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Song-fic set post-Innocence
Touched
"Hi Mrs Summers," Willow greeted, as the door opened before her, "is Buffy home?"
"Yes she is, Willow," Joyce smiled in reply. "In her room, as usual," she added dryly.
"I'll see if I can get her out for you," replied Willow, the smile subtly fading from her face. Of course it was like this? because after Angel- well, after Angel.
Willow nodded firmly at her own thoughts as she moved past Buffy's mother and walked up the stairs. As she approached Buffy's room, the cheery beat of an 80's pop song hit her ears, and she turned around quickly, staring out in confusion.
Why?? was the only definitive statement that bubbled from her thoughts. Turning back around with steely resolve, Willow knocked on the door and entered before she had an answer.
And there her friend was, lying on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. The vocals of Blondie burst forth from the music track as Buffy started, sitting up to see Willow.
I love myself?
Willow could see the tear-stains on Buffy's eyes, the crying that would never go away. Willow thought that they seemed like a permanent feature to Buffy now, the purple and puffy tear marks?
I want you to love me?
The question that could be gleaned through Buffy's eyes was too apparent to Willow, ingrained deep within her. What are you doing here? Willow was used to the question, but not from Buffy.
When I feel down?
Willow had resolve. She was a friend, she was Buffy's friend, in all of the bad.
I want you above me?
"I, uh, I thought you got over this phase, Buffy," Willow stuttered, beginning on a weak note.
I search myself?
"What?" Buffy asked dully, and Willow knew that she wanted her out. It was all Angel? always Angel?
I want you to find me?
"The song," Willow smiled nervously, her voice raising ever-so-slightly in pitch as she finished her words.
I forget myself?
Buffy laughed weakly, and almost madly, as Willow saw another tear catch at the corner of her eye.
I want you to remind me?
"I guess something just brought it up, Wil," laughed Buffy, her voice cracking slightly.
"Buffy? I?" Willow started, trailing away as she realised what little she could actually say.
I don't want anybody else?
"What?" Buffy asked, staring at Willow, "do you get it? All these guys?"
When I think about you I touch myself?
"Do you lose them to vampires?" Buffy continued, pressing at Willow, "do they just? go?"
Ooh I don't want anybody else?
"I don't know what made me think of this song again?" Buffy sighed, lying back down against the pillow, blinking rapidly.
Oh no, oh no, oh no?
"I think you just said why?" answered Willow, a catch in her voice as she struggled to talk to Buffy.
"I guess I did?" Buffy whispered. She leaned up again, staring intently at Willow.
You're the one who makes me come runnin'?
"It must hurt not to have Xander, right?" Buffy pressed, "it must? suck?"
You're the sun who makes me shine?
"Well, I guess?" stated Willow, looking at Buffy with confusion in her eyes, "but? things are kinda going with Oz, and?"
When you're around I'm always laughin'?
"Well, it's not the same," Willow finished. Buffy shut her eyes tightly, seeming to shift backwards away from Willow.
I want to make you mine?
Buffy opened her eyes again, staring at Willow. "Come on? it's gotta? it has to- it's gotta be bad."
"It's not like? it isn't like you," realised Willow, looking Buffy in the eye. Buffy quickly averted her own eyes, staring down at the bed.
"You're not like me? of course," she whispered bitterly, "no one can be like Buffy."
I close my eyes and see you before me?
Willow got up and walked to Buffy's dresser as Buffy's eyes cautiously followed her, the tears beginning to slowly move downward to her cheeks.
Think I would die if you were to ignore me?
Willow reached out to a slightly open drawer and pulled out the Claddagh ring, gazing at it intently. Buffy started as she saw the object of Willow's glance.
A fool could see just how much I adore you?
"Don't- don't touch that," Buffy stuttered, wiping her eyes and leaning up to grab Willow's hand. Willow turned to face her, the ring still held between her fingers.
I'd get down on my knees, I'd do anything for you?
"I think you should be the one to look, Buffy," Willow said, but she put the Claddagh ring back in the drawer. "If you're going to fight him?"
I don't want anybody else?
"Vampires are liars?" Buffy said dully, staring off to the wall, "they- they?"
When I think about you I touch myself?
"So na?ve?" Buffy murmured.
"When you used to listen to this?" Willow asked, knowing it wasn't the answer.
Ooh I don't want anybody else?
"To think they wouldn't change? to think they wouldn't all just lie to me?"
Oh no, oh no, oh no?
"It's all because of me," Buffy sighed, lying back down, her head light on the pillow.
I want-
With a fumbling movement, Buffy reached across to switch off the music on the CD player.
"Buffy?" Willow asked nervously, sitting back down on the bed next to her friend.
"I kept wanting a happy ending?" Buffy whispered, "just me? and my guy."
"You'll get a happy ending, Buffy," Willow asserted, grabbing Buffy's hand. Buffy pulled away, rolling to one side on the bed, facing away from Willow.
"Vampires are? mean," Buffy pouted, her face invisible to Willow, "I don't want it to be all my fault?"
Standing up from where she sat, Willow moved to the door, a tear of her own streaking down her cheek to the floor. "I'll see you at school, Buffy," she managed, trying to sound cheerful, "you'll get s-so wrapped up in work that it'll all seem better."
As Willow stepped out of the door and shut it behind her, Buffy slowly turned and got up off the bed. Moving over to her dresser, she pulled out the Claddagh ring and stared at it, softly stroking it with her thumb. As she began to cry again, she closed her fist around the ring and made herself an empty promise so she could face the one she loved.
To never reach out and touch, and never be touched, again.
