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Authors' Note: First of all, thanks to the talented Cassandra Clare, author of the original Very Secret Diaries of the Lord of the Rings characters, for giving us permission to use her idea.
Second, the numbering of the days has little to do with the actual passage of time. It is basically just saying which entry we're on. We are too lazy to work out the chronology of the episodes, and the subsequent entries of all the characters. Deal with it.
Third, this is set during season 3. Other diaries to follow.
Finally, we hope you enjoy "The Very Secret Diaries...on the Hellmouth!" by myself and my co-author Sara. Feedback (PM me) would be greatly appreciated.
Angel: Days of Our Unlives
Day One
Ow. Must brood.
Day Two
The floor is cold. Am naked.
Day Three
Pants.
Day Four
So sorry about the last entries. Was chained to a wall, incoherent and v. bestial. Now more coherent, less bestial. Chains still there though.
I think I shall brood on chains, eternal torment, and the love of my life for a bit. Won't take long, as may all be the same thing.
Day Five
Buffy brought blood today. And dumped me. What kind of a name is Scott, anyway? Loser. I think lurking is in order.
(later...)
Lurking paid off. Saw Scott dump Buffy. Yay!
Ooh. That was happiness. V. bad. Must brood.
Day Six
Lurked a bit, brooded some. Think I'm getting better. V. easy to go back to old hobbies, like riding a bicycle. Never forget a good brood.
Day Seven
Tried that tai chi thing I learned during the Boxer Rebellion. Worked v. nicely...Buffy stayed a full five minutes this time. Best thing about Boxer Rebellion was learning tai chi...Spike was so jealous. Always got me the girls...
On other note, have begun work on magnum opus as way to pass time between tai chi, five minutes with Buffy, and bouts of brooding.
Day Eight
Tai chi no good. Buffy wants to break up again. I think. But we almost kissed, for a second- does that make us dating again?
(later...)
Buffy's in trouble, darn it. Have to go destroy arm of Lagos. Suspect this might interfere with my brooding schedule.
Day Nine
Trying to fix window. Other slayer (not Buffy) broke it. Fixing it is a bit difficult, as is day and have no curtains.
Day Ten (in Spike's handwriting!)
Poured gallon of nancy-boy hair gel onto my head until looking sufficiently sexy and tormented, with v. v. stupid hair. Strutted around town like I owned it for a bit. I'm such a poofter I just have to kill myself.
Day Eleven
Have no recollection of writing last entry. Perhaps all this brooding is going to my head. On other note, am out of hair gel.
Day Twelve
Been having the weirdest dreams. Wonder if Spike had time to put something in my blood before he left town.
On plus side, dream about the tap dancing doll that came to life as the reincarnated soul of its owner's recently deceased lover v. inspirational for magnum opus.
Day Thirteen
Magnum opus progressing nicely. Hope someday to see it on the small screen. Have purchased television expressly for this purpose.
Day Fourteen
Today's Buffy's birthday. Marked it special on my calendar so i wouldn't forget. Put my calender next to my hair gel so I wouldn't lose it. V. effective strategy. Never lose my hair gel.
(later...)
Gave Buffy poetry book with the best scenes from m.o. tucked in the binding. Was quite nervous to see her reaction. She said she liked arm-in-a-box better. V. dissapointed. Not like her, as scenes were v. well written.
She's probably having a bad day.
Day Fifteen
Big apocalypse yesterday. V. distracting. Had fantastic idea for m.o. It was dramatic and passionate, I almost wrote some great music to play in the background, but forgot all of it. Too busy arguing with Buffy.
Day Sixteen
Other slayer having bad effect on Buffy. Keeping her out at night. Must teach Buffy to brood.
Day Seventeen
V. odd. 2 Willows, and 1 an evil twin. Almost exact plotpoint from my m.o. Knew I should've gotten that copyrighted.
Day Eighteen
Oz helped me set up television in mansion. Do not get cable, but found v. intriguing show called Passions.
