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Thread: Feedback for Wolfie Gilmore

  1. #21
    Sad Castiel Wolfie Gilmore's Avatar
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    As ever, thanks for the feedback. I rate your poetry a LOT, so it means much.

    I love the sounds of it, I don't always like rhyme, but the sounds you create make this poem so striking.
    I'd been meaning to try a more tightly-structured poem (equal syllable lengths, paired rhymes) for a while - it was a lot harder to get down, which did mean I worked on it for longer. Occasionally I felt I was stretching for a rhyme and losing the meaning in the process (but, erm, glad I got away with it).

    Taht final scene between the Doctor and the Master comes in what's otherwise a rather dodgy episode...and, honestly, some of the acting/pacing of the thing isn't even that moving (something about Simm's grinning is just silly)...but the way the image stays with you IS very powerful, I felt, and I think I'll be coming back to it as a theme. If I can get that damned "I died in your arms tonight" song out of my head first.

    You've created so many emotions in the poem, creates a sense of the time and space surrounding the Doctor as well as the horror and immediacy of the moment.
    In the various drafts and rejected snippets of the poem, I was circling around this idea: that the Doctor is at once very much a here and now kind of guy, someoen who gets completely wrapped up in things...but he's also got this long-sighted sense of his place in the entire universe (which can sometimes make him blinder to things near by). In his relationship with the Master, he can balance both near and far, because the MAster has the same sort of focus as him, albeit a crazy evil version. The Master loves local things (oh god, league of gentlemen have ruined that phrase for me), he gets wrapped up in snogging Lucy, in watching Tellytubbies, in the joy of destruction...but he's also thinking about the universe, about the drumming that fills it, about Gallifrey and other faraway things.

    You say so much about the Timelords, with lines like "But I can love you as you are",
    Though now I think about it...that's pinched from Bridget Jones! I kind of like the idea of the domestic potential of the Doctr and the Master. It's not just this big love on a grand scale...the Doctor wants to care for him in a day to day way as well, I think.

  2. #22
    Culture Slut Rosamunde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wolfie Gilmore View Post
    I'd been meaning to try a more tightly-structured poem (equal syllable lengths, paired rhymes) for a while - it was a lot harder to get down, which did mean I worked on it for longer. Occasionally I felt I was stretching for a rhyme and losing the meaning in the process (but, erm, glad I got away with it).
    I can never write rhyme for the same reason, am absolutely sure everything will loose its meaning and focus if I try to rhyme. When done well, I love poetry that rhymes, though, I love what can be done with words (Kavannagh > Yeats). You really pulled it off; the rhymes didn't sound stretched to me at all.

    You've been talking about writing more tightly structured poetry for a v long time, glad you did it, really pulled it off. You should definately write more even if it is a bit tortuous to do.

    Taht final scene between the Doctor and the Master comes in what's otherwise a rather dodgy episode...and, honestly, some of the acting/pacing of the thing isn't even that moving (something about Simm's grinning is just silly)...but the way the image stays with you IS very powerful, I felt, and I think I'll be coming back to it as a theme. If I can get that damned "I died in your arms tonight" song out of my head first.
    The image is very powerful. There's something about Dr Who that encourages melodrama, it's got this operatic quality, but this scene moved me despite being a little over the top, not quite working. I like how you reworked it, making it subtler than it really was. It's an image that I keep going back to as well, don't think I'm going tog et away from it either!

    In the various drafts and rejected snippets of the poem, I was circling around this idea: that the Doctor is at once very much a here and now kind of guy, someoen who gets completely wrapped up in things...but he's also got this long-sighted sense of his place in the entire universe (which can sometimes make him blinder to things near by). In his relationship with the Master, he can balance both near and far, because the MAster has the same sort of focus as him, albeit a crazy evil version. The Master loves local things (oh god, league of gentlemen have ruined that phrase for me), he gets wrapped up in snogging Lucy, in watching Tellytubbies, in the joy of destruction...but he's also thinking about the universe, about the drumming that fills it, about Gallifrey and other faraway things.
    I like that idea. It reflects what I was thinking about them too; that there's an unavoidable closeness between them, because they're the only ones who can see things in the same way.

