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  • The Very Secret Diaries...on the Hellmouth!

    Authors' Note: First of all, thanks to the talented Cassandra Clare, author of the original Very Secret Diaries of the Lord of the Rings characters, for giving us permission to use her idea.

    Second, the numbering of the days has little to do with the actual passage of time. It is basically just saying which entry we're on. We are too lazy to work out the chronology of the episodes, and the subsequent entries of all the characters. Deal with it.

    Third, this is set during season 3. Other diaries to follow.

    Finally, we hope you enjoy "The Very Secret Diaries...on the Hellmouth!" by myself and my co-author Sara. Feedback (PM me) would be greatly appreciated.

    Angel: Days of Our Unlives

    Day One
    Ow. Must brood.

    Day Two
    The floor is cold. Am naked.

    Day Three
    Pants.

    Day Four
    So sorry about the last entries. Was chained to a wall, incoherent and v. bestial. Now more coherent, less bestial. Chains still there though.
    I think I shall brood on chains, eternal torment, and the love of my life for a bit. Won't take long, as may all be the same thing.

    Day Five
    Buffy brought blood today. And dumped me. What kind of a name is Scott, anyway? Loser. I think lurking is in order.

    (later...)
    Lurking paid off. Saw Scott dump Buffy. Yay!
    Ooh. That was happiness. V. bad. Must brood.

    Day Six
    Lurked a bit, brooded some. Think I'm getting better. V. easy to go back to old hobbies, like riding a bicycle. Never forget a good brood.

    Day Seven
    Tried that tai chi thing I learned during the Boxer Rebellion. Worked v. nicely...Buffy stayed a full five minutes this time. Best thing about Boxer Rebellion was learning tai chi...Spike was so jealous. Always got me the girls...

    On other note, have begun work on magnum opus as way to pass time between tai chi, five minutes with Buffy, and bouts of brooding.

    Day Eight
    Tai chi no good. Buffy wants to break up again. I think. But we almost kissed, for a second- does that make us dating again?

    (later...)
    Buffy's in trouble, darn it. Have to go destroy arm of Lagos. Suspect this might interfere with my brooding schedule.

    Day Nine
    Trying to fix window. Other slayer (not Buffy) broke it. Fixing it is a bit difficult, as is day and have no curtains.

    Day Ten (in Spike's handwriting!)
    Poured gallon of nancy-boy hair gel onto my head until looking sufficiently sexy and tormented, with v. v. stupid hair. Strutted around town like I owned it for a bit. I'm such a poofter I just have to kill myself.

    Day Eleven
    Have no recollection of writing last entry. Perhaps all this brooding is going to my head. On other note, am out of hair gel.

    Day Twelve
    Been having the weirdest dreams. Wonder if Spike had time to put something in my blood before he left town.

    On plus side, dream about the tap dancing doll that came to life as the reincarnated soul of its owner's recently deceased lover v. inspirational for magnum opus.

    Day Thirteen
    Magnum opus progressing nicely. Hope someday to see it on the small screen. Have purchased television expressly for this purpose.

    Day Fourteen
    Today's Buffy's birthday. Marked it special on my calendar so i wouldn't forget. Put my calender next to my hair gel so I wouldn't lose it. V. effective strategy. Never lose my hair gel.

    (later...)
    Gave Buffy poetry book with the best scenes from m.o. tucked in the binding. Was quite nervous to see her reaction. She said she liked arm-in-a-box better. V. dissapointed. Not like her, as scenes were v. well written.

    She's probably having a bad day.

    Day Fifteen
    Big apocalypse yesterday. V. distracting. Had fantastic idea for m.o. It was dramatic and passionate, I almost wrote some great music to play in the background, but forgot all of it. Too busy arguing with Buffy.

    Day Sixteen
    Other slayer having bad effect on Buffy. Keeping her out at night. Must teach Buffy to brood.

    Day Seventeen
    V. odd. 2 Willows, and 1 an evil twin. Almost exact plotpoint from my m.o. Knew I should've gotten that copyrighted.

    Day Eighteen
    Oz helped me set up television in mansion. Do not get cable, but found v. intriguing show called Passions.

    Day Nineteen
    V. disturbed. Must write angry letter to producers of Passions, as suspect they have been doing some lurking of their own. Plot in which young man of unknown parenthood falls in love with young woman who may be his sister (while other girl who may be his sister falls in love with him) taken almost directly from pages of my own m.o.

    Day Twenty
    Faith got blood on favorite shirt. Used to be perfect for brooding. Could brood with blood, but just sounds silly.

    Oh, and Buffy dumped me again.

    Day Twenty-One
    Buffy's invited me to Prom. Wants me to wear a tux. But so hard to find one that fits right. And I'd have to buy more hair gel... I think I'll say no.

    Day Twenty-Two
    Dreampt Buffy on fire. V. pretty. Suddenly miss Lagos... need new arm to burn.
    Wore tux in dream. Looked v. sexy and tormented...maybe I'll go to Prom after all.

