[KingofCretins]

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Season Eight, Issue #3
“The Long Way Home, Part III”

Prologue Summary: This story takes place after the end of Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Seven.

The Slayer population of the world has gone from two to nearly two thousand. Almost five hundred are working around the world with Buffy’s organization in squads – or “terrorist cells,” according to the American military. Buffy, Xander, Dawn, and a passel of Slayers are currently bunked out in a Scottish castle, where the latest mission revealed a strange symbol carved into human bodies.

Also, Dawn’s a giant.

Start of Issue #3

The opening image is of Buffy’s “Dream Man” from Issue #2, still only shown from the neck down, and still reaching for her. He is standing in an empty space represented as a black and red blur.

(NARRATION) BUFFY: “My Love.” He called me “my love.”

When we see Buffy’s face, she is wide-eyed and staring. Her hand comes up to cover her mouth with surprise and, apparently, indigestion.

(NARRATION) BUFFY: And then I threw up in my mouth a little.

BUFFY: Ethan Rayne?

As she says it, we see the man himself, smiling back at her.

ETHAN: In the flesh, my love.

The next image is Buffy, standing and holding the back of her head with one hand, the other hand palm-out toward Ethan in disagreement. The two of them are alone in a black space now.

BUFFY: And again, a slight barflex. You *have* to stop calling me that.

ETHAN: It’s an expression, pet. Like “pet.”

BUFFY: Also not okay. How did you get in my dream?

From above, we see Buffy grab Ethan by the shoulder as he chooses not to answer. Buffy is definitely upset and confused that he’s here, and Ethan is nonchalant.

ETHAN: We haven’t oodles of time.

BUFFY: You’re a chaos-worshiping wannabe sorcerer who takes up none count it *none* of my subconscious. Which means you *forced* your way into my dream.

ETHAN: I just hitched a ride. And we’re not in your dream. We’re in your *dreamspace*

Buffy lowers her head and closes her eyes, apparently already tired of this new development. She puts her right hand up to her brow as if fighting off a mild headache as she asks.

BUFFY: Splainy. Dreamspace?

The view turns back to Ethan. He is digging his fingers into the blackness around them and pulling part of it back like it was a curtain. Where the opening is appearing, blinding white light is pouring out.

ETHAN: In brief. You are always dreaming every dream all the time. Even when you’re awake, a part of your brain is stirring that brew. Which one you choose to remember in the morning is based on your wishes, anxieties – in your case, your collective Slayer memory and prophecies are mixed in as well. It’s a vast and fascinating place. Everywhere you turn, a part of you.

As Ethan speaks, Buffy takes his invitation and we see a close-up of her eyes as she looks behind the “curtain” Ethan has opened. She is squinting and shielding her brow with her hand to look.

ETHAN: Want to see one?

The next image is huge and detailed. In the background, there is a magenta colored mountain, a volcano, and it’s erupting high into the sky. Around the mountain, two trains are chugging up the hill, apparently about to collide in a tunnel through the mountain. In the foreground, three smiling cherubs are watching the center of the scene, and open white flowers are open as wooden stakes dangle in mid-air over them, as if about to stab into them.

The center of the image is the most stunning. In the dream Buffy is being shown, she is dressed in a short, white nurse’s outfit, like a sex costume, complete with black garter, stockings and little cap. She even has a “Buffy” name tag. On either side of her, Angel and Spike are caressing her, both clearly naked. Buffy has an arm hooked through Angel’s own arm and has turned her hips toward him. Behind her, she has her other arm reaching up around Spike’s neck as he reaches toward the hem of her skirt. All three of them are wrapped around the chest and waist with heavy chains that also serve to conceal Angel and Spike from showing too much. Buffy’s eyes are closed in the highly erotic scene.
Just as suddenly, the new image is of the actual Buffy in this dreamspace frantically pulling the “curtain” shut in embarrassment.

BUFFY: Gak! Neh! Ho. No. That’s nothing… worth…

Buffy is standing protectively in front of the curtain holding it closed, but even as she continues speaking, Ethan is walking away from her. He either wasn’t impressed or has already lost any interest in Buffy’s fantasy. He may not have even seen it.

BUFFY: It’s just… ah, been a slow year…

ETHAN: (over his shoulder) You’ve been trapped in this space. Not by me. But we’ve got to move fast if you’re going to be any help on the outside.