Touched
"Hi Mrs Summers," Willow greeted, as the door opened before her, "is Buffy home?"
"Yes she is, Willow," Joyce smiled in reply. "In her room, as usual," she added dryly.
"I'll see if I can get her out for you," replied Willow, the smile subtly fading from her face. Of course it was like this? because after Angel- well, after Angel.
Willow nodded firmly at her own thoughts as she moved past Buffy's mother and walked up the stairs. As she approached Buffy's room, the cheery beat of an 80's pop song hit her ears, and she turned around quickly, staring out in confusion.
Why?? was the only definitive statement that bubbled from her thoughts. Turning back around with steely resolve, Willow knocked on the door and entered before she had an answer.
And there her friend was, lying on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. The vocals of Blondie burst forth from the music track as Buffy started, sitting up to see Willow.
I love myself?
Willow could see the tear-stains on Buffy's eyes, the crying that would never go away. Willow thought that they seemed like a permanent feature to Buffy now, the purple and puffy tear marks?
I want you to love me?
The question that could be gleaned through Buffy's eyes was too apparent to Willow, ingrained deep within her. What are you doing here? Willow was used to the question, but not from Buffy.
When I feel down?
Willow had resolve. She was a friend, she was Buffy's friend, in all of the bad.
I want you above me?
"I, uh, I thought you got over this phase, Buffy," Willow stuttered, beginning on a weak note.
I search myself?
"What?" Buffy asked dully, and Willow knew that she wanted her out. It was all Angel? always Angel?
I want you to find me?
"The song," Willow smiled nervously, her voice raising ever-so-slightly in pitch as she finished her words.
I forget myself?
Buffy laughed weakly, and almost madly, as Willow saw another tear catch at the corner of her eye.
I want you to remind me?
"I guess something just brought it up, Wil," laughed Buffy, her voice cracking slightly.
"Buffy? I?" Willow started, trailing away as she realised what little she could actually say.
I don't want anybody else?
"What?" Buffy asked, staring at Willow, "do you get it? All these guys?"
When I think about you I touch myself?
"Do you lose them to vampires?" Buffy continued, pressing at Willow, "do they just? go?"
Ooh I don't want anybody else?
"I don't know what made me think of this song again?" Buffy sighed, lying back down against the pillow, blinking rapidly.
Oh no, oh no, oh no?
"I think you just said why?" answered Willow, a catch in her voice as she struggled to talk to Buffy.
"I guess I did?" Buffy whispered. She leaned up again, staring intently at Willow.
You're the one who makes me come runnin'?
"It must hurt not to have Xander, right?" Buffy pressed, "it must? suck?"
You're the sun who makes me shine?
"Well, I guess?" stated Willow, looking at Buffy with confusion in her eyes, "but? things are kinda going with Oz, and?"
When you're around I'm always laughin'?
"Well, it's not the same," Willow finished. Buffy shut her eyes tightly, seeming to shift backwards away from Willow.
I want to make you mine?
Buffy opened her eyes again, staring at Willow. "Come on? it's gotta? it has to- it's gotta be bad."
"It's not like? it isn't like you," realised Willow, looking Buffy in the eye. Buffy quickly averted her own eyes, staring down at the bed.
"You're not like me? of course," she whispered bitterly, "no one can be like Buffy."
I close my eyes and see you before me?
Willow got up and walked to Buffy's dresser as Buffy's eyes cautiously followed her, the tears beginning to slowly move downward to her cheeks.
Think I would die if you were to ignore me?
Willow reached out to a slightly open drawer and pulled out the Claddagh ring, gazing at it intently. Buffy started as she saw the object of Willow's glance.
A fool could see just how much I adore you?
"Don't- don't touch that," Buffy stuttered, wiping her eyes and leaning up to grab Willow's hand. Willow turned to face her, the ring still held between her fingers.
I'd get down on my knees, I'd do anything for you?
"I think you should be the one to look, Buffy," Willow said, but she put the Claddagh ring back in the drawer. "If you're going to fight him?"
I don't want anybody else?
"Vampires are liars?" Buffy said dully, staring off to the wall, "they- they?"
When I think about you I touch myself?
"So na?ve?" Buffy murmured.
"When you used to listen to this?" Willow asked, knowing it wasn't the answer.
Ooh I don't want anybody else?
"To think they wouldn't change? to think they wouldn't all just lie to me?"
Oh no, oh no, oh no?
"It's all because of me," Buffy sighed, lying back down, her head light on the pillow.
I want-
With a fumbling movement, Buffy reached across to switch off the music on the CD player.
"Buffy?" Willow asked nervously, sitting back down on the bed next to her friend.
"I kept wanting a happy ending?" Buffy whispered, "just me? and my guy."
"You'll get a happy ending, Buffy," Willow asserted, grabbing Buffy's hand. Buffy pulled away, rolling to one side on the bed, facing away from Willow.
"Vampires are? mean," Buffy pouted, her face invisible to Willow, "I don't want it to be all my fault?"
Standing up from where she sat, Willow moved to the door, a tear of her own streaking down her cheek to the floor. "I'll see you at school, Buffy," she managed, trying to sound cheerful, "you'll get s-so wrapped up in work that it'll all seem better."
As Willow stepped out of the door and shut it behind her, Buffy slowly turned and got up off the bed. Moving over to her dresser, she pulled out the Claddagh ring and stared at it, softly stroking it with her thumb. As she began to cry again, she closed her fist around the ring and made herself an empty promise so she could face the one she loved.
To never reach out and touch, and never be touched, again.