    Day Twenty-Three
    Showed Buffy m.o., asked whether I should send it to UPN or WB. Didn't get an answer.

    Day Twenty-Four
    Buffy still reading m.o., refuses to tell me what she thinks. V. frusturating.

    Day Twenty-Five
    Buffy asked today if the scoobies could use m.o. when fighting the mayor. I said to read the scene where Delilah recovers from amnesia and realizes she's been sleeping with the man who works the icecream cart by her work. V. powerful. Brings me to tears every time. Buffy said it might bring the mayor to tears, too, only in a different way.

    Don't get her meaning there.

    Day Twenty-Six
    Got her meaning.

    Hey!

    Day Twenty-Seven
    Buffy and I aren't working out. I think this break-up's the real deal. Must leave town. Perhaps Hawaii? Never been there.

    Day Twenty-Eight
    On second thought, Hawaii too...what's the word...sunny. Thinking LA now. Buffy was there this summer, said it's v. miserable. Sounds like my kinda place.

    Day Twenty-Nine
    Mentioned plan to move to Los Angeles to Willy the Snitch. Willy said it was fitting. Told him I agreed, as I was v. miserable without the love of my life. Willy made little sound in back of throat. Suspect he may have been laughing at me. Don't know what was so funny. Don't like Willy v. much. Will not be sending him Christmas card this year.
    "Day Six: Lurked a bit, brooded some. Think I'm getting better. V. easy to go back to old hobbies, like riding a bicycle. Never forget a good brood." (Angel: Days of our Unlives)
    The Very Secret Diaries...on the Hellmouth!

  • #2
    Oz: The Human Diary of a Teenage Werewolf
    Note: Again, the "days" for the entries are a way of separating entries and do not actually correspond with the time frame of Buffy season 3. You'll live.
    Feedback: Always appreciated.

    Day One
    Missed another vamp last night. That trick only works in movies.

    Day Two
    Willow less pleased by my presence at school than had expected. Thought she'd like a slacker boyfriend who sleeps through classes and yet manages to challenge her academically despite all odds. That and potential making out time. Also thought she'd noticed when I didn't go to summer school.

    Day Three
    Wolf sense is wacky... I smell a hootenanny. And dead cat.

    Day Four
    Found dead cat, suggested we name it Patches. Name choice not approved by group.

    Day Five
    Mom borrowed chains from my closet. Said something about uncontrollable urges. Damn, didn't think she was figuring it out.

    Day Six
    I might have eaten someone. Faith's standing watch. Hope she doesn't mind nudity with her morning.

    Something tells me it won't be an issue.

    Day Seven
    Mom ate a ton of that band candy stuff and then asked about my day.

    Willow and the others warned that candy was making adults act weird, but I just wasn't prepared for anything like this.

    Day Eight
    Living flame v. pretty, v. hypnotic. Almost like moon.

    Oh, and getting sucked into hell with a sword through your chest--not as fatal as you might think.

    Day Nine
    Willow's gone. Wonder if all that bowling tough talk was a lie... Too bad. I'm pretty good.

    Day Ten
    Willow and I seem to be over. Don't know what to say--thought that we had a meaningful, steady relationship. Also didn't think life-threatening situations turned Willow on. That's not why she would offer to wait by my cage, is it? On other note, close to getting that E flat diminished 9th.

    Day Eleven
    E flat diminished 9th will have to wait, going over to Willow's later. We seem to be doing a teenage drama thing. It's confusing.

    Later...
    Turned down Willow-in-red-dress-with Barry White background music for pajama party, complete with feather boa and the theme from A Summer Place. Guess this means we're back together.

    Day Twelve
    Willow almost burnt at stake. Instead I'm supposed to go over her house for dinner next week. Fair trade.

    Day Thirteen
    Think I'd prefer being burnt at stake to Willow's mother.

    Day Fourteen
    Buffy gets to go to an ice show. Not fair. Ice is cool; it's water, but it's not.

    Day Fifteen
    Apocalypse last night. Feel strangely full today.

    Day Sixteen
    Uncle Ken bringing Cousin Jordy to visit for the weekend.

    Day Seventeen
    Strangest day of my life. Willow turned into not-Willow then back into Willow, just Willow-in-not-Willow-outfit. After having my heart ripped out and stomped on by very existence of not-Willow, found out that not-Willow was Willow from other dimension. And possibly gay.

    Mom wondered why Cousin Jordy kept howling last night. Uncle Ken said he's teething. Looks more like fanging to me.

    Day Eighteen
    Managed to sneak away from Jordy for a day. This really isn't a two-werewolf town.

    Helped Angel set up TV. He must be tired of brooding if he's resorting to daytime soaps.

    Day Nineteen
    Faith's evil. Mayor's evil. Angel's evil. Sensing a pattern.