Alone in the image, Buffy turns back over her shoulder, looking upward with concern.

BUFFY: What’s going on outside?

The next image shown is outside, high above the castle were we can see the Slayer vs. zombie battle still raging both on the castle walls and on the ground below. In mid-air, however, Willow and Amy are faced off in a flying, magical duel. The energy flowing around Willow is green and cloud-like and she fires energy at Amy. Amy counters it with her own power and neither gains an advantage. Amy’s own magic is represented as angular blue-white geometric shapes. Both women wear determined expressions, although Amy looks like she’s enjoying this fight most.

AMY: Oh, man, this craft is *weak*. Didn’t you almost destroy the world one time?

Amy lashes out in front of her with magic energy trailing from her hand. She is gaining an advantage on Willow and continues to taunt her.

AMY: Now you can’t even put up a fight!

Amy’s hands glow in white balls and she prepares to bombard Willow, who appears unguarded at the moment.

AMY: What happened?

Willow is shown facing Amy impassively. Amy’s most recent attack appears to be small black scarab-like bugs that are slowly covering Willow up, her chest, then over her hair, and then over her face as the image pushes in toward Willow’s eyes. Willow looks almost a little sad to be in this situation.

WILLOW: I saw the big picture. But, you, Amy… you’re as self-involved as your mom was. You think I’m fighting you. I’m just absorbing your mojo. So I can decode it.

And in the next image, Willow is no longer impassive. With exertion that shows on her face, Willow lashes out with power. Shockwaves are seen coming away from her and she rockets further into the sky. The black bugs were either destroyed or scattered out of sight.

On the ground, a zombie is preparing to swing its sword at an un-armed Slayer, probably a killing blow. We see the green shockwaves of Willow’s spell reaching the ground at that moment, hitting all the zombies we can see.

In the next image, the zombie which had been ready to attack has dropped its sword. Instead, it’s reaching a hand out to the Slayer it was about to attack. The Slayer looks very confused as the other zombies that can be seen all do the same.

ZOMBIE: May I have this dance?

Back in the control room, Xander is pointing at the monitors with both arms like a showman. The Slayers in the room and he can see in the monitors that all the zombies are now apparently trying to court the Slayers they had previously been fighting. It’s the beginning of a Zombie Ball. Incidentally, Xander has somehow managed to change into his more customary black and grey outfit and out of his ducky pajamas.

XANDER: Ladies, and other ladies… the indescribable Rosenberg.

Back in the sky above the castle, though, Willow and Amy are still fighting. A green and white glow surges around Willow as we see her approaching/

WILLOW: The army was the pressing issue. Light show’s a distraction.

The image switches to Amy, who is summoning a small ball of energy in front of her.

AMY: So’s the army.

In the next image, we see Willow blown backward by Amy’s attack, looking alarmed. The blue-white energy around Willow is shown as something almost like digital distortion.

Back in the dreamspace, Buffy is apparently on her back, staring incredulously around her as she hears a dream version of herself speaking.

DREAM BUFFY: You’re lying. That can’t be happening!

We see the real Buffy tumbling helplessly downward through space, while Ethan falls as though he has jumped. In the background, a red-hued image of a much younger Dream Buffy is standing walking through school, past lockers. On either side of her are a boy and a girl, although it may not be Willow and Xander. This dream may be from all the way back at Hemery High.
DREAM BUFFY: But I finished school? Why do I have to take French again?

DREAM BOY: Exams are today.

BUFFY: (to Ethan) Oh! I always have this one! Can we stop and delete this one?

ETHAN: I told you, lamb: time is a factor.

We are shown a much wider look at the dreamspace that Buffy and Ethan are falling through. Buffy is still tumbling, Ethan still dropping gracefully as though he’s much more used to this experience. In the background are countless “dream-cubes”, representing dreams Buffy has stored in her. A brief survey of these and we can see old enemies: Caleb, the Master, the Judge. We see images of her friends: at graduation, the group apparently having taken a picture together some time after “Chosen”. There are also other moments: Buffy and Angel facing each other. Buffy’s mother as she found her on the couch. The First Slayer. A notebook that says “Buffy & Angel 4 ever”. There is even an image that looks suspiciously like Joss, tucked in amongst images of Dawn, Faith, and non-descript others.