Day Nineteen
V. disturbed. Must write angry letter to producers of Passions, as suspect they have been doing some lurking of their own. Plot in which young man of unknown parenthood falls in love with young woman who may be his sister (while other girl who may be his sister falls in love with him) taken almost directly from pages of my own m.o.
Day Twenty
Faith got blood on favorite shirt. Used to be perfect for brooding. Could brood with blood, but just sounds silly.
Oh, and Buffy dumped me again.
Day Twenty-One
Buffy's invited me to Prom. Wants me to wear a tux. But so hard to find one that fits right. And I'd have to buy more hair gel... I think I'll say no.
Day Twenty-Two
Dreampt Buffy on fire. V. pretty. Suddenly miss Lagos... need new arm to burn.
Wore tux in dream. Looked v. sexy and tormented...maybe I'll go to Prom after all.
Day Twenty-Three
Showed Buffy m.o., asked whether I should send it to UPN or WB. Didn't get an answer.
Day Twenty-Four
Buffy still reading m.o., refuses to tell me what she thinks. V. frusturating.
Day Twenty-Five
Buffy asked today if the scoobies could use m.o. when fighting the mayor. I said to read the scene where Delilah recovers from amnesia and realizes she's been sleeping with the man who works the icecream cart by her work. V. powerful. Brings me to tears every time. Buffy said it might bring the mayor to tears, too, only in a different way.
Don't get her meaning there.
Day Twenty-Six
Got her meaning.
Hey!
Day Twenty-Seven
Buffy and I aren't working out. I think this break-up's the real deal. Must leave town. Perhaps Hawaii? Never been there.
Day Twenty-Eight
On second thought, Hawaii too...what's the word...sunny. Thinking LA now. Buffy was there this summer, said it's v. miserable. Sounds like my kinda place.
Day Twenty-Nine
Mentioned plan to move to Los Angeles to Willy the Snitch. Willy said it was fitting. Told him I agreed, as I was v. miserable without the love of my life. Willy made little sound in back of throat. Suspect he may have been laughing at me. Don't know what was so funny. Don't like Willy v. much. Will not be sending him Christmas card this year.
Second, the numbering of the days has little to do with the actual passage of time. It is basically just saying which entry we're on. We are too lazy to work out the chronology of the episodes, and the subsequent entries of all the characters. Deal with it.
Third, this is set during season 3. Other diaries to follow.
Finally, we hope you enjoy "The Very Secret Diaries...on the Hellmouth!" by myself and my co-author Sara. Feedback (PM me) would be greatly appreciated.
Angel: Days of Our Unlives
Day One
Ow. Must brood.
Day Two
The floor is cold. Am naked.
Day Three
Pants.
Day Four
So sorry about the last entries. Was chained to a wall, incoherent and v. bestial. Now more coherent, less bestial. Chains still there though.
I think I shall brood on chains, eternal torment, and the love of my life for a bit. Won't take long, as may all be the same thing.
Day Five
Buffy brought blood today. And dumped me. What kind of a name is Scott, anyway? Loser. I think lurking is in order.
(later...)
Lurking paid off. Saw Scott dump Buffy. Yay!
Ooh. That was happiness. V. bad. Must brood.
Day Six
Lurked a bit, brooded some. Think I'm getting better. V. easy to go back to old hobbies, like riding a bicycle. Never forget a good brood.
Day Seven
Tried that tai chi thing I learned during the Boxer Rebellion. Worked v. nicely...Buffy stayed a full five minutes this time. Best thing about Boxer Rebellion was learning tai chi...Spike was so jealous. Always got me the girls...
On other note, have begun work on magnum opus as way to pass time between tai chi, five minutes with Buffy, and bouts of brooding.
Day Eight
Tai chi no good. Buffy wants to break up again. I think. But we almost kissed, for a second- does that make us dating again?
(later...)
Buffy's in trouble, darn it. Have to go destroy arm of Lagos. Suspect this might interfere with my brooding schedule.
Day Nine
Trying to fix window. Other slayer (not Buffy) broke it. Fixing it is a bit difficult, as is day and have no curtains.
