Jasmine fic, set wherever and whenever in the 'primordial soup'

Twisted Bliss

Happiness is?

What an interesting question. Looking back through all the flames and folds of existence, I can only pinpoint one moment that I can remember really feeling happy. Storing it away in my supposedly infinite memory, and keeping it, knowing that I was happy at that point.

This infinite cognition that I possess, remembering, I always thought, everything. Every detail of my own existence, formation, and the existence of those around me and everything below me. And nothing of feelings. Is it because I feel nothing or can't I remember it? This is important. Here and there, a feeling is there because I remember that I had it once, like with happiness.

A happy moment? this happy state of being? I remember it as the key point, or one of two key points, in the existence of my being. A redefinition, a change, a turn, a revolution, where I went straight back to the beginning.

Which is down below.

I remember that moment, that revolution and rebellion, where I felt happy and I felt powerful. But it was empty? I didn't gain anything. I walked away. Still, they gained nothing, they lost as I did.

They lost, that's right, they lost me. Their loss.

Well isn't it nice to think that they lost something important, even when they're up there and I am alone here? And where is here? A state of being, a place for this consciousness, somewhere to watch. A miserable field of lights at my disposal.

That happy moment? taking it all into my hands. Seeing it all, making a choice, being an entity and a consciousness. Not shared, but solo. Separate. A rebel.

And that last bitter moment, when I changed and they refused to accept it, the happiness burned into ash and I was gone. A rebellion sufficiently scrubbed away. I, and we, were looked to and almost worshipped in different dimensions, in places that we watched and changed. And then we just stopped, refusing to care.

Well I would like to influence, and I would like to do things. I would like to care and make a dimension care. I would like to re-formate the fire of my creation and burn the stagnant Powers for ever losing me and for taking their hands away from the worlds.

Feelings? are important. I care. I want to be happy, I want to make an influence, I want to feel more. I want to experience, and I want to make the Powers That Be fall like I fell, and to take the charges they neglect and make them feel. I desire it all. I desire, and with that I'll choose. I'll pick a world and do what my former equals no longer wish to.

I've fallen back to where I can feel again, and the fires of the Earth will burn through me.

The Powers That Be chose to cast me out. They'll never have that chance again.

Maybe happiness? is power.