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Did Xander ever truly get over Buffy?

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  • Did Xander ever truly get over Buffy?

    We can discuss the possibility or impossibility of a Buffy-Xander ship, and the merit or undesirability of such, but I wanted to start by asking the question in the title. I mean, did he?

    My answer is that he never did, at least not completely. He was taken by her at first sight in "Welcome To The Hellmouth", wanted to but never got to the point of asking her out through all of Season 1, and then finally did ask her out in "Prophecy Girl" and got turned down. Along with all the complexities in their story afterwards there was the process of Xander reconciling himself to being a best friend to Buffy and not her boyfriend. Certainly the long shadow of Buffy was present in his relationship with Cordelia. Cordelia's line in "Innocence": "...You were too busy rushing off to die for your beloved Buffy. You'd never die for me." Two episodes later, "Bewitched, Bothered, And Bewildered" he says to (bewitched) Buffy: "It's not that I don't want to. Sometimes the remote impossible possibility that you might like me was all that sustained me. But not now. (trips and falls....Not like this. This isn't real to you.....You're only here because of a spell....I mean, if I thought you had one clue what it would mean to me....But you don't. So I can't" which says to me that in his heart he still desired Buffy, even while hurting from his breakup with Cordelia and trying to get even with her.

    Buffy, for her part in the rest of the series knows how Xander feels (or felt) about her and is okay with it. There's the exchange between her and Xander in S6 "Hell's Bells" where she's helping him get ready for his wedding:

    Buffy: You're one of the decent ones, Xander. I hope I'm as lucky as you guys someday.
    Xander: You wanna get lucky? I've still got, what, fifteen, twenty minutes?

    At that point they could joke about marrying to each other even though any serious romantic possibility had long since been set aside.

    While Buffy's shadow wasn't so blatently present in his relationship with Anya as it was in the case of Cordelia, I feel it was always there in some vague form or another.

    A few episodes after "Hell's Bells" there was the scene in "Entropy" outside the Magic Box with Xander, Spike, Anya, and Buffy where an enraged Xander has just tried to stake Spike for having had sex with Anya when he finds out that Buffy had sex with him as well. Xander had long since accepted the idea of he himself having sex with Buffy as impossible, and the outrage of learning Spike had done it is too much for him.

    So I don't think he ever entirely gave up his romantic desire for Buffy but the fact that she could not return it did not stop him from being her friend. At the end of S3 "Graduation Day Pt. II" when they are walking together amid the wreckage of the high school he senses that Buffy is looking for Angel, and despite his hatred/jealousy towards Angel tells her in his reassuring way that he made it through the fight. In S5 "Into The Woods" he does his best to persuade Buffy not to let Riley go, and finally gets through to her, although it's too late.

    I think that Xander being a loyal friend to Buffy whom he wished could love him romantically but who never would is just one of the memorable human stories (among many) of the show.

  • #2
    You know what, I never really thought about it, but now that you mention it, he never really gets over Buffy. But I think he just makes do.

    Like you said, in Entropy, he seems more disguised with the fact Buffy has slept with Spike, but that maybe more about the fact that Spike is a Vampire, and Xander never liked Vampires since Jesse got turned into one. Plus he had to go through the whole Angel drama with her, so he's probly thinking not again. It could also be translated into if He didn't get a shot and he is her Best Friend, why does her enemy.(Xander would see Spike as the enemy still at this point)

    Season 2 though, even when he was into Cordy, you know if Buffy had said Xander be my man, he would have kicked Cordiella to the curb. I think though by season 4, he had gotten use to the idea of it never happening, thats why he could love Anya, but a part of me still thinks that if Buffy asked him, he'd consider it, even if its for like a moment.

    As for Hells Bells, I think that was Xander being Xander then suggesting that run away together. Am I making sense? Because I'm not sure my mind keeps changing as I type
    ANGEL: You just like stabbing me.

    SPIKE: I?I'm shocked, SHOCKED that you'd say that. I much prefer hitting you with blunt instruments.

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    • #3
      Originally posted by icegemz View Post
      Like you said, in Entropy, he seems more disguised with the fact Buffy has slept with Spike, but that maybe more about the fact that Spike is a Vampire, and Xander never liked Vampires since Jesse got turned into one. Plus he had to go through the whole Angel drama with her, so he's probly thinking not again. It could also be translated into if He didn't get a shot and he is her Best Friend, why does her enemy.(Xander would see Spike as the enemy still at this point)
      I think his reaction was more rooted in the fact that Buffy is "his hero" than in some theoretical lingering romantic feelings towards her. To answer the question, I do think he got over her; how could he have had that serious relationship with Anya -- so serious that he was about to marry her -- if he hadn't? That doesn't mean that those feelings can't rekindle, though.