ETHAN: Your enemy’s opened her flank a bit. Interfering with someone’s dreamstate means attaching a bit of one’s own.

In the next image, Buffy and Ethan appear to land and there are no longer any “dream-cubes”. Buffy lands almost on her head while Ethan lands smoothly in a crouch.

ETHAN: There’s a memory here we need.

Back outside, Willow is still covered in the digital distortion representing Amy’s magical attack. Willow’s face is growing from alarmed to angry. In a closer look at Willow’s eyes, they have turned black. Small veins are showing around her face.

In the next image, Willow looks furious, and her face is definitely the face of “DarkWillow.” Her hair has even started darkening. With a *WWHHMMP* She claps her hands together in front of her, magical power exploding out as she does.

We see Amy reacting to this. She has drawn up her arm and leg defensively from the attack, but she’s smiling and clearly not harmed by it.

AMY: Now you’re starting to make this interesting. What else you got?

The image turns to Xander’s face inside the control room. He is holding a hand up near his blue-tooth earpiece as if talking to someone.

XANDER: Say it with me now: Fe Fi Fo…

And outside, we see Dawn towering over Amy. Dawn’s face is grinning and mean, and her sneaker is already hovering over Amy as the witch turns up in fear.

DAWN: … f%$#king fum.

With a *SMLOOOSH*, Amy is driven into the muddy ground outside the castle, her hand the only thing visible from under Dawn’s foot.

The battle won for the moment, Willow floats up near Dawn’s head, magic shown coming from her hands as though working on something. Dawn looks much calmer as she looks down at what Willow is doing.

WILLOW: Language, sweetie. How come you’re a giant?

DAWN: We totally have to talk. Are you evil again?

WILLOW: It’ll fade.

We see a wider view, Dawn with a hand on her hip against the night sky and Willow hovering beside her. Slayers on the ground are watching as Willow works. Willow has contained Amy in a glowing green box and is levitating her off the ground. Willow’s hair has already turned red again.

WILLOW: She just really pissed me off.

Back in the dreamspace, Buffy is standing under a curve of red metal bars.

BUFFY: This is what you wanted to show me? Along those lines, what *is* this?

ETHAN: No…

As Ethan continues, we get a wider look. Ethan is sitting with his arm across his knee, reclining on a pile of newspaper. Buffy is actually standing inside a metal wheel, like in a hamster – or rat – cage.

ETHAN: … we’ve gone too far back.

Buffy and Ethan both stand, Buffy brushing hair off her ear as she appears to recognize her surroundings.

BUFFY: Whoah, whoah… I know all this. This is Amy’s cage. *Amy*’s doing this?

ETHAN: I didn’t know her name.

As Buffy looks around, the surroundings appear to have changed into a sort of slimy cave. The whole image is shown in the same red hues that the “dream-cubes” were. Ethan explains from behind her.

ETHAN: I can’t see outside myself. But I connected with her, and she saw me. I think you’re here. Walk about.

Buffy does so, walking around with a hand on the wall. The surface looks almost sinewy. On the ground, a creature with an ax lays dead, or inanimate. It appears to be a “Gamorrean Guard”, the pig monsters from “Return of the Jedi.”

BUFFY: Nice place. I’m starting to miss my giant dragon.

In a new image, Ethan is show standing in a cage or cell. The three walls are made up for beams shaped like the letter “X”. Ethan appears to be unaware of it, however.

BUFFY: So what are you doing in there?

ETHAN: Where am I?

BUFFY: Cage. Crossbeams, like X’s. So this all, what, means something?

Buffy is touching her chin thoughtfully as she thinks aloud.

BUFFY: Three X’s. Triple X. So it’s either Vin Diesel or porn, neither of which is real attractive.

In a new image, Ethan is standing next to Buffy again. His face is thoughtful, and hers is a little confused.

ETHAN: I’m more an antique Roman than a Dane.

BUFFY: Did I mention I’m not crazy good at symbolism?

ETHAN: Just remember what you see here.

As he says this, Ethan turns to look right at Buffy.

ETHAN: Twilight is falling. You’re going to need all the help you can get. Pet.

And then we are back in Buffy’s room, looking down at her on her bed. Her arms and legs are no longer bound, and her arms are crossed across her stomach. Fittingly enough, she could be Sleeping Beauty.