    Though now I think about it...that's pinched from Bridget Jones! I kind of like the idea of the domestic potential of the Doctr and the Master. It's not just this big love on a grand scale...the Doctor wants to care for him in a day to day way as well, I think.
    Hahaha, I'd never have noticed that if you hadn't mentioned it. The domestic potential of the Doctor and the Master is what draws me to the pairing. A grand and tragic love is all very well, but I want to see them bickering and cuddling with as much domesticity as the TARDIS has to offer.
    "When people call people nerds, mostly what they are saying is, 'You like stuff', which is just not a good insult at all, like 'You are too enthusiastic about the miracle of human consciousness'."
    -John Green

  3. #23
    Sad Castiel Wolfie Gilmore's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rosamunde View Post
    I can never write rhyme for the same reason, am absolutely sure everything will loose its meaning and focus if I try to rhyme. When done well, I love poetry that rhymes, though, I love what can be done with words (Kavannagh > Yeats). You really pulled it off; the rhymes didn't sound stretched to me at all.

    You've been talking about writing more tightly structured poetry for a v long time, glad you did it, really pulled it off. You should definately write more even if it is a bit tortuous to do.
    Discipline is GOOD! Though I might try a poem covering the same topic but take a freer approach and see how the two contrast. Next stop is some prose I think…exploring various options for Doctor/new companion fics. Might try some Doctor/Master, but actually find the idea quite intimidating…maybe Doctor/Master plus someone else? Can you think of anyone who might fit as a third wheel on the Time Lord love bus?


    The image is very powerful. There's something about Dr Who that encourages melodrama, it's got this operatic quality, but this scene moved me despite being a little over the top, not quite working. I like how you reworked it, making it subtler than it really was. It's an image that I keep going back to as well, don't think I'm going tog et away from it either!
    It will haunt us to our graves!


    I like that idea. It reflects what I was thinking about them too; that there's an unavoidable closeness between them, because they're the only ones who can see things in the same way.
    I remember a Terry Jones fairytale in which a man is sent to hell (only very vague memories of it) but the essence was that he’d feared the devil would be cruel and evil, and spending eternity would be a harsh scary punishment…but it turned out that the punishment was far worse…the devil was stupid. For the Doctor, it seems less bad, the idea of being with a clever but evil person than the idea of being stuck with someone dull (Mickey might be his idea of hell?).


    Hahaha, I'd never have noticed that if you hadn't mentioned it. The domestic potential of the Doctor and the Master is what draws me to the pairing. A grand and tragic love is all very well, but I want to see them bickering and cuddling with as much domesticity as the TARDIS has to offer.
    I’m thinking in terms of comedy double acts…something along the lines of the mighty boosh meets Peter Cook and Dudley Moore via Morecambe and Wise/Vic and Bob (since they’re essentially the same act just from different eras). Comedy and tragedy both. With washing up arguments

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    lets try this again

    Loved the unit fic! JM fits right on in there the way you painted it. I can just imagine him giving th torchwood team that smug look as they realise he's infiltrated their inner sanctum. CJ's nauhty little thoughts are spoton as well.

    And love the title. Vey retro


    I’m thinking in terms of comedy double acts…something along the lines of the mighty boosh meets Peter Cook and Dudley Moore via Morecambe and Wise/Vic and Bob (since they’re essentially the same act just from different eras). Comedy and tragedy both. With washing up arguments
    Visions of JS & DT sitting in bed in their jimmy-jams, JS smoking a pipe and telling DT about the 'universe wot he took over'
    JUST ENOUGH KILL

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    Sad Castiel Wolfie Gilmore's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tangent View Post
    lets try this again

    Loved the unit fic! JM fits right on in there the way you painted it. I can just imagine him giving th torchwood team that smug look as they realise he's infiltrated their inner sanctum. CJ's nauhty little thoughts are spoton as well.
    He gives good smug, doesn't he? I like the idea of him getting to play someone in a position of power and authority (other than the silly part he had on smallville)...do you ever watch Spooks? I'm imagining like the CIA people who M15 have to liaise with, who are always coming in and trying to take over ops that are none of their business.