Day Ten (in Spike's handwriting!)
Poured gallon of nancy-boy hair gel onto my head until looking sufficiently sexy and tormented, with v. v. stupid hair. Strutted around town like I owned it for a bit. I'm such a poofter I just have to kill myself.
Day Eleven
Have no recollection of writing last entry. Perhaps all this brooding is going to my head. On other note, am out of hair gel.
Day Twelve
Been having the weirdest dreams. Wonder if Spike had time to put something in my blood before he left town.
On plus side, dream about the tap dancing doll that came to life as the reincarnated soul of its owner's recently deceased lover v. inspirational for magnum opus.
Day Thirteen
Magnum opus progressing nicely. Hope someday to see it on the small screen. Have purchased television expressly for this purpose.
Day Fourteen
Today's Buffy's birthday. Marked it special on my calendar so i wouldn't forget. Put my calender next to my hair gel so I wouldn't lose it. V. effective strategy. Never lose my hair gel.
(later...)
Gave Buffy poetry book with the best scenes from m.o. tucked in the binding. Was quite nervous to see her reaction. She said she liked arm-in-a-box better. V. dissapointed. Not like her, as scenes were v. well written.
She's probably having a bad day.
Day Fifteen
Big apocalypse yesterday. V. distracting. Had fantastic idea for m.o. It was dramatic and passionate, I almost wrote some great music to play in the background, but forgot all of it. Too busy arguing with Buffy.
Day Sixteen
Other slayer having bad effect on Buffy. Keeping her out at night. Must teach Buffy to brood.
Day Seventeen
V. odd. 2 Willows, and 1 an evil twin. Almost exact plotpoint from my m.o. Knew I should've gotten that copyrighted.
Day Eighteen
Oz helped me set up television in mansion. Do not get cable, but found v. intriguing show called Passions.
Day Nineteen
V. disturbed. Must write angry letter to producers of Passions, as suspect they have been doing some lurking of their own. Plot in which young man of unknown parenthood falls in love with young woman who may be his sister (while other girl who may be his sister falls in love with him) taken almost directly from pages of my own m.o.
Day Twenty
Faith got blood on favorite shirt. Used to be perfect for brooding. Could brood with blood, but just sounds silly.
Oh, and Buffy dumped me again.
Day Twenty-One
Buffy's invited me to Prom. Wants me to wear a tux. But so hard to find one that fits right. And I'd have to buy more hair gel... I think I'll say no.
Day Twenty-Two
Dreampt Buffy on fire. V. pretty. Suddenly miss Lagos... need new arm to burn.
Wore tux in dream. Looked v. sexy and tormented...maybe I'll go to Prom after all.
Day Twenty-Three
Showed Buffy m.o., asked whether I should send it to UPN or WB. Didn't get an answer.
Day Twenty-Four
Buffy still reading m.o., refuses to tell me what she thinks. V. frusturating.
Day Twenty-Five
Buffy asked today if the scoobies could use m.o. when fighting the mayor. I said to read the scene where Delilah recovers from amnesia and realizes she's been sleeping with the man who works the icecream cart by her work. V. powerful. Brings me to tears every time. Buffy said it might bring the mayor to tears, too, only in a different way.
Don't get her meaning there.
Day Twenty-Six
Got her meaning.
Hey!
Day Twenty-Seven
Buffy and I aren't working out. I think this break-up's the real deal. Must leave town. Perhaps Hawaii? Never been there.
Day Twenty-Eight
On second thought, Hawaii too...what's the word...sunny. Thinking LA now. Buffy was there this summer, said it's v. miserable. Sounds like my kinda place.
Day Twenty-Nine
Mentioned plan to move to Los Angeles to Willy the Snitch. Willy said it was fitting. Told him I agreed, as I was v. miserable without the love of my life. Willy made little sound in back of throat. Suspect he may have been laughing at me. Don't know what was so funny. Don't like Willy v. much. Will not be sending him Christmas card this year.
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