Friendship Vs. Love

[basakbangel]

In a lot of shows we see, we read..

There are lovers and friends. Which one do you think more important??

Ok, let me clarify myself with giving you a buffy example. Let's think of Xander(I didn't say Buffy because of the big shippers like most of us). Anya was his girlfriend and then they decided to take an other step. Willow and Buffy were his real friends and they were always there for him. He loved them in a different ways.

One of them is the loved and the other is the trusted one.

Which side is more important for the relationships?

Or this is easier. Which side would win:

Love Vs. Friendship


I just wondered

[kana]

I'm actually not sure. I think there is a strong emphasis on 'Chosen Family'. The relationships they tend to seek are affirming and long lasting. In Buffy's case anyway it's been her friends and family who have been the constants rather than her romantic relationships.

Even in Angel, the friendships are the more consistant, element in terms of relationships whereas the romances seem more fast and fleeting.

[Southpaw]

On TV, romances get overplayed. They often just dominate the screen. Shows like Dawson's Creek and 90210 just use friendship to mislead the audience and/or put off relationships and twists they can add in later seasons. Shows like that just seem like, in the end, everyone ends up sleeping with everyone else. To me thats just boring and pointless.

What I enjoyed about Buffy was that atleast early on, they tried to prevent "everyone from sleeping with everyone." The fact that Buffy/Xander and Buffy/Willow(lol) always stayed friends rather than lovers was very refreshing. And while they teased Xander/Willow for a long time, outside of one kiss there was almost no payoff with it, and they always remained friends.

For me, and often in life, I think romantic relationships will often come and go(until you hopefully find "the one"), while good, true, loyal, friendships can last from childhood until death.

[vampmogs]

I enjoyed the friendship aspects of the show far more than the relationships. I always found the friendship between the core scoobies far more interesting than Buffy's men, who I felt were mostly there to be nothing more than love interests by the end of it and are often only judged in that repsect. The friendship was Buffy's strength, the friendship was the only constant in her life, and will be the thing that keeps me most interested in the series.

[KingofCretins]

I think Buffy and Willow would have won out over Anya for Xander -- even in "Selfless", where he was willing to physically attack Buffy to protect Anya, he never would have tried to hurt her.

In general, Buffy's the *only* one who we've seen any indication that she'd choose her boyfriend over the gang. But, really, I think the Buffyverse is not about the forcing a choice. For these guys, the choice doesn't exist -- a relationship that is inherently hostile to the group isn't a good relationship anyway.

There's an old rule in Guy Code, that rather bluntly goes "bros before hos" -- I think that kind of expression applies in non-gender-specific terms to the whole Scooby gang.

[Wolfie Gilmore]

There's an old rule in Guy Code, that rather bluntly goes "bros before hos" -- I think that kind of expression applies in non-gender-specific terms to the whole Scooby gang.

Or there's the equally foul but corruptable into something vaguely approximating acceptable in feminist terms: "mates before muff". Ie you put your mates first, THEN consider what your nether regions want.

Though the original version of the expression meant male mates before chasing muff. But, it's all about reclaiming teh language

Anyway, I'm interested in either, depending on how well it's done. Not particularly bothered whether something's romantic or friendship...though I do like a good nemesis pairing. I don't mean ship pairing, just...people and their enemies are often more interesting than people and their friends. So, Giles and Ethan, Spike and Angel (shippiness aside), Buffy and Faith (ditto), Willow and Warren/the nerds...you get to see sides of people when they're full of hate that you don't otherwise.

The scooby friendships, tensions and ambiguities (exactly WHAT is Giles to them? Boss? Bitch? Friend? Father? Lackey? Irrelevance? Q?) are interesting a lot of the time, but so are the romances (Xander/Anya, while not a relationship I feel is necessarily good does give you interesting insights into their journeys...Giles/Jenny was pivotal for him I felt...and liked Jenny in herself, having a woman rather tha na girl on there added layers...Buffy/Angel(us), Buffy/Spike...basically I don't think friends or love are more important, it's how those things fit into the plots and characterisation.

[KingofCretins]

Though the original version of the expression meant male mates before chasing muff. But, it's all about reclaiming teh language

Like Randall wanted to take back 'porch monkey' in "Clerks II"?

[redrevo]

I definitely think friendships matter more, especially in the Buffyverse.

For one, I'm pretty sure it's acceptable to have more than one friend. (Don't ask me, I have none.)

Second, friendships place fewer demands on a person. Let's say you have to be X and Y to be a good friend. To be a good romantic partner you have to be X, Y, Z, and N. Because of this, friendships are much more stable, tend to last longer, and therefore have a tendency to be stronger.

Also, the problems friendships face are much more concrete and possible to solve than any relationship problems. You don't need to "read" a person well to be a good friend. Although the Scoobs are not the greatest information-sharing bunch, even though they kept making that mistake they were able to work around it through the years.

And just an extra plot reason - friendships are subtle, not schmaltzy, and don't take over the plot. Ultimately, I think the friendship of Buffy, Willow, and Xander (perhaps Dawn too) is in the top two strongest themes of the show. Maybe *the* strongest, I'm not sure. But friendship is not something you can easily shove into someone's face. It's harder to screw up than a romantic relationship and leaves plenty of room for plot while remaining an even stronger theme than any 'ship.

[Sosa lola]

I have enjoyed the friendship between the core four much more than any relationship. All relationships can be a bit overplayed and predictable, but the friendship between Buffy, Xander, Willow and Giles went though a lot of original and realistic changes that kept me interested. It was one of the reasons I lost my Buffy passion by S7. Too much focus on relationships (Buffy/Spike, Xander/Anya, Willow/Kennedy) and less on the platonic type relationships.