    And love the title. Vey retro
    I'm wondering if there was ever a Doctor Who ep/audio play with that title? Something vaguely makes me think there was...unless I just read a fic with the same title? That will bug me now.



    Visions of JS & DT sitting in bed in their jimmy-jams, JS smoking a pipe and telling DT about the 'universe wot he took over'
    HEE! The pipe is what makes it art Maybe we should write to Comic Relief and suggest they do that next time around?

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    Culture Slut Rosamunde's Avatar
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    Utopia: love how chilling it is, it's dark in a way that gothic imagery could never achieve, accepting a much scarier reality.

    I have frozen visions of fish and tangled weeds below. You’re a mess inside. A delicious mess.

    This line contains so much. I think it's perfect that it's the Master seeing this side of the Doctor, he's the only one who is not blinded by the Doctor's arrogance and passion. Lines like that are so chilling, it's so easy to picture the Doctor as "a mess inside".

    The Master's voice seem spot on, making the insights you had about the Doctor all the more alarming. Calling him "my dear old idiotic boy" was a very nice touch.

    And just like humans, you will always want the love you cannot have, and the purpose you can’t fulfil.

    Says so much about the Doctor in just that one line. It changes the way the viewer could think of him, not as someone with passion and intensity but just as lost as everyone else. And having him as just like everyone else is quite a chilling idea...

    Let me give you the gift of oblivion. I will hold you while you sleep forever. Wouldn’t that be better?

    And who could say no to that offer? it's a credit to this fic, that you can imagine the Doctor saying yes, that the Master's oblivion seems sane and sensible and safe.

    Really great fic, others could write thousands of words and not come up with as much insight.
    "When people call people nerds, mostly what they are saying is, 'You like stuff', which is just not a good insult at all, like 'You are too enthusiastic about the miracle of human consciousness'."
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    Sad Castiel Wolfie Gilmore's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rosamunde View Post
    Utopia: love how chilling it is, it's dark in a way that gothic imagery could never achieve, accepting a much scarier reality.
    Thanks so much for the feedback, sorry I haven’t got around to saying that til now.


    Calling him "my dear old idiotic boy" was a very nice touch.
    I was umming and ahing about that…because it doesn’t quite fit the speech patterns of John Simm’s Master, but it was my way of including the former master’s in the mix a little, too.

    …you can imagine the Doctor saying yes, that the Master's oblivion seems sane and sensible and safe.
    He’s a persuasive chap, isn’t he, that Master…

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    Lonely God tangent's Avatar
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    Just read 'Who will I marry?' (question or statement. Hmmm)

    Excellent! the voices are pretty much spot on for me in all cases and theres a couple of real chuckles there. Love the wicca-o-matic, and Willows decoration of the church (shades of all the way?).

    Anyway in short sterling stuff.. again
    JUST ENOUGH KILL

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    Sad Castiel Wolfie Gilmore's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tangent View Post
    Just read 'Who will I marry?' (question or statement. Hmmm)
    Hmm indeed. I basically had it in mind that it would be Xander...or would it?

    Excellent! the voices are pretty much spot on for me
    I wasn't sure if Buffy was quite right...I was semi working on the basis that she'd be slightly less quippy as she got older...you know, as the teenage pep dies down and she becomes a bit more sensible and grown up. Just a bit anyway!

    (shades of all the way?).
    Hopefully she's in a place where it won't make her go evil though...maybe

    Anyway in short sterling stuff.. again
    Thanks! Think I might do a sequel...of the actual wedding. Featuring...well, Buffy isn't going to have the smoothest Special Day, let's just say...


    -- Robofrakkinawesome BANNER BY FRANCY --

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    Bronze Party-Goer Valyssia's Avatar
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    Just a note to let you know how much I appreciate you. Your smart, insightful posts on the forums are always a pleasure to read. ...And if I'm having what amounts to a really crappy day. I just poke my nose in here and read something, anything by you. Pretty much guaranteed I find at least one genuine belly laugh. Very sharp wit...anyone that's not following your insanity is totally missing out.

