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Postlapsarian: an AtS season 6 ficlet

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  • Postlapsarian: an AtS season 6 ficlet

    Pinocchio is now a boy

    Who wants to turn back into a toy

    - Rufus Wainwright, Vibrate

    She didn't come to see him this time around to give him a piece of her mind. She sent slayers to "clean up his mess", even came to LA herself. But she didn't come to see him. She just called to say she'd uncovered all his dirty secrets, and that he was so completely in the dog house that he might as well get himself a collar and a bone, because he was never coming out again. Although she didn't quite phrase it like that. Nothing so jokey and metaphorical.

    "Did ever I even really know you?" Buffy tailed into silence. Her fury was cold, much like the best revenge. Angelus would love this. He probably was loving it, wherever he was, deep down underneath the layers of soul and guilt.

    "Buffy?" But what could he say, really? Was he sorry? Was it worth explaining all his reasons, all the forks in the road, all the turns he'd taken?

    She'd found out about Connor?and, going further back, about that day when he'd spun time backwards to take back his happiness and take up his curse again. There'd been some general spell Willow was working to uncover changes in reality. Something to do with an organisation called Twilight. He'd heard things, but Buffy wouldn't tell him anything.

    Yeah, Andrew hadn't been lying. She didn't trust him any more, and Angel didn't blame her. He'd gone into the belly of the beast and come out covered in crap. He'd changed the world, just like her; but for the worse. Apocalypse worse.

    "You took away my choice," she said. "And if it had just been that...maybe I could've...that would've been ok, perhaps. Because you did it for me...but that was just the start, wasn't it? You controlling..."

    Angel cleared his throat, as if to interrupt. But he let her go on, because there was nothing to be gained from arguing. The door between their lives was closing, fast, and there was nothing he could do to wedge it open. Well, nothing he was prepared to do. Because his life was different now, and he'd come to accept that. He loved her, sure, and always would somehow. But love was just one thing in the world. Duty was another, and a bigger thing.

    "And you changed their memories. You changed the world." He could just imagine her face as she said it. That gave him a pang of such regret he clenched his fist around the cellphone, cracking its casing.

    "I get why," she said. "Just the same thing again, you did it for HIM. But you didn't ask, you just waded in." Buffy inhaled, as if changing her mind. "No, you didn't let THEM do it. And you became them."

    "I never became them." Angel said it quietly. There was a note of defiance in his voice.

    "What, are you going to tell me it was all worth it now? All in the service of some greater good that only you can see with your grand innovative visualising"

    "I didn't say it was worth it. I wish...I regret so much," he said.

    He knew it wasn't worth wishing he could take things back. If he could turn back the clock this time, he didn't know whether he'd make different choices. Were there any different choices? Really?

    But he wished that he could hear her talk to him like she used to, without this acid hatred. He wished he could make her understand. But there wasn't time.

    "Buffy, I can't talk about this now. I've got to go. I'm sorry."

    "Yeah. Sounds like you're really so..."

    Angel snapped the phone closed, cutting her off and raised his sword, ready for the creatures that he'd spotted running towards him. It was what had to be done - he couldn't put the hell he'd unleashed back in its box. But he could survive long enough to kill some of its denizens.

    But....Jesus. He couldn't help wishing he'd stayed human when he had the chance.

    -- Robofrakkinawesome BANNER BY FRANCY --