Next to her bed, Willow and Xander are staring down at her. Xander’s arms are crossed tightly and he’s clearly worried. Willow looks thoughtful. Behind them, Leah is visible watching, and Dawn’s eye can be seen looking in the window from outside.

WILLOW: Serious magic is kinda like improve, Dawn. You can’t just stop it cold; you gotta adapt.

DAWN: Is that why I’ve got an army of the undead playing Pride and Prejudice around my ankles?

WILLOW: Don’t worry; as soon as the ball’s over, they’ll leave.

A close up of Willow shows her looking down sympathetically at Buffy.

WILLOW: She looks tired.

In a wider look, Xander still has his arms crossed. Willow is gently placing her hand on Buffy’s waist. Behind them, Leah is not alone. Several other Slayers have arrived.

XANDER: She’s asleep.

WILLOW: You know what I mean.

XANDER: It’s been a long year. And you’ve been where now?

WILLOW: We’ll talk. This is a true love spell.

XANDER: Rumor has it. How do we deal?

We can see the faces of everyone in the room, and Dawn’s outside the window, as Willow lays it out for them. Amy wasn’t lying, and everyone in the room looks a little stunned.

WILLOW: Buffy needs to be kissed by someone who’s in love with her.

As we look at Buffy’s face close-up, Willow makes an even more awkward announcement.

WILLOW: And someone in this room is.

The faces of all the Slayers look between each other. Xander is still looking toward Willow and Buffy from near the foot of the bed. Willow looks actually angry as she turns around to speak to everyone in the room at once.

WILLOW: They might not even have realized it, and they probably don’t want anyone to know about it. So everybody’s gonna shut their eyes – and keep ‘em shut if they wanna keep ‘em – and that person will step forward and give Buffy a kiss.

We look at Xander’s face in close-up as Willow speaks to the room next to him. He looks like something is weighing on him, but there is no telling what it is.

WILLOW: Okay?

Back in the dreamspace, Buffy touches her fingers to her lips.

BUFFY: I have a funny feeling on my mouth.

And in her bedroom, Buffy sits up suddenly. Xander looks startled from beside her at the head of the bed, and Willow is smiling.

BUFFY: Cinnamon buns!

In a close-up, Buffy looks a little embarrassed to see all these people in her room.

BUFFY: Or… uh… I just had the weirdest – WILL!

In a much different scene, a demon like the ones that Buffy fought on her mission in Issue #1 is standing in a torch-lit tunnel, speaking to a man. The man is sitting on a bench or throne that appears to be made of, or surrounded by, human skulls.

DEMON: We are not amused.

In a close-up, we see the man is Giles. He doesn’t look at all intimidated by the demon.

GILES: No one’s exactly giggling on this side of the fence either.

The demon leans in close to Giles, clearly upset. Giles begins to clean his glasses as they go on speaking.

DEMON: Three of our brood slain!

GILES: They broke protocol.

DEMON: They were lured out there!

GILES: I think they were, yes. Someone engineered that conflict – and sacrificed two young men in the process. I think we need to know who.

Giles puts his glasses back on, and produces a piece of paper that he hands to the demon. The paper has the mysterious symbol the gang has been researching.

DEMON: This symbol is meaningless to us. And we are not convinced this is not some Slayer trick. We have ever been enemies.

Giles takes back the paper from the demon and stares at it levelly.

GILES: And ever shall be. We’ll come to grips one day, but on a day we choose. We’ll not be led there like cattle. Right now, information benefits us both. If you learn anything…

The image changes to Italy, where Andrew is talking on a phone with one hand and holding what appears to be a poker hand in the other.

ANDREW: … we would *so* tell you about it. Seriously, we got nothing going on here. I’ve looked through so many books I’ve got parchment fingers. But my mom used to order this special dermatological soap because hoisin sauce makes me rashy –

XANDER: (through the phone) Just keep an eye out.

Back in Scotland, Xander is walking alone down a corridor, talking to Andrew on his blue-tooth.

ANDREW: (through the phone) Oh, we’re on alert. You think Amy’s attack and the symbol are linked?

XANDER: Just a whole lotta question marks coming up at the same time. Wanted to make sure you’re not seeing any action.