    The last piece I read was the Dead Like Me crossover. I was mad as hell when that show didn't make it another season. Loved the dark humor. It was nice to see you pick it up and play with it. Interesting that you chose what might have been one of the darkest moments in the BtVS series and turn it even mildly humorous. Kudos for that.

    Val

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    Sad Castiel Wolfie Gilmore's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Valyssia View Post
    Just a note to let you know how much I appreciate you. Your smart, insightful posts on the forums are always a pleasure to read. ...And if I'm having what amounts to a really crappy day. I just poke my nose in here and read something, anything by you. Pretty much guaranteed I find at least one genuine belly laugh. Very sharp wit...anyone that's not following your insanity is totally missing out.
    That’s an incredibly nice thing of you to say. Made my day

    The last piece I read was the Dead Like Me crossover. I was mad as hell when that show didn't make it another season. Loved the dark humor. It was nice to see you pick it up and play with it. Interesting that you chose what might have been one of the darkest moments in the BtVS series and turn it even mildly humorous. Kudos for that.

    Val
    I figured that, from Mason’s point of view, it would be just another gig (albeit one with the pressure on, since he failed last time). Amused me in my head to think that when buffy says in season one “I failed the written” that her death WAS written…on a post it note, and that note was in the pocket of a bloke who doesn’t know what he’s doing. Somehow, the reapers of Dead Like Me seem appropriate to the universe of Buffy…there isn’t someone who knows what’s going on, it’s always just people. Like someone said about the universe…”turtles all the way down”.

    Hey, that’s quite a good fic title


    -- Robofrakkinawesome BANNER BY FRANCY --

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    Bronze Party-Goer Valyssia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wolfie Gilmore View Post
    That’s an incredibly nice thing of you to say. Made my day
    Happy to hear... I'm a pretty firm believer that if someone does something that makes your life somehow more cheery, you tell 'em. People get little enough appreciation for their talents in this lifetime.

    Quote Originally Posted by Wolfie Gilmore View Post
    I figured that, from Mason’s point of view, it would be just another gig (albeit one with the pressure on, since he failed last time). Amused me in my head to think that when buffy says in season one “I failed the written” that her death WAS written…on a post it note, and that note was in the pocket of a bloke who doesn’t know what he’s doing. Somehow, the reapers of Dead Like Me seem appropriate to the universe of Buffy…there isn’t someone who knows what’s going on, it’s always just people. Like someone said about the universe…”turtles all the way down”.

    Hey, that’s quite a good fic title
    Of course, you're quite right. It does fit beautifully. The thing I'm left asking though is this... If a person dies when they are made a vampire, their soul leaves their body. How would this effect the reapers? Where do those souls go? To heaven? Well not likely... Is there some sort of card catalog for looking them up as gypsies curse their hosts? *giggles* It could be something like purgatory. From there the mind slides... You can see Spike's soul all kinda pissed off. Being called back from the afterlife equivalent of a pub in Amsterdam to fall back into the cold meat sack and enjoy more of the pain.

    Yes...I know what a corruption this is in terms of ideology. Makes it no less the amusing to toy with. Feel free to use any fragment of it if you're inspired. Won't mind one bit.

    Val

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    Sad Castiel Wolfie Gilmore's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Valyssia View Post
    Happy to hear... I'm a pretty firm believer that if someone does something that makes your life somehow more cheery, you tell 'em. People get little enough appreciation for their talents in this lifetime.
    An excellent philosophy


    Of course, you're quite right. It does fit beautifully. The thing I'm left asking though is this... If a person dies when they are made a vampire, their soul leaves their body. How would this effect the reapers? Where do those souls go? To heaven? Well not likely... Is there some sort of card catalog for looking them up as gypsies curse their hosts? *giggles* It could be something like purgatory. From there the mind slides... You can see Spike's soul all kinda pissed off. Being called back from the afterlife equivalent of a pub in Amsterdam to fall back into the cold meat sack and enjoy more of the pain.

    Yes...I know what a corruption this is in terms of ideology. Makes it no less the amusing to toy with. Feel free to use any fragment of it if you're inspired. Won't mind one bit.