    Day Twenty
    Buffy's psychic. Angel's not evil, but lunch lady is.

    Day Twenty-One
    Smashed something today. Should try it more often. In other news, Willow's not going to england, and I'm not repeating senior year again.

    Day Twenty-Two
    Hell hounds attacking prom. Buffy says we party.

    Day Twenty-Three
    Suggested we attack the mayor with hummus. Told Cordelia just trying to keep things in perspective, but the more I think about it, the better it sounds. We'd need to import the chickpeas, though... Sunnydale's not big on the Middle Eastern cusine.

    Day Twenty-Four
    Things looking up. Found hummus supplier in LA. Now all we need is a gigantic bucket, some string, and a conveniently placed door...

    Later...
    Damn. Buffy perfected her plan first. Now what will I do with 200 lbs hummus?

    Day Twenty-Five
    Panicking with Willow so much better than panicking by myself.

    Day Twenty-Six
    Willow showed me Angel's manuscript. Pure art. Just can't look at him the same way anymore.

    Partly because he's in LA now.
    "Day Six: Lurked a bit, brooded some. Think I'm getting better. V. easy to go back to old hobbies, like riding a bicycle. Never forget a good brood." (Angel: Days of our Unlives)
    The Very Secret Diaries...on the Hellmouth!

    Comment


    • #3
      Buffy: Slayers Rule, Vampires Drool...No, really. It's gross.

      Day One
      Thought LA was glamorous. SO wrong. Checkered aprons--'nuff said. I suspect demons.

      Day Two
      What's-her-face looked at me funny when I was doing a Ghandi impression today. He was that Viking, right? The one that discovered Greenland? .... Maybe I shouldn't have slept through history last year... and the year before...

      Day Three
      Friends threw welcome home party with zombies. Lousy friends. Zombies so gross, gore stains so hard to wash out.

      Day Four
      Remind me why I wanted to go back to school?

      Day Five
      Don't like new girl, Faith. V. annoying. Stole slayer bit. And might be prettier than me.

      On other hand, she seems to be a slut.

      Day Six
      Found naked + insane Angel. V. frightening, but not as frightening as how quickly I found those chains.

      Later...
      Cordelia SO not as pretty as me. Not bad with a spatula though.

      Day Eight
      Hate Ethan Rayne. Hate parents. WISH I hated chocolate--so bad for complexion. but I don't, it's too yummy.

      Day Nine
      Faith got a new watcher. Didn't think it was possible to wear outfits worse than tweed.

      Speaking of Giles, he's being all weird--just because I didn't tell him my sometimes-psychotic sometimes-boyfriend who killed his girlfriend and then tortured him has come back from the dead is no reason to get all pissy...

      Maybe it's the tweed.

      Day Ten
      You know you're having a bad day when you take romantic advice from Spike. Sad drunk NOT flattering on him.

      Day Eleven
      Just because we're broken up Angel thinks it's ok to be more interested in dead people than in me. Feel pout coming on.

      Day Twelve
      Mom almost burned me at stake today. Felt a little better after staking Hansel and Gretel.

      Day Thirteen
      Ok, so not only did Dad ditch me and my ice show, he got tickets to "Little Mermaid on Ice." Again. I've been watching that Flounder actor dance around to "Under the Sea" since he was in his late forties...now I'm just scared for his health.

      Oh, and Angel gave me this weird book with this script inside. Didn't think he watched TV... I mean, that'd be like 200 years worth of reruns.

      V. disturbed. He needs to get out more.

      Day Fourteen
      Giles got fired. After he nearly got me and Mom killed I'd say it was fair, but nobody deserves to be stuck as a librarian.

      Day Fifteen
      Big-time apocalypse again tonight.

      Wonder if I have time to fix my hair.

      Day Sixteen
      Faith chick not so bad...crime super-sexy, though handcuffs not quite the image I was going for.

      Day Seventeen
      Partying went downhill in a girls-gone-wild-with-weaponry kinda way. On the up side, now I can live pleather free.

      Day Eighteen
      Thought Willow was over the whole me-and-Faith thing. But no, and she just HAD to bring back the pleather. From another dimension no less--there has to be an easier way to make a statement.

      Angel was so sweet. he was really upset for Will. Only he kept muttering something about copyright infringement. That was weird.

      Day Ninteen
      Angel considerably less sweet when going pscho-killer. Even if he was faking it. I think it's that time of the month again...

      Later...

      Um, the time of the month when Angel and I break up.

      That was obvious, right?

      Day Twenty
      Psychic! V. fun to know what people think. Well, except Giles (what does he know about fashion, anyway? stupid British guy). Well, and Xander (ew). And Cordelia (honestly, could anyone be more ditsy? If I have to hear about her split ends one more time...)

      Later...
      Still psychic.
      Ow.
      OW!
      People think too much.

      Day Twenty-One
      SPLIT ENDS! Must be demons.

      Later...

