 20th century and get a CD player. But that's Giles for you. The old crusty act is part of his charm.
I wonder what it would be like to screw him? I wonder if Buffy ever thought about it? And I wonder why, out of all the bad boys I've slept with, sleeping with Giles seems like the wrongest thing I could do?
Well, not the wrongest maybe. Murder probably wins there.
Just a perfect day,
Feed animals in the zoo
Then later, a movie, too,
And then home.
Washing blood out of your hair, off your skin, it's part of the job. Though, not my job any more, if that's what I choose. Am I ready to turn my back on all this?
Maybe I should. Just try and put all this behind me. Forget this life. Forget her. Forget how she looked at the end. Mascara smeared every which way. Younger than I realised.
"It's like the song goes..."
And then gone.
Oh its such a perfect day,
Im glad I spent it with you.
Oh such a perfect day,
You just keep me hanging on,
You just keep me hanging on.
Just my luck, I think, as I rinse my hair and give up on the blood around my hairline. (Try again tomorrow morning). Just my luck...that when I try to give someone another chance, when I try to solve something with words and not a dagger...I lose her anyway.
Just a perfect day,
You made me forget myself.
I thought I was someone else,
Someone good.
That image isn't going to leave me any time soon. Jumbled thoughts of the punches we threw, the anger in her eyes. And then the end: blood....roses...reminds me of when Mom used to go on about JFK. The car was full of blood and roses. I sometimes think she cared more about him dying than...
...and now you're just being pathetic. Get out of the bath. Get dry. Get your head together and do something useful. You can't leave it like this. You can't let them...
I sneak out after I'm dressed. Makes me feel like a naughty schoolgirl, though don't have the real experience to compare it to. Not like I was ever a schoolgirl, unless you count the outfits angle.
Maybe Giles notices me slip out, but he doesn't try to come after me. That's what I like about guys, or some guys...at least they know when to leave you alone. Sometimes, all the talking and hugging the world isn't going to solve anything. Sometimes you have to get out and get doing, you know?
It's not hard to get onto the estate, now the barriers are down. I don't know where everyone is, but the place seems dead.
She's where we left her, all alone. I kneel down and look into her face. The cliche crap isn't true. Death doesn't look like sleep. She doesn't look peaceful. She looks...gone. It's just a body, and I did that.
I feel cold as I lift her. The cold of her skin, and the other kind of cold. Deep in the bones and under the skin cold. I wonder if this is what vamps feel every day.
I touch and lift her gently, tenderly. Like she's some little injured animal I'm taking to a safe place. Which, I guess I am.
I take her away and bury her somewhere that she won't be disturbed, in the woods. Maybe I didn't need to dig as long as I did. When I hop down into the grave her with in my arms, it gives my knees a jar. It's deep. I lay her down and wonder what to do with her arms. By her sides? Across her chest?
This is so morbid, but I couldn't leave her there. Who knows what Roden's people might do with her body? And it's not like her family gave a crap. Let them think what they like. That she killed Roden and ran away. Whatever. I don't care about them. I care about a girl who never knew me, and who I couldn't save.
Her face is covered with little flecks of earth. I see a worm crawl out of the soil and I want to be sick. But I don't do it. I lean down and brush the earth off her freezing cheek. I have to get out of here. I can't be close to her like this, seeing the moonlight on her face, making her look like a broken doll.
As I fill in the grave, I figure I should say something. But what? Ashes to ashes, dust to dust? Is that the right thing? When all I feel like saying is this is a f***ing waste, and I did this.
And I'm sorry.
Oh its such a perfect day,
Im glad I spent it with you.
How'd the next bit go? Oh yeah.
Youre going to reap just what you sow
Well, I hope that's not the full truth. I can't wash this blood off and I can't forget Gigi, but I can try to make things right as best I can. Can't I? Help people like her who've lost their way. People like me.
Buffy's not the only one who can change the world.
Youre going to reap just what you sow,
Youre going to reap just what you sow,
Youre going to reap just what you sow...
-------------------------
I do my best thinking in the bath. That's not saying a hell of a lot ? my best, probably Giles' worst - but when I'm getting clean, my mind feels quieter. Things start to make a little sort of sense. This isn't going to be a relaxing soak though.
I just killed a friend of mine.
Or...we weren't exactly friends. I don't know what we were. Way we met wasn't exactly the ideal basis for a close relationship for a start: I was hired to kill her, she thought I was someone else. But, I've had worse relationships, and felt less when someone died.
When I killed them.
