View Full Version : Best jokes in the Buffyverse

27-05-18, 07:47 PM
Okay, I want to create a collection of all the great jokes in the Buffyverse (BtVS and AtS).

I start with the ongoing joke about shrimps that culminated in Illyria`s line:

"The world with nothing but shrimps. I tired of that one quickly"

What are your favorite funny lines?


27-05-18, 10:24 PM
I love the sarcasm quite often in Spike's lines, the Acathla one I chose for my favourite quote the other day... "It's a big rock. I can't wait to tell my friends. They don't have a rock this big." :biggrin1:

Sosa lola
27-05-18, 11:01 PM
My favorite jokes are also sarcastic jokes.

Cordelia: I know what it means, dorkhead.
Xander: (takes mock offense) Dorkhead! You slash me with your words!

Buffy: This means that whatever's out there still needs a healthy, intelligent brain.
Xander: In other words, I'm safe.

Giles: Here comes Buffy. Now remember, discretion is a better part of valor.
Xander: You could have just said shhh. Are all you Brits such drama queens.

Angel: (dramatically) "Buffy."
Buffy: (dramatically) "Angel."
Xander: (deadpan) "Xander."

Buffy: Giles, planning on jumping in with an explanation any time soon?
Giles: Well, uh, something... something, um, very strange is happening.
Xander: Can you believe the Watchers Council let this guy go?

27-05-18, 11:11 PM
Willow: So, why is this happening?
Giles: Billy.
Xander: Well, that explanation was shorter than usual. (to Willow) It's

28-05-18, 02:52 PM
I've always liked;

I'm dating a swimmer from the Sunnydale Swim Team

You can die happy!

SMG's delivery of that line is just so brilliant. It's such a small moment but it makes me laugh, without fail, every single time.

I also love a lot of the Cordy jokes in Nightmares. The moment she's dragged into the chess team meeting whilst she screams and wails in the corridor with her frizzy hair and nerd outfit ("I'm not even in the chess team! I swear I'm not!") is hilarious.

Dopplegangland alone contains some of the best jokes in the series including Willow's "Match? You want us to breed?" and Xander shaking the cross because it isn't working. And I also love in Pangs when Xander, Willow and Anya leave the dean's house -- "I think they thought we were crazy" "Yeah, well if Anya didn't start the conversation with 'Has everybody got both ears?'" :p

Sosa lola
28-05-18, 04:05 PM
I've always loved Buffy's "have a sentence even" to Giles' "May I have a word?" Giles' reaction was also funny.

28-05-18, 04:12 PM
Always liked this - both Xander's delivery and Sweet's answer:

XANDER: Does this mean that I have to... (gulp) be your queen?
SWEET: It's tempting. But I think we'll waive that clause just this once.

Also some of Spike's lines are gold:

"Ben, Glory. He's a doctor, she's the Beast. Two entirely separate entities sharing one body. It's like a bloody sitcom."
"Is everyone here very stoned?"
"All the rubbish people keep sticking in my head, it's a wonder there's any room for my brain."

28-05-18, 04:42 PM
I like the shrimp joke - especially when they carry it over to AtS5. And I love the deadpan delivery.

I traveled all of them as I pleased. I walked worlds of smoke and half-truths, intangible.
(turns away)
Worlds of torment and of unnamable beauty.
(looks into the mirror, Wesley's reflection over her shoulder)
Opaline towers as high as small moons. Glaciers that rippled with insensate lust. And one world with nothing but shrimp. I tired of that one quickly.

Then why stay in this world? Surely there's a world more appealing, maybe not the shrimp one, but one where you'd be welcome like you never will be here. Why don't you go? You can go. Why don't you go?

I also like "Tucker's brother" and "He's not my boyfriend" - until fans try to turn them into something other than running jokes (Spike saying the former is NOT bad writing - it's a joke; Buffy saying the latter isn't proof she doesn't love Spike - it's a joke :s).

28-05-18, 07:02 PM
nothing can defeat the penis.

Because. Penis.


I also love this little repeated motif:

Long story

(surprisingly quick explanation)

Apparently not that long

This happens a bunch of times throughout the series and I believe also on Angel. I loved it.

Fool for Buffy
29-05-18, 03:08 AM
"Bitca" is so ridiculous but I laugh every time.

In Crush, Spike goes on a rant to Buffy, Harmony, and Drusilla and then Buffy says "Which question do you want me to answer first?" I thought that was so witty and hilarious.

Pretty much any talk between Xander and Giles is fun, but my favorite is definitely Xander asking Giles if he's right and Giles says "I'm almost certain you're not, but to be fair I wasn't listening."

However my all time favorite funny line, and I wouldn't even say it's a joke, is when Willow is trying to pose as Vamp Willow and justifies her evilness by saying "look at my outfit"

Cheese Slices
29-05-18, 03:01 PM
As I pointed out some of Xander's questionable jokes in the other threads, so I'm gonna redeem him in this thread because, rewatching some of S2, I'm reminded of how genuinely funny he is.

"Angel's our friend...except I don't like him"

"Ford : Would I be imposing ?
Xander : Only in the literal sense"

Xander: So, Buffy how did they slaying go last night?
Buffy: Xander!
Xander: Sorry. I meant how did the "laying" go last night? ... No, I didn't mean that either...

Also, Crush is such an hilarious episode !

XANDER : And you should never hurt the feelings of a brutal killer. (realizes) Actually, that's pretty good advice.

The point is I work for that money.
And you're saying I didn't?
What? Yes, I'm saying that. You
didn't! You stole!
And you're making it into very hard work.

BUFFY (to Spike) : Why don't you hit on Giles ? Hit *up* Giles

29-05-18, 03:09 PM
I like this:

Spike: She's upset about her mum, and if she turns to me for comfort, well, I'm not going to deny it to her. I'm not a monster.
Xander: Yes, you are a monster. Vampires are monsters, they make monster movies about them.
Spike: Well, yeah, you got me there.

29-05-18, 03:54 PM
Always found this exchange hilarious:

NIGEL: Good. I need to know a little bit more about the Slayer, and about the both of you. Your relationship, whatever you can tell me.
TARA: O-o-our relationship?
WILLOW: We're friends.
TARA: Good friends.
WILLOW: Girlfriends, actually.
TARA: Yes, we're girlfriends.
WILLOW: We're in love. We're ... lovers. (puts hand on Tara's knee) We're lesbian, gay-type lovers.
NIGEL: I meant your relationship with the Slayer.

29-05-18, 07:53 PM
I think, Xander has the best funny lines. I like this one a lot:

"I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide until it goes away"