      Have tried shampoo, conditioner, hairspray and some of Angel's hair gel. All at once. Split ends v. resilient. Cannot cope. Am leaving sunnydale.

      Day Twenty-Two
      Have to stay in Sunnydale or else evil mayor will take over world. Drat. Stupid politicians.

      Day Twenty-Three
      What's the point of a stupid brooding boyfriend if he won't take you to your senior prom? Really, how hard is it to find a tux?

      Day Twenty-Four
      Angel gave me another script. V. confused. Aren't moody boyfriends supposed to write songs? Or stalker poetry? I mean, this script has a tap-dancing puppet... It's official. Angel has the WORST taste in gifts.

      Would prefer a mix tape.

      Day Twenty-Five
      Angel looked v. sexy and tormented in tux. Hell hounds bit of a downer though, as crazy Tucker trained them to attack the fashionable--seriously, what's up with that? Must be v. crazy to want to kill pretty people.

      V. worried about angel. Just can't look at him the same way.

      Day Twenty-Six
      Part in script about doll-eroticism made me hurl. Then slayer dream gave me v. brilliant idea to destroy mayor. Even giant snakes can hurl. I think. Didn't cover that in Bio, or maybe I was asleep.

      Day Twenty-Seven
      Angel thinks m.o. can make mayor weep--must agree there.

      Day Twenty-Eight
      Angel not as smart as I thought, though still sexy and brooding. I, on other hand, much smarter than I knew. Doll-sex and amnesiac-Delilah-sex passages killed mayor-snake's brain, just as anticipated. (yay!)

      As Xander says, must be done with the book learning. On to college!

      We love feedback.
      "Day Six: Lurked a bit, brooded some. Think I'm getting better. V. easy to go back to old hobbies, like riding a bicycle. Never forget a good brood." (Angel: Days of our Unlives)
      The Very Secret Diaries...on the Hellmouth!

      Comment


      • #4
        The Xander Chronicles

        Day One

        Miss Buffy. Missed another vamp last night. There's a whole ugly missing theme going on.

        Day Two

        Code names = awesome; Cordelia turned on by nighthawk! In other news, zombies missed Buffy too.

        Day Three

        Buffy should go easier on Faith. The more sexy slayer action Sunnydale sees, the better, I always say. And Faith sure is... GOOD AT FIGHTING THOSE VAMPIRES.

        Sorry about that. Cordelia trying to sneak a peek at the Xander chronicles. Cordy's got a mean jealous streak when it comes to naked wrestling. And alligators.

        Day Four

        Fell asleep last night on Oz watch, but shouldn't be a big deal. Had the strangest dream though - Angel was back from Hell and feral. And pantsless. V. awkward.

        Day Five

        Called Cousin Rigby to arrange tux pick-up. Sure they shun us and all, but this whole I'm-leaving-the-suit-in-a-plastic-bag-under-a-bush-on-Main-Street seems a little ridiculous. Could at least drop it on Revello.

        Day Six

        Mmm, chocolate...Buffy's mom is kinda hot.

        Day Seven

        Saw Buffy making out with Angel. Makes no sense. Well, if my dream was prophetic and Angel had returned from Hell feral and pantsless, right around the time I was not watching Oz not attack people it would make sense. But Angel had pants on when he was making out with Buffy. Right?

        He better have had pants on...

        Day Eight

        Willow and I made out in warehouse. Score! Cordy not too happy. Just jealous we never made out in warehouse.

        Day Nine

        Cordy taking jealousy bit too far. Saw her making out with another guy. Think we can get back together again? ...Would try love spell, but Amy said no.

        Day Ten

        White Christmas in California...and it wasn't a sign of the apocalypse!

        In other news, Buffy convinced Dead Boy not to kill himself. Pity.

        Day Eleven

        Crawled through ventilation shaft and almost saved damsels in distress. Think I'm getting closer to actually being cool.

        Day Twelve

        Sticky peanut butter jars are my kryptonite. My RED kryptonite.

        Day Thirteen

        Apocalypse tonight and I'm not invited! At least dead guys think I'm cool.

        Later...

        Had sex! With Faith! Realize what this means? Can finally cross 'get laid' off list of things to do before I die. Next: Drive to all 50 states, motorboat to Costa Rica.

        Day Fourteen

        Either deep post-sex connection shared with Faith seems to be more imaginary than I thought, or she wanted to introduce some new "fun" to our relationship. Buffy said Faith was kinky, but I didn't get it. Um, until now.

        Day Fifteen

        Speaking of kinky, dominatrix Willow! Oz getting luckier than I thought. Wish we had gone farther in warehouse.

        Day Sixteen

        Angel evil. I TOLD YOU SO.

        Day Seventeen

        What the hell is a mulligan? HEY, I just went 30 seconds without thinking about sex or--Damn! Linoleum!

        Day Eighteen

        Who needs college anyway? Have decided to take up life on the road, as car attracted sexy blonde before.
        Car also attracted dead guys, but hoping Kerouac might ward away unpoetic souls.