Damn. This blood is not going to come off without some serious scrubbing. And, not sure Giles even has a loofah. Seems my time with Gigi spoiled me for bathroom luxury. Oh yeah, spoiled me. Because it was me who got the raw end of that.
He's playing records downstairs now. Geez. Velvet Underground? Doesn't he own any ?up' music? Maybe he figures I'll slit my wrists in the bath and he'll be shot of a problem?
But it's beautiful. I don't usually have much time for beautiful. ?Cept if it comes with a six pack and a motel room. But this...yeah. This I like.
Just a perfect day,
Drink sangria in the park,
And then later, when it gets dark,
We go home.
Old, scratchy, I don't know why he doesn't just join at least the late 20th century and get a CD player. But that's Giles for you. The old crusty act is part of his charm.
I wonder what it would be like to screw him? I wonder if Buffy ever thought about it? And I wonder why, out of all the bad boys I've slept with, sleeping with Giles seems like the wrongest thing I could do?
Well, not the wrongest maybe. Murder probably wins there.
Just a perfect day,
Feed animals in the zoo
Then later, a movie, too,
And then home.
Washing blood out of your hair, off your skin, it's part of the job. Though, not my job any more, if that's what I choose. Am I ready to turn my back on all this?
Maybe I should. Just try and put all this behind me. Forget this life. Forget her. Forget how she looked at the end. Mascara smeared every which way. Younger than I realised.
"It's like the song goes..."
And then gone.
Oh its such a perfect day,
Im glad I spent it with you.
Oh such a perfect day,
You just keep me hanging on,
You just keep me hanging on.
Just my luck, I think, as I rinse my hair and give up on the blood around my hairline. (Try again tomorrow morning). Just my luck...that when I try to give someone another chance, when I try to solve something with words and not a dagger...I lose her anyway.
Just a perfect day,
You made me forget myself.
I thought I was someone else,
Someone good.
That image isn't going to leave me any time soon. Jumbled thoughts of the punches we threw, the anger in her eyes. And then the end: blood....roses...reminds me of when Mom used to go on about JFK. The car was full of blood and roses. I sometimes think she cared more about him dying than...
...and now you're just being pathetic. Get out of the bath. Get dry. Get your head together and do something useful. You can't leave it like this. You can't let them...
I sneak out after I'm dressed. Makes me feel like a naughty schoolgirl, though don't have the real experience to compare it to. Not like I was ever a schoolgirl, unless you count the outfits angle.
Maybe Giles notices me slip out, but he doesn't try to come after me. That's what I like about guys, or some guys...at least they know when to leave you alone. Sometimes, all the talking and hugging the world isn't going to solve anything. Sometimes you have to get out and get doing, you know?
It's not hard to get onto the estate, now the barriers are down. I don't know where everyone is, but the place seems dead.
She's where we left her, all alone. I kneel down and look into her face. The cliche crap isn't true. Death doesn't look like sleep. She doesn't look peaceful. She looks...gone. It's just a body, and I did that.
I feel cold as I lift her. The cold of her skin, and the other kind of cold. Deep in the bones and under the skin cold. I wonder if this is what vamps feel every day.
I touch and lift her gently, tenderly. Like she's some little injured animal I'm taking to a safe place. Which, I guess I am.
I take her away and bury her somewhere that she won't be disturbed, in the woods. Maybe I didn't need to dig as long as I did. When I hop down into the grave her with in my arms, it gives my knees a jar. It's deep. I lay her down and wonder what to do with her arms. By her sides? Across her chest?
This is so morbid, but I couldn't leave her there. Who knows what Roden's people might do with her body? And it's not like her family gave a crap. Let them think what they like. That she killed Roden and ran away. Whatever. I don't care about them. I care about a girl who never knew me, and who I couldn't save.
Her face is covered with little flecks of earth. I see a worm crawl out of the soil and I want to be sick. But I don't do it. I lean down and brush the earth off her freezing cheek. I have to get out of here. I can't be close to her like this, seeing the moonlight on her face, making her look like a broken doll.
As I fill in the grave, I figure I should say something. But what? Ashes to ashes, dust to dust? Is that the right thing? When all I feel like saying is this is a f***ing waste, and I did this.
And I'm sorry.
Oh its such a perfect day,
Im glad I spent it with you.
How'd the next bit go? Oh yeah.
Youre going to reap just what you sow
Well, I hope that's not the full truth. I can't wash this blood off and I can't forget Gigi, but I can try to make things right as best I can. Can't I? Help people like her who've lost their way. People like me.
Buffy's not the only one who can change the world.
Youre going to reap just what you sow,
Youre going to reap just what you sow,
Youre going to reap just what you sow...
