Feedback for Valyssia

[Llywela]

Post feedback for Valyssia in here :)

[Valyssia]

This is my final offering to the fandom and all that I intend to leave behind.

Epitaph (http://www.buffyforums.net/forums/showthread.php?p=236654#post236654)

Be well!

Val

[KingofCretins]

I will repeat my comments from the general forum -- "For Marie" is a really interesting look into the kind of vampire we've seen, perhaps, but not quite in this way. And it was done very well in a way that Buffy is able to draw some perspective from her. I thought Tamara was very interesting and its a shame that there isn't more of her.

I also very much liked "Lullaby" -- I think it takes a very good direction for the story after the events of "The Long Way Home" and Buffy is very in character.

[Valyssia]

Thanks again for the kudos, King of Cretins. I appreciate the kind words. :hug:

I wish there could've been more of Tamara. Unfortunately, she was just a bit too broken to live. I'll create another soon that's just as narsty, but for different reasons. Maybe this one will actually make it to day two.

I'm flattered by the statement about character voice. Openly... I've only been doing this for about two months. That's pretty high praise for a neophyte to receive.

Valyssia

[Mabus]

Just caught up with the latest part of your story, Val. I have to admit it's becoming kind of depressing--which is not always to the bad, though it can turn readers off.

I became very confused somewhere around the bit where Buffy is fighting a hydra-thing; I couldn't tell if that was supposed to be real or not, or how we were getting from scene to scene there.

Having the poor girl die is very logical, I suppose, but at the same time it was a bit of a shock. Traditionally the Scoobies don't give up on humans that fast. I also wasn't sure Xander would have the strength to snap a Slayer's neck like that, though perhaps he would, if he caught her unawares.

[Valyssia]

Just caught up with the latest part of your story, Val. I have to admit it's becoming kind of depressing--which is not always to the bad, though it can turn readers off.

Kind of depressing? And the understatement of the year award goes to Mabus. The story is two days in hell. It was hell to write and I'm not done. Whedon has certainly put the scoobies through similar to make a point.

My point, simply put...there are people that you cannot save. This is so anti-Scooby that setting the ball rolling...making the point and standing back to look at the carnage...has sorta left me with a ton of broken characters. None of these people would come out of any experience you tossed at them to illustrate this painful idea with all their digits in tact.

I systematically disassembled all the good, fluffy things Willow said in Lullaby to keep Buffy flying straight. ...And you know that's exactly why she said them, right?

Let me ask you this... Would the Scoobies try to save... Ted Bundy, Charles Manson, Jeffery Dahmer...oh...or Willow would so love this...Adolph Hitler?

In response, I gave them a Hydra... The one monster in Greek mythology that the man himself (Hercules) cannot face alone. He needs help to destroy the thing. The amusing bit is that the mix of real mental illnesses that I used to model my deranged slayer on are sometimes referred to as a Hydra when they appear in combination. The idea being that if you chop off one personality, two personalities will often fill in the void. Bad on so many levels...

This is as dark as it gets without completely leaving the realm of what the characters might be inclined to do.

I became very confused somewhere around the bit where Buffy is fighting a hydra-thing; I couldn't tell if that was supposed to be real or not, or how we were getting from scene to scene there.

I'm not even sure what you mean here. Buffy spends the entirety of the second story (A Stranger) flat on her back, in bed. She's done...the only thing she does is wonder what the hell happened. Comes with the not remembering. Willow's set on spoon feeding her because she's afraid that Buffy will suffer a relapse if she just tosses out all the facts. The first part of second story is a dream state. She's not active at all otherwise. She fights a bit to get up, but it's just not there.

In the first story (Lament) she sees something she cannot get her mind around and it causes her to malfunction. All the bits of Buffy that we love go into hiding. She's running as a purely defensive reaction or if you like...pure slayer... God she was fun to write like this. Wish I could justify doing more of it. Though I think she spends the majority of S6 in this mode. She realizes that the thing that committed the crime...made the little present for them...is human and it causes her to retreat more. The forest attacking her to get its pound of flesh is just icing. That's what actually leaves her so reduced...it physically drains her while she sleeps.

Having the poor girl die is very logical, I suppose, but at the same time it was a bit of a shock. Traditionally the Scoobies don't give up on humans that fast. I also wasn't sure Xander would have the strength to snap a Slayer's neck like that, though perhaps he would, if he caught her unawares.

The girl dying is the only choice. The old gods demand it. Period. Xander kills her in self defense. He knows if she gets through Zay, he's next. It's that simple. Poor guy just doesn't much relish the idea of being the next item on the menu. We could certainly debate whether he has the physical strength for the task. He's freaked...the effects adrenaline can be fascinating.

I'm not sure after all he's seen that he'd feel a hell of a lot of guilt over killing something that could do what this girl did. He ticks for a moment over the fact that she's just a girl herself...but there's a monster there... Doesn't matter what skin you put it in. It might cause him to tweak a bit, but of all of the core characters he has the greatest ability to understand the concept. He twitches over the division of demon and human (good and bad, white hats and black hats) through out the entire series. A good example of this might be his reactions to Spike. Xander has little use for Spike even with a soul. Take a big rubber stamp and label the girl "monster" for him. He should sorta have the uptake already done considering the fact that this girl stuck lumber through the body of someone he was romantically interested in. He never sees the result, but he sees what it does to Buffy.

The real mistake was sending the Alpha Team to Willow, but it's actually just what she wants. Zayin makes the call to put these people on Willow's six because she believes she can handle whatever happens where she is. She knows this thing needs to die...she wants to finish it. Think about what she sees during the two days. She's the one that clearly views the monster. Keeping Willow safe, just in case the thing does break free...good idea...as far as she's concerned... On the Xander end of things she's resolved to kill or be killed...and dying is not something she plans to do.

I could rework that part... I did debate who would actually kill the mentally ill slayer. It seemed to me that Zayin would have no trouble at all with the idea of beating her slowly to death...inch by painful inch... She's not so much with the moral hang ups as the rest of the gang. Or at least her morality is different... She simply doesn't see everyone as equal. She knows that there are human monsters. She was raised by one...taken in by one... The thing is if Zayin did kill her it would set her more apart from the people she's around now. Not very good for the character.

Xander doing it...well...he can be forgiven. It also gave him a little bit of justice in the true Punisher sort of fashion. He's more into the Nick Fury thing, but...The Punisher...is something he could understand and embrace.

Val