        Day Nineteen

        Agreed to go to prom with demon Anya. Hot bod aside, perhaps should have stuck with Sock Puppet of Love. SPoL may be jealous type, but lacks successful history of maiming/disfiguring hundreds and hundreds of men...

        Day Twenty

        Buffy has plan to defeat mayor. Something about Angel and a script, but stopped listening after she said I was key guy. Take that, Dead Boy!

        Day Twenty-One

        Being key-guy sheds whole new light on apocalypse situation.

        Oh god, we're gonna die.

        At least I got laid first.
        ~~~
        We love feedback
        "Day Six: Lurked a bit, brooded some. Think I'm getting better. V. easy to go back to old hobbies, like riding a bicycle. Never forget a good brood." (Angel: Days of our Unlives)
        The Very Secret Diaries...on the Hellmouth!

        Comment


        • #5
          Giles: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Apocalypse(s)
          Note: I can't figure out how to do strike through on this website, so I'm putting dashes around the text that is supposed to be struck through. Sorry for the confusion.


          Day One
          Dear Watchers,
          Slayer: not here at the moment.
          Vampires: here.
          Slayerettes: still alive.

          Day Two
          Dear Watchers,
          Slayer: present and accounted for!
          Also present: zombies. (Bloody Americans...)

          Day Three
          Dear Watchers,
          -Right now you're all probably roasting marshmallows in the Cotswolds. In case you forgot, I like marshmallows v. much. AND I also have been known to enjoy a hike. Did I forget to mention the hiking to anyone?-
          Slayer: perhaps a tad bitter at appearance of new slayer (Kendra's replacement--was there a memo?)
          Me: NOT making a clucking sound with my tongue.

          Day Four
          Dear Watchers,
          Could be the near death experiences or the tranquilizer in my hip speaking, but might it be time to amend the insurance policy?

          Day Five
          Dear Watchers,
          It may be the head trauma speaking, but the health care leaves something to be desired.

          Day Six
          Dear Wankers,
          Why are you reading this? Can't get your thrills elsewhere? Sod off!
          (Slayer's mum is bloody hot, especially with handcuffs.)

          Day Seven
          Dear Watchers,
          Slayer: recalcitrant.
          Local cold-blooded killers who find chainsaw torture a cute hobby: plus one.

          Later...

          Other Slayer: also recalcitrant.
          Gwendolyn Post: not a Watcher. Also dead. Where was that memo? Am I still on the mailing list???

          Day Eight
          Dear Watchers,
          Slayer: smarter than I thought. V. proud. Could go far--we'll talk logistics later.
          Me: going on a hiking retreat of my own! Ha!

          Day Nine
          Dear Watchers,
          Events that transpired in Sunnydale while on hiking retreat: reappearance of Spike. Xander received internal (and external) bleeding from Spike-induced head wound. Magic shop trashed in fight with most local vampires. Cordelia hospitalized for spike (not Spike) through stomach. Every single teenager in Sunnydale broke up with their significant other.

          Perhaps there's a reason I don't go on retreats...

          Day Ten
          Dear Watchers,
          Slayer having shared dreams with vampire. Odd. I really ought to get Christmas off, don't you think?

          Day Eleven
          Dear Watchers,
          Could use a hand with this MOO problem...despite its heart-wrenching tale of one boy's struggle against adult expectations, My Friend Flicka is frustratingly unhelpful in the Fight Against Evil.

          Day Twelve
          Dear Watchers,
          Slayer: turning 18.
          Me: giving her the worst birthday present ever.
          Explain to me again the purpose of this exercise--we do want the Slayer to kill the vampire, right?

          Day Thirteen
          -Dear Watchers,-
          Bloody hell. Now what do I do? Be a high school librarian for the rest of my life? I was the curator of the British Museum! I didn't get a PhD to watch adolescents ignore great literature and make bad jokes about how I'm "too British for words." Blast.

          Day Fourteen
          Well...new journal (no bloody council to address all the time), new me...good lord, what am I doing?

          Oh wait, an apocalypse... something I'm familar with...

          Day Fifteen
          Good Lord, first I'm fired, effectively sentenced to a career at Sunnydale High, and now I'm saddled with this Wyndam-Pryce fellow. Could he be any more insufferable???!

          Later...

          Yes, he could. Squealed like a little girl. I, on the other hand, remained very cool and collected. Things looking up. At this rate will achieve coolness before Xander.

          Day Sixteen
          Think time away from council has heightened my observational skills. Noticed, for example, Buffy correct in assuming Faith rather crazy. If she had to kill a man just to watch him die, could've at least done so in Reno.

          Day Seventeen
          That old mystical contact came in handy today. Should do more matchmaking.

          Oh, and Faith's evil.

          Day Eighteen
          Buffy psychic. And in bad mood--keeps muttering derogatory comments about my fashion sense.