ANDREW: I wish! We’re just trying to think of games to stay awake in Dullsville, Italy.

Xander arrives at his destination. He is looking in the doorway of their infirmary. Inside, Slayers are treating each other’s wounds from the ferocious zombie battle.

XANDER: Sounds good enough to me.

ANDREW: No, trust me…

Back in Italy, Andrew is still holding his poker hand, and behind him, several Slayers are playing around a table. The game must be strip poker, since more than a few of the athletic young women are down to their underwear, and one is reaching around to unhook her bra. On a couch off to the side, another Slayer is reading a comic book (titled Fray).

ANDREW: … you’d be bored stiff.

In the Slayer infirmary, on a bed alone in an alcove, Renee is laying over on one side. She is bandaged up from several wounds, including the stab wound to her back. Her clothes are somewhat torn. Her face looks inconsolable as she ignores the other Slayers moving around behind her.

In the next image, she is turning her head as she hears Xander talking to her.

XANDER: Well this is really unimpressive.

Xander turns a chair around backwards and takes a seat on it at the foot of Renee’s bed as he continues speaking.

XANDER: One attack by the undead and Renee has to take a nap, “oh I’m all run through with a broadsword, I have to lie around and heal…” Back in *my* day, which was about a week and a half ago, we took our lumps and got back up and cried like babies and quit and then put on weight.

In the next image, Renee is rolling onto her back to sit up.

RENEE: I should’ve seen ‘em coming. They shoulda never got over that wall. We lost girls because of –

XANDER: Oh, are you still talking?

A close-up of Xander shows him placing his chin on his hands over the chairback. He is smiling reassuringly as he talks.

XANDER: You mess up, Buffy’ll kick your ass. Assuming she’s not in a mystical coma, in which case I or a qualified representative will kick your ass. You raised the call and you stood your ground. It was solid soldiering, so shut up and heal.

Renee is smiling mildly in her own close-up. She looks reassured. Her expression may reveal a small crush on Xander.

RENEE: You’re so butch.

XANDER: Almost a kind of masculine vibe, don’t you think?

Elsewhere in the castle, Buffy and Willow are in a dungeon where Amy is being held. The room has no furniture other than a wooden wardrobe against a wall. Buffy has changed into more modest pajama pants and robe. Amy is held unconscious in a spell similar to what Giles used on DarkWillow to confine her. Willow is hovering in front of her, using magic to try to get some insight into Amy’s power and motives.

WILLOW: She teleported here. I’m gonna run a trace, see where she came from.

BUFFY: You definitely think she came alone?

WILLOW: A couple of her spells reeked of tech. She’s working with someone.

BUFFY: Okay. Hey, speaking of where the hell have you been…

We see a closer look at Willow as she concentrates on Amy. She doesn’t look back at Buffy as she answers.

WILLOW: Yeah, it’s been a funky time. We’ll get into it.

Buffy steps closer to Willow, looking up to where her friend is floating a foot or so off the ground. For the first time, Willow looks back toward her, but doesn’t stop working her mojo on Amy.

BUFFY: Well, how you been? How’s Kennedy? Are you still –

WILLOW: She died.

Buffy’s hands fly up to her mouth in panic. Willow drops to the floor and puts her hands up to explain when she sees Buffy’s reaction.

BUFFY: Willow…

WILLOW: Oh no! She’s fine! Mystical thing, only lasted a month. We’re taking it slow for a while. She’s sort of in her own space, but it’s cool. I always tell that wrong.

Buffy smiles as Willow goes on.

WILLOW: Seems like things are hoppin’ here…

BUFFY: Same old. ‘Cept for Dawnie; she’s definitely not mama’s little girl anymore.

WILLOW: Yeah, what’d she do? Bone a thricewise?

Some point shortly thereafter, Xander walks into the dungeon. We see him standing in the door, already speaking as he steps in.

XANDER: Place is more or less locked down. Can I get a sit rep on ratgirl before –

Xander sees what he has walked in on. Willow and Buffy are hugging with joy, laughing loudly at some story Buffy has been sharing.

WILLOW: (laughing) Oh, no, no…

BUFFY: … And I was *covered* in it! Covered!

XANDER: Wait! What? A funny?

Xander walks closer to them, curious and excited. Buffy and Willow start to settle down, Willow standing with her arm around Buffy’s shoulder as the Slayer catches her breath.