      (set made by Francy for me)

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      • #4
        I think on some level Xander always has loved Buffy. Perhaps he always will.

        The climax of his real romantic investment in her up to this point came in Season 5 with his role in the Buffy/Riley arc. I think Xander experienced this relationship vicariously, with Riley standing in for himself. He knew he and Riley to have a lot in common personality-wise. Riley and the "SuaveXander" were almost the same guy. And when Riley told Xander that Buffy didn't love him, Xander went to work to save that relationship, because Buffy *had* to love Riley. If Buffy could love Riley, it would prove that Buffy could love him.

        And his premise was correct -- nothing he said in defense of Riley to Buffy didn't also apply to Xander himself about her at different points. And Buffy realized she wanted Riley and went after him. Xander's romantic love for Buffy was validated, and was therefore finally taken off his mind. When he went to Anya after that and told her how he felt about her, I think it was about half his *realization* on his part of how he felt once he had the Buffy "noise" out of his head having made Buffy realize she loved his proxy, and half an apology to Anya for having dwelled on his feelings for Buffy in the first place.

        That there are meant to be romantic undertones in their relationship is a fact we know from the writers at many different points. They always wanted a romance there to be viable. We see it again in Season 7, the very intimate bond he and Buffy share as de facto parents to Dawn. They look, act, and feel in every way but the sexualized, like a married couple, and a very solid one.

        I think Xander's romantic feelings for Buffy are pretty much in a holding pattern -- he'll always have him. As for Buffy,
        Spoiler:
        in Season 8 it's raised that she may have started to return them on some level -- she does have a very sexualized dream about Xander. Whether anything takes place between them is still up in the air (some people speculated that something may have already happened between them at some point between Season 7 and Season 8), because there is a sense and possibility that romance might develop between Xander and the younger of the Summers women.
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        • #5
          Originally posted by Enisy View Post
          I think his reaction was more rooted in the fact that Buffy is "his hero" than in some theoretical lingering romantic feelings towards her. To answer the question, I do think he got over her; how could he have had that serious relationship with Anya -- so serious that he was about to marry her -- if he hadn't? That doesn't mean that those feelings can't rekindle, though.
          Well that's nothing new to the verse. Willow is in a serious relationship with Kennedy even though she'll never be over Tara, and she tells Oz that someday they may "find each other" just before entering a relationship with Tara. Angel never got over Buffy as we saw in 'Chosen' and most of Ats s5, but he was in love with Cordelia throughout the latter half of Ats s3/s4.

          So Xander could genuinely love Anya and still be in love with Buffy, perhaps without realising it.
          Last edited by vampmogs; 06-02-09, 01:08 PM.

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          • #6
            I love the idea of Buffy and Xander together, they'd make a good couple. Although I don't like Xanders attitude towards Angel, In season 1 the last episode, Prophecy Girl, How he teams up with Angel in order to save Buffy's life, then he gets to play the hero by giving Buffy mouth to mouth and saving her life. Even though he doesn't like Angel he still works with him. I keep thinking back to how Angel admits he's jealous of Xander, what do you reckon Xanders reaction to that would be? hehehe Just a little rambling for ya's lol. Sorry if none of it made any sense.

            Joss
            Fire bad tree pretty

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            • #7
              Did Xander ever truly get over Buffy?

              Yes.

              -Luc
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              "If you're an Angel/Buffy fan, there's a big payoff," - Jeremy Atkins, Darkhorse

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              • #8
                I think that Xander will always love Buffy but I also think that as the time has gone by that love has changed in it's nature.

                Buffy will always be a huge part of Xanders life and is arguably the most important person in it (Although, maybe Wilow could arguably hold that place.) and I think that he weill do just about anything for her. I don't think that he thinks about her 'that way' any more though as I think his love has mellowed into a more fraternal love (as mentioned in Restless.)

                I'm not a fan of a potential romance between the two as I value Xander's role as a the strong male lead in season 8 and think that shipping him with Buff takes away from that role as he becomes part of Bander rather than a character in his own right. I think it would take something major for this to happen anyway as it would mean a fairly major shift in their relationship.
                JUST ENOUGH KILL

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