          Day Nineteen
          Buffy wants to leave Sunnydale (no idea why). Bit inconsiderate of her--what am I supposed to do in her absence, shelve books?

          Day Twenty
          Buffy could be a little less enthusiastic about this school formal. While I'm sure she'll enjoy herself, I'm going to be stuck babysitting Wesley as he ogles Cordelia. Joy.

          Besides, I was lying; I would look horrible in taffeta.

          Day Twenty-One
          Mayor to be commencement speaker at Graduation--first time ceremony may actually be interesting.


          Day Twenty-Two
          Oz keeps muttering about chickpeas. Buffy has plan. Secretly have v. bad feeling about this.

          Later...

          Xander key to Buffy's plan.

          The Earth is doomed.

          Day Twenty-Three
          Buffy's plan worked! Knew it would, of course. Have been gifted with v. smart, college-bound slayer. What more could an ex-watcher, ex-librarian need in his life?

          Besides a library. Or girlfriend. Or job.

          Blast.
          Last edited by miss edith; 02-05-08, 03:29 AM.
          "Day Six: Lurked a bit, brooded some. Think I'm getting better. V. easy to go back to old hobbies, like riding a bicycle. Never forget a good brood." (Angel: Days of our Unlives)
          The Very Secret Diaries...on the Hellmouth!

          Comment


          • #6
            Cordelia Chase: Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen

            Day One
            Spent last night and night before fighting vampires with Xander and the other losers. But it's for Buffy's sake. Has nothing to do with Xander. Or losers.

            Day Two
            Party at Buffy's sucked, even though I was there AND brought dip. Buffy's just friends with all the walking dead, isn't she?

            Day Three
            Xander's a little too obsessed with this new slayer-person. And alligators. I could so do that.

            Day Four
            First I have to look at gross dead people in the morgue, then whatshisface kills his loser girlfriend and I get stuck with serious thoughts all day. The world is just conspiring to give me wrinkle lines.

            Day Five
            Buffy's fighting me for homecoming queen to clear up her personal childhood abandonment and self-esteem issues. She is so going to need therapy when she loses.

            Day Six
            My parents were FREAKS when they were teenagers. Seriously. Do not try to be cool if you're going to fail so miserably. My mother plus lycra is proof that there are just some things that should not be seen.

            Day Seven
            Helped stage an intervention to cure Buffy of Angel-obsession. Though if she had any intelligence of her own she'd be over that bipolar threat to her friends' (aka MY) lives on her own. Doesn't she realize her car is in danger?

            Maybe if she had a car she'd have some perspective on the situation.

            Day Eight
            Caught Willow and Xander making out in warehouse. We never made out in a warehouse!

            Day Nine
            Met demon chick with surprisingly good taste in clothes, even if she is in SERIOUS need of moisturizer. Like she hasn't touched skin care in a millennium. DID help me curse Xander for warehouse thing, though, so she's not too bad.

            (later)

            Second thought, cursing Xander perhaps not best idea. Lost my car, and everyone dresses like the dead here.

            Day Ten
            Going to Aspen! V. nice to get away from all things life-threatening and Xander.

            Day Eleven
            Giles doesn't respect the importance of my hair. He is SO brain damaged.

            Day Twelve
            So Buffy lost her memory, and I thought letting her ride in my car would make her feel better but she just sat there moping like a loser and ruining her make-up. Lame.

            Day Thirteen
            Caught Xander trying to be cool again. You'd think he would learn that attempting that impossibility only leads to danger (but not the sexy kind), girls dumping him, and getting dissed by everyone imaginable. I guess not.

            ...or maybe he LIKES disaster. Would explain why he hangs out with Buffy and co.

            Day Fourteen
            Caught Buffy trying to be "cool", with, like, pleather and stuff. Please. As if we don't already know she's way too goody-goody-on-the-side-of-the-scorned-and-righteous to last long. Plus pleather is bad for her complexion. She's a summer, Faith's a winter...it'll never work out.

            Day Fifteen
            Buffy's new Watcher SO much cooler than Giles. I like a man who's stunned speechless by my presence. (Which is pretty much all of them, actually.)

            Day Sixteen
            Today Wesley protected me from a seriously fashion-challenged Willow. I knew it was a fluke with Giles--British people do have fashion sense. Think I'll ask him out.

            Day Seventeen
            Double date with Wesley, and Willow and Oz v. boring, as Wesley kept insisting on research. To save Sunnydale or whatever. Beginning to suspect he has intimacy issues...or maybe just too intimidated by my extreme beauty to make a move...

            Day Eighteen
            Buffy thinks she's psychic. I don't get what the big deal is, except her possible psychosis. People are paying far too much attention to her and not enough attention to the cheerleaders. Who rock, by the way.

            Day Nineteen
            So that minor problem Daddy's been struggling with is apparently all of our money. Imagine money being a problem! V. odd.