    Val
    The afterlife of Spike's soul would be a brilliant story! Well, William's soul. Perhaps he's been enjoying all the pleasures of the flesh? Maybe reapers take turns babysitting the souls of the vampified, and it's the jammiest gig so everyone wants it? Roxy's babysitting hour would be fun. Maybe they're forbidden from telling the soul what the vampire gets up to? On Mason's watch he'd naturally stuff that up though...cos he'd be all impressed with the subway fight and give Spike a play by play...only William would be horrified. Maybe spending time with Mason is a bad influence and he becomes more like Spike?

    Oh yes, many fun possibilities!


    -- Robofrakkinawesome BANNER BY FRANCY --

  14. #34
    Culture Slut Rosamunde's Avatar
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    "Saviours are Complex" -- hee! Love it! Wonderful dialouge, made me laugh so much. Really great lines in there, especially "he can cope with a bit of lycra", "I played you in the school play" and the alien hints. Doctor and Rose were so in character too Such a fun fic!
    "When people call people nerds, mostly what they are saying is, 'You like stuff', which is just not a good insult at all, like 'You are too enthusiastic about the miracle of human consciousness'."
    -John Green

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    Sad Castiel Wolfie Gilmore's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rosamunde View Post
    "Saviours are Complex" -- hee! Love it! Wonderful dialouge, made me laugh so much. Really great lines in there, especially "he can cope with a bit of lycra", "I played you in the school play" and the alien hints. Doctor and Rose were so in character too Such a fun fic!
    I'd quite like to have a go at a Jesus and the Doctor just hanging out fic some time, too. Maybe in the garden of Gethsemane. You know..."you don't have to go through with this" type stuff. Then again, I'm not sure I can be arsed to do a serious one.

    Mmm, more who fic next I think. Not sure what. Maybe some slash? Though have read so many Doctor/Master fics feel a bit overloaded with those. Maybe Doctor/historical figure of some kind? That I don't have to do too much research for...someone a bit legend-y? Robin Hood? Hmm...
    Or could do a crossover. Read a Jeeves and Wooster/Who crossover the other day that made me want to do one of my own...

    Ooh, Doctor/House, that might be fun. Though i think two brooding lonely types wouldn't work. Need someone who's going to be bringing things together.

    Hmm...I say, hmm....not feeling very inspired. Trying to think of something to write for KingofCretins' challenge but nothing's coming.


    -- Robofrakkinawesome BANNER BY FRANCY --

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    Chosen Vampire Dorian's Kitten's Avatar
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    Just read the Who will I marry? piece. Very fun. I especially liked the "not only evil but also Republican" bit. Brilliant.
    "All I ask is that... that you try to see me."

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    Hello, this is my first feedback post here. I really enjoyed reading your Doctor Who ficlet Unkismet. It was really bittersweet but with good hypnotic descriptions of the club through Rose's POV while she's under the influence.

    Another ficlet I was really fond of was Baby, we're the government: It's what we do. There's not a lot of Buffy comic book fanfiction out in fandom yet. I thought yours was one of the best. What a brutal ending!

    I'm going to read some more fanfic on the board. I will come back later to give you more praise and feedback !

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    Bronze Party-Goer The_Narrator's Avatar
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    Just read 'Homeschooling'. I really like this one - not just because it involves Wes - but seeing more of his past is very interesting. I think you got the tone of Wesley perfect - his pleading as a young boy, his almost recycled use of what I imagine to be his father's phrases "he hated boys who tried to make up excuses and weasel out of taking responsibility". The privileged upbringing is present, but not huge-flashing-arrow-ly obvious - I'm thinking of the "study".The "through the bannister" and "pyjamas" aren't really posh, but they just remind me of a large house, something Mary Poppins or private school-esque. Varnished wooden furnishings and large paintings and the like.

    Wesley's reserved relationship with his parents is also present, in the use of "Mother" and "Father". The holding out of his hand, automatically, really makes me feel sorry for Wes; he has clearly suffered this kind of punishment before. And while I don't think his father hates him, but is just a bad father, or perhaps indifferent/uncaring towards Wesley's feelings, what else could an eleven year old boy, starting to or just having started to question these kinds of things, assume? And I like how his mother tries to stick up for Wes, but doesn't stop her son from being spanked (and presumably hasn't in the past). Perhaps she suffers as much as Wesley, stuck under her husband's thumb?

