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View Full Version : Deeply stupid plans (part 4)



ghoststar
10-03-19, 12:31 AM
NOTE: Like the previous installment, this one was originally a Tumblr post that just so happens to fit into my current meta project on "deeply stupid plans."


5 WAYS TO A BETTER APOCALYPSE: ANGELUS

Having dealt with the Master's many failings, we now turn our attention to Angelus. Aside from sheer power, this vampire possessed many advantages, most notable being an intimate understanding of the Slayer’s strengths and weaknesses. He had fought alongside her, listened to her tales of domestic dysfunction, and even engaged in a number of amorous encounters with her, with the result that she was reluctant to kill him. Yet, through a disastrous combination of arrogance, limited imagination, and poor self-control, Angelus managed to squander all of these advantages. His mistakes and fate– re-ensoulment and centuries in Hell– may serve as a salutary example to generations of future villains.

1.When attempting to kill the Slayer, if you have a longstanding friendship with a vampire who has already killed two Slayers, take his advice. Go for the lungs. If you must torture her, try to shoot her full of tranquilizers or paralytics, and then rip her lungs out.

2. Try not to goad your murderous and highly emotional ally with his lover’s infidelity. As a classy, old-school, self-interested villain, you should know Machiavelli’s The Prince backwards and forwards. Instead, I am left to quote it for future villains: “Leave [your subjects’] wives and their property alone.”

3. When in doubt, destroy all available evidence. OK, maybe being 240 years old is an excuse for not knowing all about the latest technology; however, since you didn’t know about it, you would have been far wiser to burn the computer, the desk, and the whole school to the ground. Burn Jenny’s house down, too, for good measure. You never know how many copies of anything are floating around.

4. Do not accept a moderately unnerving sexual revelation as the worst thing you can do to the Slayer’s family. Giles’s awareness of the occult may make him hard to kill, but Joyce is an easy target for more than verbal barbs. Why not target her for actual death, leaving her daughter without guidance? Better yet, turn Joyce into the undead and let her return home. She can get in where you can’t.

5. Don’t waste loyal minions. If you find a vampire who is willing to die for your cause, then that is exactly the kind of minion you will want on your team when you face the Slayer. Send your message at night, or put the word "out on the street." That way, when the Slayer comes calling, you’ll still have a martyr to throw in her way, buying you time to fully open the gates of Hell.

vampmogs
10-03-19, 01:15 AM
These are funny but I admittedly have always LOVED that Angelus' downfall was that he didn't destroy the disc. Angel's inability to grasp technology was a humorous joke throughout "Angel" from his difficulty operating a cell phone to his bewilderment at the "chatty rooms." It's so great that it was his failure to grasp technology that resulted in him not destroying the disc and thinking he'd destroyed all the evidence by merely smashing the computer. He even talks about how the advancements in technology "never cease to amaze him" when he's killing Jenny.

It's brilliant! :xd