            (later)

            My parents expect me to work retail. It's officially the end of the world.

            Day Twenty
            Some loser made monsters that kill the fashionable. World is conspiring against me.

            (later)

            Buffy killed monsters, though not loser. Thank goodness, because I am officially most beautiful person at prom, and would not like to be attacked. In other news, Wesley officially has good taste, and Xander is perhaps not lamest person ever.

            Day Twenty-One

            Up side to apocalypse? Skipping 5th period.

            Day Twenty-Two

            Another bonus: got to take off that lame gown. Maroon? What idiot thought of that?

            (later)

            Nevermind. Practically trampled by vamps... apocalypses suck.

            Day Twenty-Three

            Angel wants me to come to LA with him. Says I'd make a great Delilah, whatever that means. Since I have been denied rich, preppy Columbia boys, might as well turn to hot, broody men. Even if said men are vampires. (Besides, LA's got shoes. So many shoes.)

            Things not looking so bad after all.
            ~~~
            Note: I have gotten 1 review for this entire fic, and that one was for the very first chapter. Now, I know people are reading this--the little orange envelope tells me so. Why is it so hard to send me a PM with a simple "I liked this" or "I didn't like that?" I don't think I'm asking for much. If I don't think anyone cares about this story, I don't have a lot of incentive to continue posting here.
            "Day Six: Lurked a bit, brooded some. Think I'm getting better. V. easy to go back to old hobbies, like riding a bicycle. Never forget a good brood." (Angel: Days of our Unlives)
            The Very Secret Diaries...on the Hellmouth!

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            • #7
              Willow the Teenage Witch
              Note: I still can't figure out how to do strike through on this site. I've put dashes around the text -like so-.


              Day One
              Buffy still not back yet, but probably will be soon. I hope. In the meantime, am keeping self v. busy by perfecting my tough, empowered woman act--think the last vampire was actually frightened. Even if he got away.

              Day Two
              Buffy's back! V. joyous, except now quips I spent hours working on are totally useless. Difficult to slip that bit about the marzipan and pie plate into casual conversation.

              (later)

              Just had shouting match with Buffy...perhaps this quip thing is affecting me more than expected. Or getting really good at the empowerment.

              Day Three
              Senior year off to an excellent start! Have awesome guitar-playing boyfriend (as predicted), very cool friends (also predicted), Cordelia's actually being nice (not-so-predicted there), and met cool new slayer-person last night (and prediction flies right out the window).

              Now if only Buffy would get along with the other slayer, and Giles would let me help with this v. neat spell he likes to be so darn vague about. Don't know why he thinks I can't handle it. That power outage was totally a fluke.

              Day Four
              Important life update: awesome guitar-playing boyfriend might be cold-blooded -killer- jelly doughnut. Which would be unfortunate, since jelly doughnuts are not-so-good for snuggling. You'd get all sticky. (Sorry about that, Oz just came in...)

              (later)

              Oz not killer! Or jelly doughnut! Knew he was the fuzzy, harmless kind of mystical beast.

              Day Five
              Never knew formal wear could be so...interesting. (and v. v. BAD. of course bad. why would cheating on my wonderful boyfriend to make out with my best friend who I've only been in love with since I was six years old and finally over the Barbie Incident be bad???)

              Wonder if formal wear effect is universal, like with Buffy and Cordelia in the limo. They sure haven't arrived at the dance yet...

              Day Six
              I am surprised that Buffy's on-again-off-again-undead-sometimes-evil boyfriend is back from Hell. I feel that, in comparison, my romantic troubles don't seem so troublesome. I wish everybody else used the I-statements.

              Day Seven
              740 on the SATs?! What computer nerd gets a 740 on the SATs? (Even verbal, hmph.) Must go do vocabulary exercises, reread Shakespeare, and perhaps study Oxford English Dictionary.

              (later)

              OED will have to wait. Will be bowling with loving boyfriend Oz, and will not be thinking how cute Xander is...

              (later)

              Sudden inspiration! Can bowl AND use magic to cure me and Xander of troublesome crushes. Right?

              Day Eight
              Yesterday was v. busy. Spike kidnapped me and Xander and threatened to kill us and then we made out while Oz and Cordelia watched...Xander! Me and Xander made out! And then Oz and Cordy saw us, v. bad.

              (later)

              ...in retrospect have decided Xander and I will not be making out again EVER and Spike is stupid and miss Oz v. v. much. Meh.

              Day Nine
              Still missing Oz; helping Buffy is distracting but not nearly enough. Xander says no word from Cordelia; apparently she is jealous because they never made out in warehouse. Am surprised, personally. Thought they'd made out everywhere.

              Day Ten
              Happy Hanukkah! In other news, have decided on best way to win Oz back. It's really, really good.

              Day Eleven
              Plan to win Oz back v. successful. He liked feather boa, which is v. lucky, as was accidentally conjured instead of wine. Still not sure how that happened. 'Boa' not quite same as 'Merlot.'

