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Bringing Gifts

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  • Bringing Gifts

    Disclaimer: All characters are the property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy--absolutely not mine!

    I hope Buffy comes back soon.

    She's my sister and I care about her and I'm starting to miss her. The last time she was here I gave her a big hug and put my head down on her shoulder and we just stayed that way for a long time because I didn't want her to go away again.

    And it's dark and there's nothing on TV so I'm watching Jumanji on DVD (which I would never do if Buffy were here because she says it gives her Ethan nightmares and I think that's funny but I kinda understand) but I've seen it a dozen times and it's starting not to make me laugh any more. But the popcorn is yummy (with lots of butter) and Tara's shoulder is comfortable to snuggle up to and it's good to have her here with me because she's a friend and she's always nice to me and besides Buffy would never let me stay here alone.

    And I'm a little embarrassed that I made such a stupid mistake but Tara says "Everyone screws up every now and then and you shouldn't worry about it, your timing was just off and nobody's perfect. But you've got to time it just right and you'll know that next time."

    So I ask Tara if she's hungry and she says yes and so I pick up the cell phone and order out, somebody should be here in a little while.

    And it sucks so bad that Tara and Willow broke up and I really don't want Tara to go away, because I really hate it when people leave me, even when they can't help it, and the movie makes so much sense because I bet Robin Williams really missed his dad all that time even though they fought. I wish Dad were here.

    And Tara strokes my hair and tells me it shouldn't be too long before Buffy comes back.

    It's really noisy outside and it sounds like somebody's fighting and I hear sirens but I'm sure it's got nothing to do with Buffy. Except maybe someone heard the Slayer was out of town and that might make trouble because it really did the last time she was gone. And that kinda makes me nervous, because, you know, demon bikers aren't exactly nice to little girls. But I'm sure it won't be them again because Buffy kicked their butts and killed a bunch of them and I doubt they'll be back in town soon.

    Xander is really quiet over on the other couch and his eyes are closed and I hope he dreams of Anya even though she's kind of a bitca sometimes because they're really good together.

    The movie is almost over and that's kind of depressing because we're running out of good DVDs and I don't know if we should go out without Buffy because Sunnydale's, y'know, kinda dangerous at night and sometimes even Buffy gets hurt.

    There are more sirens and I hope it wasn't something I said to somebody because it could get really rowdy out there and the police aren't exactly very good here. But I don't think I mentioned that Buffy would be gone and I don't think it's my fault.

    I ask Tara again about Willow and Tara says "It's not your fault and you shouldn't be ashamed of anything you did, you didn't do anything wrong, sometimes these things just happen." Tara's good that way; she forgives everybody...well, most of the time unless they really hurt her and you can't expect her to always forgive that. "I don't ever want you to be ashamed of yourself Dawn because that's just not good for a person trust me, I know."

    And the movie goes off and I ask Tara if she'll read some more of Lord of the Rings to me and of course I could read it myself but Tara's really nice to listen to and she's good with voices. It's funny how she never stutters when she's reading. And Tara's Gandalf impression is really good but I'm not sure I understand what Gandalf means.

    So Tara says, "There are all kinds of evil and all kinds of good and almost nobody starts out intending to be a bad person. Gandalf's afraid that he'll start bullying people to make them be good and then start hurting people to make them be good and finally just go on bullying and hurting because he's gotten to like it. That happens a lot when you judge people, believe me I know." And it's a good explanation, it makes sense out of a lot of things, and I wonder if Buffy could get like that. I hope not, because she's my sister and it sounds like a really bad way to be. And I hope she hurries up and comes back because it's starting to get awfully noisy outside and I'm wondering if something is really wrong.

    And I'm not sure I should tell Tara the truth about Willow, because she might get mad if I did. Tara doesn't get mad often but when she does it just makes it worse because you know you've hurt her a lot. But I think it will be okay.

    So I snuggle up against Tara and listen to her voice as she goes on reading Frodo and I'm sure nothing will happen to us even if something is really wrong in town. And hopefully the takeout guy will be here soon even though he probably shouldn't be because people in Sunnydale are really stupid, or something like that, or they'd all have left town a long time ago.

    Tara's shirt is fuzzy and soft and it feels nice and I wonder what things will be like without Willow around, I hope she won't be miserable all the time, like Willow lately or Spike after he lost Drusilla (who was crazy but I always wondered what it'd be like to meet her).

    Something smells kind of funky in here and I think it's coming from Xander's couch or maybe from the dining room where I left Willow. But it's actually not that bad a smell anymore, it's kind of neat.

    And the doorbell rings and I guess I look nervous because Tara says, "Don't worry, it's probably the takeout guy, and don't ever be embarrassed or ashamed because that's what happened to Spike. Sometimes if you hurt somebody enough they start being ashamed of what they are, and that's never good for you." Then she gets up and goes to the door.

    I think Spike will be proud of me, but I'm not sure, because Tara's right, he's been really different lately and I sort of feel sorry for him because he can't even defend himself. But he always brags about the cool stuff he's done.

    Xander twitches on the couch and for a moment I'm kinda hopeful but then I remember reading about how people's muscles go stiff when they're dead and I'm pretty sure that's all it is, and I wish I had been more careful and been faster with him. Like I was careful about Willow because I was afraid she and Tara might stay broken up and Willow might do something hurtful to her because Willow can be really mean when she's mad, so I just didn't let her have any. And it's kind of sad because she was my friend too, but Buffy's always reminding me I've got to be responsible. And anyway I was kinda hungry when she came in and I wasn't sure if it would make me hungry again to feed her. But of course I can't tell Tara that.

    And I wonder if Buffy is cold up on the bed where I left her (with the windows all shaded up just in case) in her cold bedroom because of course there was no point digging her a grave and anyway it was going to be daytime soon by the time she got home. She was really tired and I think someone had hurt her and I figured the bed would be nice to rest on even though I wasn't sure she'd feel it.

    And hopefully she'll come back soon.
    DeadWar: Burden of Proof
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