XANDER: There’s funny bonhomie happening and I want in!

BUFFY: No… ahh… ahh… girl thing.

XANDER: Girl thing? With girl parts? Now I really need to know!

WILLOW: Slow year, Xan?

In the next image of them, Xander is crossing his arms defensively. As Buffy speaks, she brings her fingers back up to her lips thoughtfully. Willow is looking at Xander with a look of amusement.

XANDER: Oh, I’m getting *plenty* of action, Elphaba. I’m Action Jackson.

BUFFY: (to herself) “Slow year”… I said that… God, my *dream*…

WILLOW: (to Xander) Hey, I believe. You were the biggest ladies’ man in Sunnydale, Harris. *I* even went in for smoochies, and I don’t truck with the stubbly crowd.

Xander turns his head down in embarrassment. Willow has a much similar awkward look. Both might be reacting to Buffy’s expression – she’s just thought of an important question.

XANDER: Of course, according to my parents the action I’m getting right now should make my last remaining eye go blind…

BUFFY: Hey! Who kissed me?

WILLOW: (changing subjects) Hold up, guys, I’m getting a reaction.

The image changes to see Willow looking over at the unconscious Amy. Willow’s magic is flowing again in green waves from her hands.

WILLOW: Let’s see where you’ve been hanging out.

Around Amy’s head, images appear of men in metal suits, images probably from the Army base.

XANDER: Girls, I’m pretty sure that’s not the kingdom of the faerie-folk.

BUFFY: A military installation? Oh, if the Initiative is back…

The view changes to show Willow’s face in close-up, Buffy behind her, and Xander behind them. All three are staring at something changing around Amy in front of them.

BUFFY: Now why does this remind me of a cavern…?

WILLOW: This is a portal.

Suddenly, we see Amy’s eyes snap open. They are black, like Willow’s have turned in the past. She appears to have been feigning sleep throughout. An instant later, we see Amy leaning back, still restrained but grinning victoriously, into a blue-white tunnel of magical energy. Willow is dragged helplessly after her, her legs kicking out into the air.

WILLOW: It’s a trAAHHH!

Buffy reacts instantly, leaping toward the tunnel to follow, but it has already closed. The witches are gone. Buffy flies through the space they disappeared and crashes into the wardrobe by the wall, shattering it.

Xander also leaps into action. In close-up, he shouts instructions into the blue-tooth he wears.

XANDER: I need mystics in the basement level *now*! We need a portal re-opened! Alpha Team, suit up and stand by. Where are my mystics?

Buffy sits up in the fragments of the wardrobe. Her face looks beyond angry.

BUFFY: We’re being played, Xander. I’m not liking it.

Far away in the military base, Willow is lying on a metal table. She is restrained, seemingly by magic, at both ankles, both wrists, and around the neck. A cart next to the table has all sorts of bladed tools. Amy’s voice is heard as Willow tries to get a look at her surroundings.

AMY: Great, big all-powerful Earth-mother witch goddess…

Amy is shown leaning in menacingly over Willow as she continues to mock her.

AMY: … and she still falls for a rope-a-dope.

Willow’s face grows angry as Amy continues her speech.

AMY: Of course, we’re contracted to bring in the Slayer, but I’m pretty sure she’ll show. Too late, of course…

WILLOW: “We”…?

We see into the room from close to Willow’s point of view. There is a man in the shadow of the room. His voice is presented as being distorted, somehow inhuman. This is clearly Amy’s “boyfriend”, finally ready to join in the proceedings.

BOYFRIEND: I can’t tell you how long I’ve waited for this. Well, I can. To the hour. Killing Buffy Summers is gonna be a party. She’s pissed me off more than a little.

A close-up on Willow shows her eyes widen. She clearly recognizes Amy’s “boyfriend” as he steps into view.

BOYFRIEND: But you, Rosenberg…

The next image is of the man who’s been speaking. He’s a walking nightmare. All we can see are blood and muscle, for the man does not have any skin. It’s Warren Meers, of course, the man Willow flayed and murdered almost three years earlier. He’s leering liplessly over her. And he’s holding a shining saw in his hand, surely ready to do unspeakable things to the captured witch.

WARREN: … You *really* got under my skin.

End of Issue #3