              Day Twelve
              I dabble AND doodle. However, would be more amused by alliteration if wasn't grounded by MOO.

              Also, Mom found out about Oz. Why did I want her attention again?

              Day Thirteen
              Dinner with Oz and parents awkward, as mother not impressed by Oz's Potential Career Ambitions. Silly of her, really. E flat diminished ninth is v. impressive chord. Plus now I think he's taciturnly angry...at least stoically annoyed.

              Things could be worse... at least I'm not a rat.

              Day Fourteen
              Giles got fired! All my preconceptions about adult employment shattered. Too frantic to write angry letter. Also, Buffy lost Slayer powers temporarily, totally not Giles's fault.

              In other news, Amy loves her new bell!

              Day Fifteen
              EPIC BATTLE coming on. Apocalypse epic. Haven't seen too much of Xander, which is strange. But can't worry about that, must research a way to stop these crazy demon ladies so we don't all die.

              I hope we don't all die.

              Day Sixteen
              Buffy ditched me and chemistry for Faith and "slayer stuff." Just don't understand. What could they possibly be doing that I'm not allowed in on? And during school hours?!

              Day Seventeen
              V. dramatic day at Sunnydale High. Apparently Faith's really big on taking people's virginities and/or lives. Or at least Xander's, and that guy the mayor works with. I don't know who else. Buffy should probably stop hanging out with her, though, who knows what could happen...

              Oh boy. What if something happened?

              Day Eighteen
              Everyone thinks I'm boring. Ate banana when it wasn't lunch time and tried wacky spell, but think something more drastic is called for...perhaps involving push-up bras and pleather? ('cause Faith's been into those lately, and no one's about to call her boring...)

              (later)

              Wacky spell brought not-me-but-vampire-gay-dominatrix-me from other dimension. On plus side, now conveniently own pleather suit with push-up bra in my size. (Now all I need is an appropriate time to wear it...)

              Day Nineteen
              Field trip to town hall was v. exciting, AND totally Oz's idea. He always makes the best Scooby plans, when he makes Scooby plans.

              Also Buffy oddly upset as I described Faith's taste in men for her, even after she asked. Told her there might still be hope, since Faith is probably an equal opportunity slut, but she just gave me a funny look. Don't get it. She asked!

              Day Twenty
              Buffy was psychic today. And yesterday, actually, but she's all back to normal Buffy now. Too bad--she could have used new superpowers to find out the mayor's dastardly plans, or what Faith is doing Friday.

              Day Twenty-One
              Went on a secret mission to learn more about mayor, and manged to avenge Buffy's possibly unrequited love for Faith as well...or, at least I stole stuff from under Faith's nose. I am SO empowered.

              In that vein, have decided to attend UCSD--to keep fighting evil, and because I don't like scones all that much.

              Day Twenty-Two
              Buffy's single! I thought breakup was over Faith, but then she said something about Angel and a soap opera.

              In other news, hell hounds attacking Prom. Sad, as I found v. awesome dress.

              Day Twenty-Three
              Prom was amazing. Oz looked v. handsome and made me feel v. sexy and empowered. Oh, and Buffy stopped the hell hounds. And then we partied.

              Day Twenty-Four
              Mayor showed up at a Scooby meeting today so Giles could stab his chest open and then watch it heal. Some people have strange ideas of fun. Also suddenly not so excited to leave all behind for college. The soda machine! Who will the soda machine incorrectly give root beer to next? I mean, college won't look anything like high school...

              (later)

              Was all panicky, but Oz stopped that...hope to get panicky again soon.

              Day Twenty-Five
              Understand now why Buffy broke up with Angel over soap opera. Only caught a bit of it during graduation as was fighting for my life against army of undead, but was enough. Just can't look at Angel the same way anymore.

              (later)

              Soda machine issue an issue no longer, as there is no more soda machine, or Sunnydale High. Practically saw the "go out with a bang" pun form in Xander's head, but luckily he held it in.

              Oh! And secured a copy of Angel's manuscript from the rubble. Buffy doesn't want it now, obviously, but maybe someday she'll be able to look on this situation and laugh. Hopefully.

              Also, Oz seemed kind of in love with it. Odd.

              Day Twenty-Six

              Wow. Have GRADUATED. Not sure why it took so long to hit me (though perhaps it may have had something to do with fear of other things hitting me, like vampires or flaming arrows), but am v. excited for college. Buffy + Faith, I think, have inspired me to reinvent myself into a new person who will perhaps experiment...with pleather!
              ~~~
              Note: I love feedback. I generally don't get much of it on this site. Be brave; break the mold!
              "Day Six: Lurked a bit, brooded some. Think I'm getting better. V. easy to go back to old hobbies, like riding a bicycle. Never forget a good brood." (Angel: Days of our Unlives)
              The Very Secret Diaries...on the Hellmouth!

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