    So yeah, I really like this ficlet. It provides enough detail to explain everything, but leaves enough to the imagination to imagine the true extent of Wesley's poor upbringing.

  19. #39
    Sad Castiel Wolfie Gilmore's Avatar
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    [
    Quote Originally Posted by The_Narrator View Post
    Just read 'Homeschooling'. I really like this one - not just because it involves Wes - but seeing more of his past is very interesting.
    I’ve been thinking about characters’ pasts recently…because, on Angel, the past is so very powerful - while the present seems more of a shaping force in Buffy. They all arrive in the show with baggage, and Wes is no exception. The glimpses we get of his childhood and his family life…I find ‘em tantalising, but also very sad. I was a bit wary of writing about it, because it might all seem a bit Dickens – poor little benighted mite etc – but then I thought, sod it. If you can’t be maudlin and emotionally manipulative in fanfic, when can you be?

    I think you got the tone of Wesley perfect - his pleading as a young boy, his almost recycled use of what I imagine to be his father's phrases "he hated boys who tried to make up excuses and weasel out of taking responsibility". The privileged upbringing is present, but not huge-flashing-arrow-ly obvious - I'm thinking of the "study".The "through the bannister" and "pyjamas" aren't really posh, but they just remind me of a large house, something Mary Poppins or private school-esque. Varnished wooden furnishings and large paintings and the like.
    I hadn’t really thought about the class markers actually, so glad that worked. It was good being able to write an English character for a change, so I didn’t have to think too much about incidental details. I’m now quite tempted to do a Watcher’s Academy story about him, as sort of a mystical Tom Brown’s Schooldays. Boarding school stories, fun! Perhaps I wouldn’t think that if I’d actually been to boarding school. I wonder, what would the WA be like…a mixed-sex Eton perhaps? Or more like a military school, a Sandhurst sort of affair?

    And while I don't think his father hates him, but is just a bad father, or perhaps indifferent/uncaring towards Wesley's feelings, what else could an eleven year old boy, starting to or just having started to question these kinds of things, assume?
    Yes – I think from the fake robot father we see in Lineage – if he’s a realistic copy – there is affection there, of a sort. But twisted and ill expressed. Since Wesley has more good in him than he could’ve gained from his father I’m assuming that his mum must’ve been quite nice, if a bit of a pushover.


    So yeah, I really like this ficlet. It provides enough detail to explain everything, but leaves enough to the imagination to imagine the true extent of Wesley's poor upbringing.
    Very glad you enjoyed. I think I might do some more Wes fic now.


    -- Robofrakkinawesome BANNER BY FRANCY --

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    Sad Castiel Wolfie Gilmore's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dorian's Kitten View Post
    Just read the Who will I marry? piece. Very fun. I especially liked the "not only evil but also Republican" bit. Brilliant.
    It's a cheap shot, but I couldn't resist

    Quote Originally Posted by Curiouswolf View Post
    Hello, this is my first feedback post here. I really enjoyed reading your Doctor Who ficlet Unkismet. It was really bittersweet but with good hypnotic descriptions of the club through Rose's POV while she's under the influence.
    I find it sad, the idea of Rose's life without the Doctor...though losing him was tragic, not ever having him seems so...a waste, perhaps? Anyway, the end of s2 left me curious about all the alternative Roses out there...what theyre doing, whether the Doctor might ever meet one. Though also, are there alt!doctors?

    Another ficlet I was really fond of was Baby, we're the government: It's what we do. There's not a lot of Buffy comic book fanfiction out in fandom yet. I thought yours was one of the best. What a brutal ending!
    Sorry! But, nothing brings out my brutal cynic like the military industrial complex

    I'm going to read some more fanfic on the board. I will come back later to give you more praise and feedback !
    Thanks!


    -- Robofrakkinawesome BANNER BY FRANCY --

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