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A Very Tuesday Phone Call (a season 8 missing scene ficlet)

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  • A Very Tuesday Phone Call (a season 8 missing scene ficlet)

    This was inspired by something Stormwreath on livejournal suggested...what would Dawn have said on the phone to Buffy after being giantised by Kenny...?


    "Hi Buffy. Just calling to say..." Dawn went silent for a moment.

    Buffy sighed. "What did you do?"

    "What makes you think I did something?"

    "Ok, what do you want?"

    "Nothing!" There was a pause on Dawn's end of the line. "Well, you remember how I bought a return ticket to California... and, since I flew out here I..."

    "You lost your ticket!" Buffy interrupted, crossly. "Well, I guess that's not too bad. You could probably call them and get them to check against your credit card or something..."

    "I didn't lose my return ticket. I just...can't use it."

    "What do you mean?"

    "I can't come back. You know the freshman 15?" Dawn made a little coughing noise. "Well I kinda gained....more of a whole new freshman. Or ten."

    "'re too embarrassed to come back and face us with your extra junk in the trunk? Aww, Dawnie...I promise I won't tease you." Buffy paused. "Well, not much."

    "Buffy...I haven't...exactly gotten fat. You remember Kenny...?"

    "Oh. My. God. You're not fat. You're pregnant. OH my god! You had sex!"

    "Yes to the second, no to the first."

    "Colour me confused. But still angry."

    "Kenny, and I swear I didn't know this when I slept with him...he's a thricewise."

    Buffy said nothing for a long moment. Then she exhaled, slowly and called down the stairs. "Xander! Call Giles and tell him we're going to need some extra funding this quarter!"

    "What for?" Xander called back.

    "An aircraft carrier."

    "You're the boss lady!" he called back. "But I'm going to need some serious splainy when you get off the phone.

    Buffy returned her attention to Dawn. "It's ok. I can get you home. But...just so you're still not too big for me to put you over my knee. Or...ok, you are. And I don't believe in corporal punishment. But consider yourself spiritually spanked."

    "I'm sorry," said Dawn.

    "Yeah, but..." Buffy broke off. "Wait a are you even holding the phone?"

    "Kenny supersized it for me."

    "Kenny's THERE?"

    "Not any more. He kinda...well, after he supersized the phone, there was an incident with my elbow and him being on a ledge and...falling."

    "Dawn! Is he ok!"

    "Yeah, fine. Sort of. In traction. It was an accident, I swear! I wasn't used to being that big and..."

    "Have I mentioned yet how many and varied types of trouble you are in right now?"

    "Hey! At least my first time didn't turn anyone evil!"

    "At least I didn't crush my first time-ee with my giant clumsy elbow. did you not know he was a thricewise?"

    "He was really sweet! And...he doesn't look like a thricewise. He's a theology major!"

    "Well. Let's just hope you're not pregnant as well. Cause I for one am not going to care for your thirty foot love child. Goodbye!" she snapped the phone shut and sighed. "Well, on the plus side...makes me feel a little better about the whole celibacy issue."

    -- Robofrakkinawesome BANNER BY FRANCY --